Saturday, March 29, 2008

Some Southern Facts...

My good friend and fellow ex-pat Southerner Guy Skinner sent me a hoot of an email. He's from Georgia and while this list is about being from Georgia, most of this holds true for South Carolina. Along the way I've inserted my own Carolinaisms (Hope you don't mind Guy)


Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air. (Sometimes Possums play like family cats, but that's another story...)

There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Georgia . (And South Carolina and most of them were in the lake I grew up on)

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia plus a couple no one's seen before.

If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites. (I don't quite get the "grows/sticks" but I'm sure there's truth to it)

Onced and Twiced are words. (and those are the BETTER misused words... )

It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy. (And this isn't just a cute fun picture.. buggy racing is a serious past-time; cork heels and all! The Jack-Ass show didn't invent this you know....)

People actually grow and eat okra. (it took me a while to like Okra, but done right... oh yeah!)

'Fixinto' is one word.

There is no such thing as 'lunch.' There is only dinner and then there is supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar! (The house wine of the south!)

Backards and forwards means 'I know everything about you.'

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.

You measure distance in minutes. (funny, I still do this. I compare mileage to how long it took to get from Seneca to Anderson. If someone says, "It's about 25 minutes" that's just like going to Anderson)

Sometimes you have to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day.

'Fix' is a verb. Example: 'I'm fixing to go to the store.'

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal. (my sister and I saw "Doc Hollywood" with Michael J. Fox and I was laughing until I realized... yeah, they're right. The "Squash Festival" was the same as the upstate Apple Festival that I marched in the parade with my high school band!)

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. (I don't know about security lights, but I was in high school (mid 80s) when my mom and I started locking the door to our house.)

You know what a 'DAWG' is.




heaven help me... I just put a gamecock on my blog... BLARF! (there's a reason my blog is ORANGE!)

You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car. (ahhhh my Chevette... too many stories and requires a blog of its own... but I did have jumper cables in the event I needed it myself!)

There are only own four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports. (my mother found out about me getting speeding tickets and such from The Seneca Journal... damn that paper....)

The first day of deer season is a national holiday. (and those of us who are NOT Bambi hating mongers don't drive into the mountains since these drunk rednecks will shoot at anything that moves)

100 degrees Fahrenheit 'a little warm.'
We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas. (substitute "winter" for "summer" and you've got Chicago!)

Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as 'goin' Wal-martin' or off to 'Wally World.' (I tried to find a pic of rednecks at Wal-Mart, but found this instead. It's SO true)

A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.

A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop . . . it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: 'What kinda coke you want?' (Amen Baby! Amen!)

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

We don't need no stinking driver's ed . . . if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.

SO, from the land of the bold where the movie "Deliverance" is considered a documentary... Welcome! Sit back on the porch swing, have a sweet tea and watch the freight train go by while you count cars.


Stephen Rader said...

"If it grows, it sticks" = kudzu. It grows fast and hangs like nasty, green shag wallpaper on EVERYTHING!

I have to go get dressed. I'm going to Wal-Mart later. :)

Project Christopher said...

Ahhh yes... kudzu. Forgot about that. I've never heard this in reference to kudzu, but I do remember this joke about it. What's the one sure way to get rid of kudzu from around your house? MOVE!

cb said...

After living in NC for 9 years, I was STILL confused by the term "cut up"-- as in "cut up the air conditioning"

Does that mean to make it warmer or colder??

Anonymous said...

I thought "if it grows, it sticks" meant that it has those ouchy sharp things that hurt.

Omigawd, that *is* your old 'vette, isn't it? Not like I was ever in it or anything (coughcough).

Anonymous said...

I thought "if it grows, it sticks" meant that it has those ouchy sharp things that hurt.

Omigawd, that *is* your old 'vette, isn't it? Not like I was ever in it or anything (coughcough).

Lea in SC said...

the vette!! omg many memories!
i can't believe you didn't clue in all your Chicago readers to the famous Chitlin Festival....

Anonymous said...

You've got Chicago weather wrong... There's two seasons: winter and road construction.