I work in a cubicle right now that's in a high traffic area as well as being by one of the more popular offices (my boss) I work with those people who can annoy the pee out of you because they have their own office they can retreat to, but feel that since you're out in the open of a cubicle they should stop and talk inanely to you whenever they pass by.
One in particular, at heart a very nice guy, makes me cringe when I see him because I know I'm about to be transported to drivel-land. Today he was coming out of the popular office and I KNEW he was heading my way. I figured if I looked engrossed in typing, he'd leave me alone. While I didn't have anything actual to try to type, I just started free-form typing. I'm a good typist so the keystrokes were coming like a semiautomatic weapon. Once he left (it worked!) I looked through what I had written and had a good laugh. I thought I'd share because this is part of what makes blogs so fun!
What you read below was typed with no stopping or pausing in about 3 or so minutes.
Oh god, here it comes, he’s going to come say something to me and it’s going to annoy the piss out of me with his OK…. OK…. OK….OK but anyway, if there’s a way that I can avoid having to do the annoying small talk with him I will do it. Short of saying, get the fuuuuuuq out of my face dumbass you’re just too annoying to make small talk with. But that’s not my southern way. I can’t do it because my mom would come back from the grave and smack me upside the head. Lord, I’m running out of free form thought to make myself look busy and he’s going to take the silence of the typing to mean that I can talk. Oh god, don’t let him hover. It wouldn’t be so bad if Cindy didn’t keep pulling him back into her office to talk more. Let him go. I think if we counted how many times he loosed the OK as a means of ending the conversation. If it actually worked it would be great, but it seems it’s either just filler or he feels he has to get the last word in or respond to anything I say. You’re a dumb ass OK, you’re but fucking ugly, OK, go jump off a cliff OK, eat shit and go sit in the middle east OK. PLEASE let him go. Stop talking, both of you. I’m going to get caught and I’m gonna be pissed! Jeez he won’t stop. How long can I possibly keep this going. I’m thankful I took typing in high school so I’m not really playing hunt and peck and I do sound like a real typist. But as I look up there are a few red lines showing misspellings. However, I see it’s words that wouldn’t be recognized like dumbass or fuuuuuq. Good lord if he doesn’t go soon I’m going to have to talk and I can’t get past them and walk away from my desk yet. I can’t wait to get to my new job. Each day that passes since I took the new position just brings me item after item that I’m so NOT going to miss when I leave here. Mr. OK is one. Our “HR professional” who couldn’t find his ass with BOTH hands is another. Speaking of talking incessantly.. this guy is so “good ole boy” it makes me want to puke. But if his wanker is as flaccid and useless as he is I’m surprised he was able to sire 2 children. Uh oh OK man is about to turn out toward my desk, look at the paper look at the paper, go away go away don’t stop here, sip your stupid pressed coffee and move on before I have to take the few twizzlers I have on my desk and beat you senseless with them. Wouldn’t that be a funny commercial, no guess not, but if it was him we were beating away from my desk I would be able to giggle for a while from it. Please go, go go go go go. I’m so tired of bracing myself and then he leans against the door frame again. I’m sure my boss would like for him to go too but they’re talking science nerd shit so they’ll be there a long ass while. Please just go. Oh that was a great thing to say brainiac, he’d rather get hit by a car than a train. Actually I’d rather be hit by a pillow safely on my couch, thank god he’s gone.