Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Step aside Stephen.....

As our good friend Stephen has been so completely wound up in The Dark Knight coming out, I've smiled and let him go because everyone has their geek topic so we cannot judge one geek for another.

THEREFORE.... do not chide me when I tell you that tonight as I was finishing cooking dinner and got all kinds of excited when I heard 8 VERY recognizable notes coming from the TV.

November 21, 2008 I will be beating out the tweenagers to see

How dumb do you have to be

You know they don't put warnings on packages unless someone has actually DONE this....

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I'm just sayin'.....

pope benedict xvi, darth sidious
see famous look-a-like faces

Interesting TMI Tuesday

Today's TMI Tuesday is a tribute to the late great George Carlin.

1. What is your language pet peeve. (example 'hot water heater', why would you heat hot water)
It's passe, but "irregardless"

2. What is your favorite word? Both dirty and clean?
Dirty: the F word :) I posted earlier this year on how some descriptions or statements just lose their intended intensity without the F word! Do you think preachers could attract more to sermons if they'd shout about how F'ing great life with God is! :) (kidding... don't write me about that)

Clean:Esophagogastroduodenoscopy. Weren't expecting that eh? I used to get pulled to the cardiac step down unit at one of my old hospitals and the charge nurse on that unit did not like excessive abbreviations in nursing notes. Since most nurses can easily spell EGD (the accepted abbreviation of Esophagogastroduodenoscopy) but could understandably stumble with the full word, every station on the floor had the word written out and taped in easy view.

3. What is the one word you cannot spell?
I'm actually pretty good with spelling aside from the occasional typo. One word that I will always be able to spell (aside from Esophagogastroduodenoscopy) is molasses. I was a 4th grader in a 6th grade spelling bee and I was one of four left standing. Molasses was my downfall.

4. What is the one word you always pronounce wrong?
Get. Simple I know, right? But when I say pronounce wrong it's more a manner of my being southern. My accent has flattened out quite a bit since I left South Carolina, but this word still betrays my background when I pronounce it as "git" as opposed to "gEt"
5. If you could erase one popular catchphrase from the English language, what would it be?
Though it has long since passed into obscurity, still once in a while someone will bring out that "Whoa!" of Joey Lawrence on Blossom fame and make me want to wretch.

Bonus (as in optional): The late Michael Hutchence (INXS) once sang, "Words are weapons, sharper than knives" .
What is the most hurtful thing you have ever said to anyone? Was it deliberate or accidental?
While it wasn't intentional, it wasn't really an accident. People often have epiphanies that are life changing. While they can often be grand realizations with a sense of joy, they can also be painful and wrenched with guilt. It was one of the painful ones that happened when I was in 5th grade and it was the last time I used the "N" word in a casual context to refer to African Americans. It was the 70's in the south and while still not excusable it was unfortunately common to use the "N" word. A friend of mine who was black was at my house and we were watching a movie on TV. I don't recall the movie, but there were army men doing whatever blah blah blah. One actor was black and had very dark skin. I didn't say this TO him, I said it in FRONT of him. I don't know how much it hurt him, but to this day it still hurts me. (I'm even getting tight chested with guilt preparing to type it) But when I saw this actor I repeated a phrase I had heard from some older kids "That guy is as black as the inside of a "N's" pocket" James, my friend, didn't flinch, didn't look at me, but when I glanced at my mother, the look of horror on her face made me realize what I had just done. I felt terribly small and wanted to cry. Had I been older and better able to compose myself I would have apologized immediately. I'm sure he heard it, but to his credit, he was bigger than that and we remained friends until time and life after high school graduation parted our ways.

What was the most hurtful thing ever said to you? Do you think it was deliberate or accidental?
This one was intentional. I've never been much of a bar person. I enjoy going with a group of friends to have fun, but going by myself with the intent to cruise or get lucky have never been on my agenda since I'm essentially so unskilled in the art of picking people up. But, in the few times I have found myself at the bar without someone with me to talk (because they've gone off to do the fruit loop or chatting up their hopeful one night stand) I may talk to someone just for something to do. Again, I'm southern, we are hospitable.
Once I found myself in this situation. The bartender had made a joke in general about something that had been on the TV and as the group closest to him laughed about it I made eye contact with the person next to me. I made some comment about the joke and the demeanor of the conversation changed. I asked a simple question, I forget what, but it was not anything approaching a pick up line. The person answered it, but followed with "... but to save you time, I'm here with someone, and besides, you're too fat for me" I was so blindsided I actually laughed. But it did hurt for a moment, but then tossed it in the mental pile of similar statements I'd collected over the years resolved to ignore it... and pray for leprosy to jump on that person in the middle of the night :)

Thursday, July 24, 2008


As Bunny has posted on her blog several times.... "To Blog is a self invasion of privacy"

Some things about my life you won't find on here, because there's a certain amount of decorum. But, some things you will hear or see that are easily laughed at and some will press the boundaries of my comfort level because I've kept certain things hidden for SO many years that it's hard to let go. Examples could be that:

- When I was very young, I could clog (and owned the tap shoes to go with it)


- This was me (in a terribly unflattering picture) in 7th grade band (circa 1979)

Do I look like I've broken my nose or what?

Worth a second post!

I don't usually like to post something that someone else close by has done, but this was a HOOT! Or rather it was a HOOTER!

Shirley Twofeathers over at More Cool Pictures had this picture posted today. What the heck were people thinking back then. I love that "Hooter must sound for five minutes" I like the look on her face. Someone out of camera is giving her crap and she's about to say
"Shut the F*$K up or I'm going to sound this Hooter right up your corn hole!"

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Best form of birth control....

Fly a summer flight to Orlando.....

You will either cut out your reproductive organs or you'll happily go to prison for the priveledge of hammering the F*$K out of the irresponsible parents who allow their children to run amock on the plane.

That's all....

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

It was bound to happen... (TMI Tuesday)

I think I'm more surprised at the fact I'm surprised at today's TMI Tuesday subject than I actually am of the subject matter.

Funny how I kindof feel that THIS topic feels more taboo than most I've seen so far. I would try to toss up my "Pleading the 5th" picture, but if you know me... there's no getting out of this one.

TMI Tuesday... The Fart Edition:
1. Are your farts;
a. Silent but deadly
b. All sound, no fury
c. Loud and stinky

D. All the above... pending circumstances that lead up to it.

2. Have you ever farted in front of a lover? Who was the 1st one to do it? How did they or you handle it.

Of course... Love me, love what my body does. Although I have to say I try to not just do it. There's no proclamation made, no "Brace yourself Effie..." But sometimes a sudden sneeze or cough will produce a cause & effect.

3. Have you ever farted and tried to blame someone else? Who and did you get away with it?

Have you ever owned a Boxer? They're great dogs and God's gift to those who would blame farts on others. Easy targets and I think sometimes smugly proud of their gaseous abilities.

4. What food triggers you?

Pizza, hands down. Most people carry Tums to combat the after affects of pizza or mexican food, I have an always handy supply of Phazyme in my backpack.

5. Varts (Vaginal Farts) Scary, or an indication of a good time being had by all?



Bonus (as in optional): When you do fart with someone in your bed, do you cover their head with the sheet and hold them under?

No. While it's all natural and you can't help having gas, I do TRY to get away from folks when I pass. Although, while on my last trip I did fart hard/loud enough to wake myself up.... I don't think it was heard by anyone else, but I'm sure the dog had a few choice thoughts on the topic.
Although, kindof along the same line, when I was growing up I could be in the den watching TV minding my own business and my brother would come running from the other end of the house having just stopped whatever he was doing so he could bend over and fart in my face. Ahh how I looked up to him.....

Thursday, July 17, 2008

I second that....

cb posted this on his blog, but wasn't able to embed. I think I have it working so cb, if you don't mind, I'm going to co-post this great video with you.
14 months in the making
42 countries
and a cast of thousands

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

"Do the Jitterbug...snap....snap"

While I'm waxing nostalgic on a very tardy TMI Tuesday, the above referenced Jitterbug does not mean the 20's dance. This week's TMI Tuesday takes me back to High School and (sadly) the song that seems to jump in my mind like a VH1 Pop Up Video bloop is Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go by Wham!

1. What were you known as in HS (Jock, Princess, Geek)

Band Geek. Or if you were around George Jockofsmallpeepee it was Band Fag. (Really George... we all had gym together... we can see where your bravado was overcompensating...)

2. What were you really?

Band Geek I guess. I never had one of those tight night groups of friends that you did everything with. I had friends in this group and friends in that group.

3. If you could go back and tell your 16 year old self one thing, what would it be?

Oh God... what WOULDN'T I tell my 16 year old self. Three key things I think would be "All that crap doesn't matter in 3 years" "Study!" (while pointing me in the right direction toward a career) and "Eat better!"

4. If you could erase one moment from your school days what would it be?

I could never whittle it down to one. Not anything terrible, just embarrassing. Like when I pushed myself back from the lunch table not thinking that our table was on the lunch room stage and my back was to the "audience" area so my chair slipped over the edge and I found out I could actually tumble from one level onto another lunch table.

5. Who did you not date (or more) that you wish you did?

There wasn't anyone that fell into this direction (not date, wishing I had) but there were plenty... well, all that fell the opposite direction. I didn't date much at all, I was the wallflower.

Bonus (as in optional): If you went to prom, describe your outfit.

Now, having said that I didn't date that much, it still strikes me funny how many times I went to the prom. (five times) I went to my own Jr then Sr. then went as "friend dates" to the following three. My first tux.... what the F*#% was I thinking.... it was almost as heinous as my date. I'll describe it in three words and I bet you recoil, make that sneer face and go "Ewww...."

White with tails.

After that, it was basic black with the tie/cumber bun to match whatever my date was wearing.

Given that my blog title referenced Wake Me Up...., I was going to put the video as a sign off and a shout out to my butterfly shag (the dance) teammate Lea in SC, but it seems George Michael doesn't want that video posted anywhere (they're all restricted from embedding). So I went to the next "obviously Lea" song and found this which also gives props to my mother who was a Solid Gold Junkie!

Check it Mom.. Darcell still has that horse's tail hair!

Monday, July 14, 2008

I'm leavin' on a jet plane.. again and again and again

I must say that while I still love my job, I've never been busier in my life! It's hard to be THE meetings department instead of one of many. Wow....

To that end this week has me on the following flight schedule:

Tuesday 8:30am flying to Orlando, FL

Tuesday 9:30pm flying to Miami, FL for site visits the following day

Wednesday 5:25pm flying back to Chicago

Thursday 8:50pm flying to LAX

Friday driving down to San Diego

Monday 5:50pm flying back to Chicago

Given this crazy week ahead, I may be absent from the blogging scene so bear with me if you don't see me active for a bit. Now if I can figure out how to blog on my new Blackjack phone I had to buy when my last one crapped out on me... I'll be in business!

Have a good week!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

What did I ever do to Kohl's?

After reading the previous post of the headlines, good friend insanelybusy told me of finding this sign grouping with her daughter when visiting a town (Anderson) near where I grew up. Their dialogue was as follows:

I don't like Kohl's anymore!
Why not?

Stupid is as Stupid does...

Thanks to Lea in SC for sending the following headlines showing that you shouldn't feel bad if you're stupid... you're far from alone!

Let's start with Lea's favorite: (edited Naf Naf!)

Future NRA President?

Well, I've always thought many lawyers could sue anyone, anywhere, anytime for any reason

This reminds me of the movie "Dave" where he debates spending $XX million on a campaign to bolster confidence in Americans who have purchased American cars... paying to make them feel better for something they've already done.... way to go!

I have a feeling that Geraldo will be covering the excavation site LIVE!

Being a Meeting Planner... I understand the idiocy of some meetings

"We had no idea anyone was buried there"... In a mausoleum? Really?

Those Utah folks don't miss anything do they?

Your tax dollars at work!

Those damn 22 year olds.... They've always been the bain of teenage pregnancy!

I've known quite a few industrious Puerto Ricans, but wow... she's a busy girl!

Think he smacks his ass when he applauds??

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Let me brush my teeth..what the?!?!

This banner ad was up when I visited SueBob over at Red Stapler. I like that they're showing how easy touching up those roots can be but if it's:

A. Morning - when you're most sleepy

B. Rush - you're in a hurry

Do you want to put a brush with color on it in the same glass as the brush you're going to insert into your mouth?

You'd feel a difference immediately I'm sure.. but half your teeth would be brown until your roots grew out.

I'll move there just to vote for it!

Bush's Name Could Grace Sewage Plant
San Francisco GOP Raises Stink, Plans To Fight Move

SAN FRANCISCO -- A San Francisco-based group is offering a plan to name a sewage treatment plant after President George W. Bush.
The Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco wants to rename the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant the George W. Bush Sewage Plant.
The commission calls it a tribute to the outgoing chief executive and the "mess" he'll leave behind.
Supporters are hoping to put the issue on the November ballot. They said they've turned in more than 10,000 signatures to San Francisco election officials.
Opponents think the plan reeks. The city's Republican Party chairman has promised a fight if the measure makes the ballot.
A call to White House press officials was not returned.

TMI Tuesday

Ahhhhh... the Seven Deadly Sins... Seems I've been here before when I first started blogging!

Let's see what this special edition of TMI Tuesday brings....

1. LUST: Besides your current Significant Other who do you lust for or have you lusted for?
Right now I'm in one of those spots where work is all I see and the pressure of keeping afloat are more present than usual. Therefore, I'm feeling rather apathetic and unsexy I guess so there is no one else I'm lusting for. However, Lust doesn't just go toward another person, it can be for things (get your mind out of that filthy gutter!) I mean I can Lust for some of the other deadly sins... that makes it doubly bad, right?

2. GLUTTONY: What food brings out your inner glutton?
CHOC-O-LATE! I honestly cannot pass it up. Well, I can, and do, but if it's right in front of me continuously I'll find any excuse or way to justify having it.

3. GREED: What are you greedy for?
Moo-lah. Sadly, not entirely for greed and riches reasons. I just want to catch up and be done. (and yes... start the whole vicious cycle over again :) )

4. SLOTH: What is your plan for an ideal day of sloth?
8 or 9 movies, my good sleeping couch and Bojono's on speed dial....

5. WRATH: Describe a time that you let out a can of whoop ass on someone.
I think I have a lot of patience when it comes to most things, but there are a few certain instances where it hits me just right and I have a fuse about 2.5mm long and BLAM! I'm off and spouting. Usually after I react, aka, let out a can of whoops ass, I feel vindicated for about 4 minutes, then feel stupid for having done it and apologize if I'm able.

6. ENVY: Who or what do you envy? Why?
People who have enough money to not worry. I don't mean filthy rich either, but those who don't worry about paying bills or where to go on their next vacation. I know money doesn't buy happiness, but it sure as hell can put a nice down payment on it!

7. PRIDE: Have you ever had to swallow your pride? What are you proud of?
I do believe in owning my mistakes. Sometimes it's hard, but I believe you're the far better person to man up and admit you did the wrong thing and fix it than to fly off at the hands busily pointing the finger of blame in other directions. Swallowing your pride is hard, but I'm proud that I can when I have to and proud of the results of my fixing the mistake I made and learning from it.

Monday, July 7, 2008

OW! My old _______ injury!

Several weeks ago I was running for my training and something odd happened in my foot. Not sure how I did it or what it was, but it wasn't like any injury I'd had and it doesn't quite seem to define itself like regular muscular/skeletal, etc injuries.

While the docs sort out what it is and what to do, I'm effectively out of running and training and have to drop out of Marathon Training. No Amsterdam for me.... dammit....

well, not where I'm going to run a marathon anyway.

So those of you who contributed, thank you so much. Your funds still go toward a great cause. I'll also not hit you up for funds next year when I come back to do this again!

Now I've got to get back to work. All that sloughing off last week is smacking me in the head today in retaliation.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Thursday Thirteen

So I was blog surfing and found a fun little Thursday Meme were the theme is 13... the rest is up to me.

Since it's the day before a holiday and I'm just counting down time until I can leave the office, my theme today for my first Thursday 13 will be

13 things I've done to avoid doing real work today:

1- Read through all my usual blogs and their comments, and then looked through the blogs of some of their commenters
2- Prolonged our pot luck lunch by pouring on the comedic side of me. The more folks laugh, the less they want to get back to their desk.
3- Did some online banking
4- Played around on the Disney/Pixar WALL-E website
5- Found a WALL-E ringtone.
6- Finalized details for a trip I'm taking to San Diego in a couple of weeks.
7- Looked through iTunes Store to see if there's anything worth renting/buying in the movies/TV section
8- plotted out my next few weeks and how I'm going to balance work/life schedule with the new gym schedule (oh yes... ) while not screwing up my foot further.
9- Sat in my office chair looking out my floor to ceiling window watching the wind whip through the big tree outside. (it's like watching fish or a fireplace - mesmerising)
10- Imagined living back in California
11- Plotted out my long weekend so I can enjoy the weather, sleep late, and possibly get the bathroom and kitchen cleaned.
12- Walked to the bathroom outside of our office suite 13 times
13 - Stared off into space!

Project Alphabet

It's Thursday before July 4. We get out of work early today. I have plenty to do to keep me busy, but you know what today feels like... not so productive. I found this little ABC game over at SueBob's and thought I'd do it for fun and to hopefully get the distraction out of the way.

Happy 4th everyone!

The ABCs of Me

Accent: A mish-mash. Folks here in Chicago say it’s southern. Folks back home in SC say it’s flat. (well, compared to theirs its flat)

Breakfast or no breakfast: Breakfast is a must. Not a Thanksgiving meal sized breakfast, but a juice and a pastry ain’t gonna cut it. There’s a necessary reason for it for me, but regardless, it’s the most important meal of the day!

Chore I don’t care for: Cleaning the bathroom. Ugh! Oddly, it’s not because I don’t want to clean the place in your house that gets dirtiest, it’s just that my bathroom is SMALL. There’s no easy or comfortable way for ME (big as I am) to do it and do it well. If you know me, you know I get aggravated in situations like this so I have to make sure no one is around when I clean the bathroom and I don’t want to talk on the phone during or right after.... I’ll be one pissy whiner (no pun intended)

Dog or Cat: Neither directly, but if I could have one, I’d prefer a dog. Not that I dislike cats, but I’m allergic. I know some folks live with them and say their allergies go away.. I think it’s just that your sinuses finally block up to the point they don’t bother you... but it’s just a time bomb waiting to go off. I lived with a cat for a while when I was in college. Never lost my allergy, but that place was “cat clean” top to bottom every week.

Essential Electronics: Laptop. iPod especially when there’s a new season of Dexter or The Tudors to download!

Favorite Cologne: I have a very strong sense of smell to the point that many colognes and perfumes will give me a headache especially if it’s spice or musk. The scents I can handle are light and fresh smelling. My own favorite that I’ve worn for eons (that is on the very rare instance that I wear it) is Cool Water by Davidoff.

Gold or Silver: Silver, no doubt. Some folks look good in gold. I don’t. Like cologne, I rarely wear jewelry in the first place. If I’m jewelry-ish about anything I’m kind of a watch whore. I don’t own a lot, but if I had money, I’d be buying them often.

Handbag I carry most often: Well... I wouldn’t call it a handbag... but my backpack is rarely out of my reach.

Insomnia: If I get up during the night to go to the bathroom I have to work hard to keep my mind from thinking too much. If it gets started, I’m awake the rest of the night. God forbid I wake up and the clock says 3:15am....

Job Title: Conference Manager for an association

Kids: None that have come forward to claim my wealth.... (Like either of those are possible)

Living Arrangements: Me and my minuscule bathroom in a nice corner condo that overlooks a park.

Most Admirable Trait: I’m a good human

Naughtiest Childhood Behavior: I, was an ANGEL! (with medium sized devil horns) My sibs could probably tell more, but the one I can remember was that I had a love/hate thing for ketchup sandwiches. I’d make them, eat half, then hide the rest somewhere (under the bed, in the closet, etc.)

Overnight hospital stays: Growing up I think I had enough to cover myself and the sibs without their having to stay over. Asthma, broken arm, eye surgery.

Phobias: Falling. Not afraid of heights, but I’m afraid of falling. Before I left SC friends and I would do our little ‘adventure tourism’ weekend trips and they kept talking about sky diving. They knew they’d have to forcibly get me out of a perfectly good plane.

Quote: “Equality is a powerful word. Either you have it completely, or you remain unequal”

Reason to smile: SueBob said “I smile like a goon all the time.” I don’t usually like to copy other people’s answers on these things, but this one I had to keep because it’s the same for me. I’m very easy to smile and have held tightly to humor and laughter my entire life. What makes me smile easiest? Recognizing a loved one’s voice or seeing that they’re calling. OR when I see someone walking a dog toward me. Funny thing though, I’ve had people react to me like I’m trying to pick them up or something. One day I’m going to get the cajones to say “Don’t flatter yourself, I’m smiling at your dog”

Siblings: (in age order) Sister, brother, sister-in-law. There’s also a faux-sister who I’ve known since high school and we’ve claimed to be siblings on trips so people wouldn’t think we were dating. This extended family was a running joke for years, but came to be true when I was asked to give away her younger sister at her wedding. Which I did!

Time I wake up: Dawn’s crack. 5 – 5:30am

Unusual Talent or Skill: For some reason the good Lord made me take to learning sign language like a duck to water.

Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: Rutabaga. I remember growing up my mom loved them and made them once in a while. I could smell that stuff before I even stepped into my driveway walking home from school.

Worst Habit: Sucking air through my teeth.

X-rays: Yes. So many I may glow in the dark.

Yummy Stuff: Since sweets are the obvious thing here for me, I’ll say Pesto. Pesto can go with ANYTHING!

Zoo Animal I Like Most: Giraffes. All animals are cool, but I kind of liked them most. A friend from college moved to Columbia, SC (poor thing) and his first apartment was across the highway from Riverbanks Zoo. First time I stayed over I was rudely awaken by the howler monkeys. Loud bitches.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

My new little Hero

I broke my movie fast last night and saw Disney-Pixar's WALL-E.
I won't give away any of the pertinent story points, but go see it. Disney has made an art of making films for kids that put a fair amount of adult humor in it (and by adult I don't mean dirty, but we'll be able to laugh at some things that are for us, and not for kids)
If you're a movie crier and start to tear up when things tug at your heart strings, take some tissue. He's a hoot, he's a charmer, and you'll love him.
Here's a hint though, the story isn't over when the credits begin to roll. Stick around, the story unfolds a little more.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Just a dip will do.....

So I've been in Chicago for 8 years which means essentially out of the South for nearly a decade. Imagine my surprise when I was taken back to redneckville this morning on the bus to work.

A guy gets on the bus and as he's walking toward the back of the bus where I'm sitting I think "Wow, he must have gotten smacked in the face! Look at that fat lip!" Then I saw him pull the empty plastic Pepsi bottle from his pocket, put it to his mouth and spit brown.

For those of you who weren't as fortunate as I was to grow up with the rednecks... this is what's called dipping. And it's about as gross as gross can be. When I was a teenager I tried it just to see what it was like. Sadly, my neighbor Greg who had been dipping a while already used Copenhagen which I guess is a stronger taste and I got dizzy from the impact. Imagine super duper mint overwhelming you.

But the fact that they're just putting the cancer against their lips isn't the worst part. Yes, I know, the cancer will hit their lips and the doctor will have to graft skin from their backside to repair the damage and then every time they lick their lips they'll be kissing their own ass. However, the gross part is that it's (perceived) socially acceptable spitting. And what's worse... spitting is bad enough, but they're putting it in a bottle to carry around with them and I can see it sloshing around.

It's gross.
You may think it's cool
but this is how you look to the rest of the world