Sunday, March 30, 2008

Speaking of cussing (see the post that follows this one)

I spent a while on one of my new fave blogs More Cool Pictures and somewhere in the vast archives of cool pictures came one that brought about a cuss word. I mean just looking at this picture conjures up one word. One word in many variations. No matter what words surround it, this picture has the f-bomb at the root of the sentence. I think it's irony personified and all I can think when I see this pic is...


Because I find the KKK a deplorable and utterly embarrassing aspect of the Caucasian world, I would love to think that the words coming out of the mouth of the nurse in the far right of the picture is "I am NOT working on this mother-fucker!"

But I know better.

I worked in the ER for a number of years and know that 9.5 times out of 10 ER staff rise above the environment and work on the situation. It's not a klansman, it's a human in medical need.
When I lived in Charleston, SC there was a serial rapist loose and I can remember my female coworkers worrying getting to their car safely in the parking deck. Some would break glass pipets to a sharp point and edge and hold them between their fingers in tight fists so that if anyone attacked them, one good right cross and someone was going to be bleeding. (you go girls!)
Long story short, the police gave chase one late night and the chase ended in a terrible crash and the serial rapist ended up in one of our Emergency rooms. To my knowledge, no one refused to work on him. I'm not saying putting in his IV wasn't slow and painful to him.... but he lived because of the ER staff that took care of him. (by the way, Duncan Proctor, the Lowcountry Rapist, may be up for parole...)

The ER staff in the picture above are to be commended. I don't know what happened to that man to cause him to be there, but I hope.... hope and pray... he lived and that he remembers seeing all those African American faces looking down on him to keep him alive. (also that he didn't see the nurse giggle her ass off when she had to put in a catheter and saw what a tiny DICK he had!)

I guess 21 is good....

Stephen over at "Are you there blog.." put his website under the Cuss-o-meter so I thought I would too.

21% Imagine if I hadn't made a new year's resolution to cut back on my cussin'? OK, I know my resolution was to not cuss anymore, but let's be real.

I thought it was funny that at a mere 21%... OK a mere 21 point TWO percent, my meter needle is just a bare tick away from the worst area. Spatially it looks like the absolute worst you could be would be 25%. What do they do about sites that drop the F -bomb every other word? Maybe they have one that just explodes if there's too much.

So I put it to the test....

I have another blog that I've been constructing that isn't live yet and nothing is posted. Just for fun, I posted the following as the only post. (pardon my potty mouth)

"fuck god damn shit piss hell cunt pussy dick boobies"

This wonderful cuss-o-meter gave me

I guess I was on the express flight to hell until I said boobies... I think that's the Christian Right "get out of jail free" card. (By the way Bunny, the "boobies" reference was for you! :) )

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Some Southern Facts...

My good friend and fellow ex-pat Southerner Guy Skinner sent me a hoot of an email. He's from Georgia and while this list is about being from Georgia, most of this holds true for South Carolina. Along the way I've inserted my own Carolinaisms (Hope you don't mind Guy)


Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air. (Sometimes Possums play like family cats, but that's another story...)

There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Georgia . (And South Carolina and most of them were in the lake I grew up on)

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia plus a couple no one's seen before.

If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites. (I don't quite get the "grows/sticks" but I'm sure there's truth to it)

Onced and Twiced are words. (and those are the BETTER misused words... )

It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy. (And this isn't just a cute fun picture.. buggy racing is a serious past-time; cork heels and all! The Jack-Ass show didn't invent this you know....)

People actually grow and eat okra. (it took me a while to like Okra, but done right... oh yeah!)

'Fixinto' is one word.

There is no such thing as 'lunch.' There is only dinner and then there is supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar! (The house wine of the south!)

Backards and forwards means 'I know everything about you.'

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.

You measure distance in minutes. (funny, I still do this. I compare mileage to how long it took to get from Seneca to Anderson. If someone says, "It's about 25 minutes" that's just like going to Anderson)

Sometimes you have to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day.

'Fix' is a verb. Example: 'I'm fixing to go to the store.'

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal. (my sister and I saw "Doc Hollywood" with Michael J. Fox and I was laughing until I realized... yeah, they're right. The "Squash Festival" was the same as the upstate Apple Festival that I marched in the parade with my high school band!)

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. (I don't know about security lights, but I was in high school (mid 80s) when my mom and I started locking the door to our house.)

You know what a 'DAWG' is.




heaven help me... I just put a gamecock on my blog... BLARF! (there's a reason my blog is ORANGE!)

You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car. (ahhhh my Chevette... too many stories and requires a blog of its own... but I did have jumper cables in the event I needed it myself!)

There are only own four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports. (my mother found out about me getting speeding tickets and such from The Seneca Journal... damn that paper....)

The first day of deer season is a national holiday. (and those of us who are NOT Bambi hating mongers don't drive into the mountains since these drunk rednecks will shoot at anything that moves)

100 degrees Fahrenheit 'a little warm.'
We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas. (substitute "winter" for "summer" and you've got Chicago!)

Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as 'goin' Wal-martin' or off to 'Wally World.' (I tried to find a pic of rednecks at Wal-Mart, but found this instead. It's SO true)

A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.

A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop . . . it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: 'What kinda coke you want?' (Amen Baby! Amen!)

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

We don't need no stinking driver's ed . . . if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.

SO, from the land of the bold where the movie "Deliverance" is considered a documentary... Welcome! Sit back on the porch swing, have a sweet tea and watch the freight train go by while you count cars.

Friday, March 28, 2008

This is FUNNY!

One of my lovely readers and fellow bloggers Bunny over at Down the Rabbit Hole has the following blog listed as one of her favorite naughty blogs. It's naughty, but guaranteed to make you laugh! It's several women who apparently find pics posted by guys on dating sites or something... Wherever or Why-ever these guys are posting their pics I have no idea, but they must think very well of themselves... and they're gonna get pinged by the folks at Desperately Seeking... Something

Just a forewarning, if you're offended by the sight of male genetalia, don't go here. If you're offended... get over it. It's FUNNY!

As a sample....

Cindylou: I feel the need to disinfect after looking at this picture

Ash: Just Eww.

SB: It looks like someone threw up on his chest. After eating squid ink pasta.

SW: Should have blacked out a bit the whole photo.

Dawn: If this wasn't taken in a Youth Hostel, I don't know what was. He has that skinny backpacker look about him. You know, the one with the international crabs.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I swear I'm Southern!

Stephen had this little quiz over on his blog and while he's from Tennessee, I've never thought he had a southern accent. I can hear a little bit when he gets going, but I figured, like me, he'd done his best to shed it at least a little. He's an actor and can't be pigeon holed.
I wasn't prepared for what I got though... Northeast? God forbid that means Boston. Like most standardized tests, this could not have been created by a person who knew all accents. Not enough sampling was done. But it's fun none the less so go give it a try!

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The Midland

"You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.

The Northeast
The South
The West
The Inland North
North Central
What American accent do you have?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

It's a Soundtrack Day again!

After 6 days of what's probably the worst flu/chest congestion I've ever had, this morning I woke up and realized I was...brace yourself... breathing through my nose!

Today's soundtrack is courtesy of "The Wiz"
(Of course my soundtrack only covers the first 2min 35sec... I don't have the energy for the dancing that comes afterward)

My mom saw The Wiz on Broadway back in the 70's when the fantastic Mabel King played Eviline and her costume was set up so her boobs were eyes. Mabel would move her hands to pull wires and the eye boobs would wink or blink or move. I love the movie, but I wish they'd brought the boob eyes to the big screen too!

Have a great day everyone! Can you feel a brand new day?!?!

(Yeah, cheesy... shut up...)

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

And the winner is.....

Remember the caption contest I had back in February? We finally have a winner! (well... I finally got my lazy butt around to naming and announcing one that is)

The picture with the winning caption is:

The winning post comes from the sassy mind of my favorite 4 year old Parker from South Carolina. With a devilish playful smile like this

how could he NOT be sassy! (watch out mom!)
Parker, a winning prize is on the way!

TMI Tuesday!

1. Stubble... good or bad? How often do you shave?On me... not so good. It really shows how grey I am and takes away from my hair. (the hair is 'chemically enhanced for your viewing pleasure') I shave daily unless it's the weekend or I just don't feel like it.

2. If someone shoves you up against a wall while kissing you, your reaction is?
Being 6'7" being shoved up against the wall isn't something that happens too often. If it were to happen I might enjoy it I guess... as long as I didn't hit my head or we bumped teeth on impact (it happened one when I was the shover)

3. Did you ever own a fake ID?
Oh God yes. I was at the age when they were just raising the drinking age and in omnipotent South Carolina they didn't grandfather you in so I was legal for 6 months, then not legal, then legal for 6 months, then not legal. When I was 20 I had a fake ID and thought I'd detract from the forgery by having a hearing impaired sticker on it and told police (when I was stopped and foolishly gave him the wrong one) that it meant that I was an interpreter. He was buying it until he was about to give it back to me and he realized it was fake. He took it back, gave me some big speech about how they'd be contacting me and my family. I was PETRIFIED!

My mom had already given me lectures about letting her know when bad things like this had happened because she wasn't so mad as when she was surprised by them. I debated whether or not to tell her about this one, but being the chicken-shit I was I decided to wait this one out as long as I could. When I was 35 I told my mom about it as a joke and it was the first she'd heard of it. The police never called. But for years I was still worried driving through Clemson for fear that SAME cop would stop me and remember....

4. Have you ever played a game which may require you or others to disrobe?To quote Oprah in The Color Purple... "I said; Hell NO!" I was always the fat kid. Do you think I'm going to add that insecurity to the fact that I can't play cards or games to save my life? No one wanted me to lose, that's for damn sure. I don't think I was ever asked.

5. Have you ever had sex in the snow? Rain?
Oddly enough, no. Well, in the snow isn't odd. I live 10 months out of my year trying to avoid the snow right now I'm not going to take a favorite recreation out in it! And the rain... Just hasn't happened. Although in the water......

Bonus (as in optional): Tell us about your last boyfriend/girlfriend? Bring out Oprah, it's time for her line again. Let's just say I miss the dogs.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Holy Cow it's been a long time....

I'm so sorry for not being around lately. I had a bit of vacation in South Carolina to visit my brother & sister and came back to Chicago for the first day of Spring, 6 inches of snow and a 48 hour bug that may just as well have shot me in the head and gotten it over with.

I'm feeling much better this morning than I did over the weekend, but still feel like my mind is on a 10 second TV delay from reality. Nyquil is a great thing.. until you try to wake up and function properly in the morning. I honestly went through 2 boxes of kleenex this weekend. The first one was not the heaven-sent Puff's Plus with lotion. It was more like Kleenex knock off with added raw wood pulp... at least that's how it felt after 5,000 wipes.

It is Monday morning now, I've heard the calls to come back to blogging so I'll try to make it more often. Tomorrow is TMI Tuesday so hopefully I'll be back on track and feel like answering.

Hope everyone had a nice Easter weekend! Eat those bunny ears


Thursday, March 13, 2008

Chicks & CTA....

I've lived in Chicago for seven and a half years now. I've not owned a car for six of those years and even the last 6 months of my car ownership was spent riding public transportation. It's easy, it gets me where I'm going and often times it can be more time reliable than owning a car.
Suffice it to say, I'm a CTA Commando. I've got it pretty much down to a science which also means, I notice very easily when people do NOT have it down to a science, or when they just don't seem to have a friggin' clue.

Ladies... when you've been standing on the street corner for the bus, what in the WORLD makes you all of a sudden go fumbling through your deep purse, obviously full of crap you do not need, to go digging for your bus pass only at the point that you step ON to the bus? The very fact that you were standing on the corner waiting for the bus should have been a BIG friggin' clue that the need for your bus pass was imminent and that you should have it at the ready.

Don't get me wrong, not all women are like this. Some have their little clutch/wallet at the ready and smack it up against the ChicagoCard Pass reader like I do my wallet. But I've been watching and I have to say that even the little old grizzled men with canes get on the bus with their card out whether its the magnetic pass type, the disabled picture pass, or the flexicards that go in the mechanical reader.

It's only women that I see that get on the bus then act COMPLETELY surprised like "Oh my, I need my bus pass to get on? After riding the bus 100 times I seem to need it all of a sudden"

You wouldn't step out in the snow without putting on your shoes first. Don't step on the bus without your card at the ready.

I just became a mystery shopper for CTA. I'll have plenty to talk about with CTA staff as it is, too bad I can't Quality Control some of it's passengers.

(don't get me started on why the red line smells like pee sometimes...)

bloggie note: I usually get my rant out of my head and written and then I'll go back looking for a picture to support it. I found this picture and thought it was a hoot! It's upper Wacker drive 1974. The bus is older, obviously, but check out the woman on the left WORKING that yellow wide brim hat! You Go Sister!

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

If my life had a soundtrack...

Ever had a moment in your life where you thought, if this were a movie, this song would be playing in the background? YES you have, don't lie, we all do it.

This morning I woke up at my usual early time and the feeling of dread of work washed over me right away. I dreaded going to see the same people, WAY down south of Chicago, long commute, long day, ick work environment... but then I woke up a little and remembered... I have a new job! I LOVE my new job and I was getting up earlier so I could get in the office earlier because I'm excited about my job. If I learned anything over the past year in indentured servitude it is that I will never be unappreciative of having a job I love.

That's when the soundtrack kicked in and Hoku's "Perfect Day" started playing

This song played at the beginning and end of Legally Blonde. I didn't really notice it in the beginning, but at the end it plays while Elle is at the podium looking out over the crowd and feeling SUPER about where she was. That moment felt so good in the movie, I actually made it happen for me. When I was co-chair of the HRC dinner a couple of years ago, "Perfect Day" was the song that started playing as my co-chair and I said "thanks and good night". (bet you didn't know that Catherine!)

And while I was driving to work (I Zipped a car today to take office decor out to my new digs) George Michael's "Freedom" came on. Different path for the song's meaning, but I TRULY feel I'm finally free from the past year.

So today is a PERFECT DAY to celebrate my FREEDOM! Go make a soundtrack of your own today!

(yeah, I know... cheesy... shut up!)

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

TMI Tuesday!

Hi everyone,
Many apologies for being absent for so long. I started a new job last week and with traveling to manage a conference on site (as my very first day!) and settling into a new office with 3 tons of paperwork to start with, it's been a bit hectic and I've neglected Bloggie and my 10's of fans. TMI Tuesday seemed a good place to start so here we go!

1. Under what conditions would you kiss a stranger?
A dare. Standing in a bar and being dared isn't romantic so it's as much a kiss as a kiss on stage is. Of course, there are some other situations that could bring about kissing a stranger, but that's very situational. All bets are off if they have skanky teeth though. ugh!

2. Who was the last person you sent a text message to? If you’ve never sent someone a text message, is there some reason.
LOL, never sent a text? I can't even remember when I DIDN'T send text messages. I'm involved with the Deaf community in Chicago and they text like we talk on the phone. The last person I sent a text to was a Deaf friend of mine who I'll be dog sitting for. (The dog knows sign language too... how cute!)

3. When was the last time you deliberately surprised someone?
I like doing little surprises all the time. The biggest and most memorable surprise I've done was for my mom. She was invited to celebrate a birthday of a friend of mine back home in SC. I flew to SC and was at the restaurant they were going to have dinner at when they arrived. I walked up to their table and the look of confusion on my mom's face was priceless! She loved the surprise. There's a picture of us from that dinner and it's one of my favorites of the two of us. (much unlike the church directory picture taken my senior year in high school which I would burn if it wasn't of both of us! ugh... 80's hair)

4. How often do walk somewhere (hopefully, other than the mailbox)?
I live in Chicago. I don't own a car. I walk everywhere! I walked to the bus this morning and from the 2nd bus to my office. Before any non-urban folks think that's not much, we're not talking front door service either. Funny thing, though, when I lived in SC the distance I drove to work (when I worked at Clemson) was a shorter distance than I walk to catch the train now.

5. What were the longest and shortest durations of your romantic relationships?
We really would have to define the parameters of "relationship" here. If we go very basic, I would say the shortest was 1.5 hours. I've had a lot of first dates and that's as far as they got. (I don't play games...) Beyond that, I would say the shortest relationship with the intent of trying to go farther was a month. The longest so far was the buxom Karen in Charleston, SC which lasted for just over a year. But that was another me in another world.

Bonus (as in optional):What is missing from your life.
I'm very very happy to say, that at this moment, while life is not perfect, it's damn well enjoyable. I'm happy to have many aspects of my life finally falling into place. If I were to say something was missing it would be continuity or financial stability. However, I'm on the road to having both of those!

OK, stopping here before I get gushy!

See you all soon