Thursday, April 3, 2008

Are we old yet?

I had the "fun" opportunity of going back to college and turn 30 at the same time. It wasn't completely painful, but there were times that the traditionally aged students (18-22) drove that knife a bit harder in my back when they reacted so strongly to my being over 30. Part of me takes it as a compliment because they couldn't believe I was that age. Part of me wanted to just swig my milk of magnesia and scratch my ass and say "You kids make my ass twitch"

At Clemson University we had our birth date (year included) on our student ID. One blonde bipsy girl at the library once giggled and said "Oh my God, like they so made a mistake on your ID!" I looked at it trying to find the misspelling of my name and when she saw my inquisitive look she points and says "They put 1966, god like that would make you....." and she stopped, again, seeing my face and realizing that I WAS like...... bitch.

Now that I'm 42, if I went back to the world of traditional college age students, it would be even more of a gap. Not just because their music and humor is often outside the realm of my sense of funny, but many other reasons. Here are a few...

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1989.

They are too young to remember the first space shuttle blowing up on take off.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS. (and sadly this makes it a "manageable disease" in their eyes)

Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.

They have always had an answering machine and call waiting

They have always had cable.

They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

They never gone for a swim and thought about Jaws.

They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: 'Where's the Beef?',

'I'd walk a mile for a Camel', or
'de plane, Boss, de plane.'

They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.

McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter. (Keyboard yes, but their manual dexterity wouldn't be able to fly on the typewriter with the additional force necessary to punch the keys properly)


Anonymous said...

Try watching "Airplane!" with a 10 and 12 year old. They couldn't believe you could once smoke on a plane, much less walk through the airport with relative freedom, and they don't understand why no one had a cellphone, iPod or GameBoy. Never mind the little girl on the plane who had a *glass* IV bottle.

cb said...

I could've gone many more years without ever having to watch the 'wheres the beef' ladies again.