Sunday, April 20, 2008

Everything's better with the super improved, updated, concentrated, jojoba infused, organic, green tea extracted, supersized, thing-a-ma-bobber!

I'm changing internet providers at home so I am without internet access in my condo. That has nothing to do with the title of this entry, but it will explain why I'm in Starbucks at 9:am on a Sunday morning when (and if you know me, you know what is coming) I hate coffee! Love the smell of it brewing, but can't stand the taste. But I digress....

I came in to Starbucks to get a little internet time and thought I should buy something. Not buying something would be like using the bathroom in a business without buying something. It's not a written rule, but I'd feel bad none-the-less. So I go up to the counter and get a juice, and for the second time in as many weeks, an apple fritter. The statement I made the last time I was offered an apple fritter came to mind and it started building.

Isn't it funny how a single word can carry the weight of a ton of adjectives? For southerners (at least the ones old enough to remember southern cooking before we turned health conscious) the word "fritter" is golden. ANYTHING can be made better by making it a fritter. Hell, even a DogPooFritter sounds better than just plain DogPoo. (by the way, that picture IS an Apple Fritter... it could be confused, but that would be gross)

Laundry detergent now comes in SUPER CONCENTRATED packaging. I can never tell what their marketing point is supposed to be. I feel like this is REALLY going to get my clothes clean. But the fact of the matter is they've just decreased the amount of water used in the product so you use less of the product itself per wash. It's still the same amount of actual detergent. It's a hard sell for me because I feel like I haven't put enough in the washer to be effective. The wet spot (hee hee, I said wet spot) it leaves on the one shirt it hits is no bigger than the other wet spot made by... well, let's just say it doesn't leave a big mark on the dirty clothes and I find myself praying it's going to work (and it does)

All these super adjectives can hide all sorts of ugliness too. Microsoft Office 2007 (forgive me Bill Gates) uses all these wonderful adjectives to describe the benefits of MS07. What it is NOT telling you is the following:
- You will be in confessional repeatedly for the next month seeking penance for the litany of curse words you'll produce when you can't find the damn print button! (among MANY of your favorite program specific tools)
- After you create that FANTASTIC looking word document, you'll have to take stock of who you're going to send it to. If they don't have MS07, they won't be able to even open it! There's a "Save As" command to "save as MSword 97 - 2003". I think they could have short cut this and made a button called "Dumb it down"
- They've added even MORE "helpful" features that will aggravate the piss out of you in the efforts to be helpful. When they automatically format something time and time again thinking that you don't know what you're doing. I think they should have MSOffice in 2 levels 1. "MSOffice - I know what the hell I'm doing" and "MSOffice - Better come hold my hand because I'm a dumbass"

So it's a sunshine enhanced Sunday here in Chicago so I'm off to enjoy the day. Thank you for reading my Recently Updated, Orange Enhanced Blog 2008!


Anonymous said...

Just found your blog via Bunny...
Will read more as I get the chance.

cb said...

I just laugh at the whole "All Mighty" thing--- they must be marketing to Christians!