CAPTION CONTEST!

So there really is a story behind this picture. I do realize that no story will eradicate the appearance of me in the picture.

I was sitting in Starbucks and just before we were getting up to leave, I did one of those stretch/yawns where your hands go up over your head, you yawn, and as your yawn breaks voice, your arms start coming down beside you. (just go with me) When my hands came down my right hand's knuckles hit the table next to us so I recoiled my hand at the same time I looked in that direction in the middle of a yawn.

NOW... your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to come up with the best caption for the picture below and post it in the comments section of this posting. (there could be a little prize for the winner!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Birthday's have always been big to me. Special holidays are nice because they're for everyone, but your birthday... that's the day that YOU'RE special. One company that I used to work for, while being stupid beyond belief on many things, thought the same because in addition to your standard holidays and paid time off you also got your birthday as a holiday.

My brother sent me the picture above. The picture is titled Dogzilla's Birthday wishes and stars my "niece" Lilly. Lilly is a SWEETHEART of a dog but she can tear up a city when she sets her mind to playing around :) It's very fitting and I do hope as a birthday present she'll let the Seattle Space needle stand. I did kindof like that attraction :)

I had asked the folks over at TMI Tuesday if I could write a special birthday edition of TMI Tuesday since it fell today, but I didn't hear back. They've also not posted today's list as of 10:30CST so there could be more posted today.

Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes so far! (By the way I'm 42 :) )

I'm easily amused...

I work in a cubicle right now that's in a high traffic area as well as being by one of the more popular offices (my boss) I work with those people who can annoy the pee out of you because they have their own office they can retreat to, but feel that since you're out in the open of a cubicle they should stop and talk inanely to you whenever they pass by.

One in particular, at heart a very nice guy, makes me cringe when I see him because I know I'm about to be transported to drivel-land. Today he was coming out of the popular office and I KNEW he was heading my way. I figured if I looked engrossed in typing, he'd leave me alone. While I didn't have anything actual to try to type, I just started free-form typing. I'm a good typist so the keystrokes were coming like a semiautomatic weapon. Once he left (it worked!) I looked through what I had written and had a good laugh. I thought I'd share because this is part of what makes blogs so fun!

What you read below was typed with no stopping or pausing in about 3 or so minutes.


Oh god, here it comes, he’s going to come say something to me and it’s going to annoy the piss out of me with his OK…. OK…. OK….OK but anyway, if there’s a way that I can avoid having to do the annoying small talk with him I will do it. Short of saying, get the fuuuuuuq out of my face dumbass you’re just too annoying to make small talk with. But that’s not my southern way. I can’t do it because my mom would come back from the grave and smack me upside the head. Lord, I’m running out of free form thought to make myself look busy and he’s going to take the silence of the typing to mean that I can talk. Oh god, don’t let him hover. It wouldn’t be so bad if Cindy didn’t keep pulling him back into her office to talk more. Let him go. I think if we counted how many times he loosed the OK as a means of ending the conversation. If it actually worked it would be great, but it seems it’s either just filler or he feels he has to get the last word in or respond to anything I say. You’re a dumb ass OK, you’re but fucking ugly, OK, go jump off a cliff OK, eat shit and go sit in the middle east OK. PLEASE let him go. Stop talking, both of you. I’m going to get caught and I’m gonna be pissed! Jeez he won’t stop. How long can I possibly keep this going. I’m thankful I took typing in high school so I’m not really playing hunt and peck and I do sound like a real typist. But as I look up there are a few red lines showing misspellings. However, I see it’s words that wouldn’t be recognized like dumbass or fuuuuuq. Good lord if he doesn’t go soon I’m going to have to talk and I can’t get past them and walk away from my desk yet. I can’t wait to get to my new job. Each day that passes since I took the new position just brings me item after item that I’m so NOT going to miss when I leave here. Mr. OK is one. Our “HR professional” who couldn’t find his ass with BOTH hands is another. Speaking of talking incessantly.. this guy is so “good ole boy” it makes me want to puke. But if his wanker is as flaccid and useless as he is I’m surprised he was able to sire 2 children. Uh oh OK man is about to turn out toward my desk, look at the paper look at the paper, go away go away don’t stop here, sip your stupid pressed coffee and move on before I have to take the few twizzlers I have on my desk and beat you senseless with them. Wouldn’t that be a funny commercial, no guess not, but if it was him we were beating away from my desk I would be able to giggle for a while from it. Please go, go go go go go. I’m so tired of bracing myself and then he leans against the door frame again. I’m sure my boss would like for him to go too but they’re talking science nerd shit so they’ll be there a long ass while. Please just go. Oh that was a great thing to say brainiac, he’d rather get hit by a car than a train. Actually I’d rather be hit by a pillow safely on my couch, thank god he’s gone.

Get Fudge? I don't care for it, too sweet, rots your teeth!

Bear with me on this one....
Today a good friend of mine, Henry, lost his mother to cancer. I found out about his mother having cancer not long after losing my own mother to cancer. As my friend's journey with him mom took turns for the worse it made me ache for knowing where he was and and where he was headed.
It made me think of others I know who lost their battles with cancer. One of them stood out and prompted this blog. Gilda Radner was one of the funniest women I've ever seen in my life! She was one of the people who, while not inspiring me straight into stand up comedy, she goaded me on into being the clown and enjoying getting a laugh and making my stage wherever I was.
Henry, I don't know if your mom knew Gilda Radner or her character Emily Litella (who was my favorite of her repertoire)but I know your mom loved to smile and laugh just like my mom. So while our mom's are getting acquainted up in heaven, this clip goes out to them. (I think my mom was partial to Rosanne Rosanadana, but it's my blog! She'll get her fave on Mother's day :) )

At LOOONG Last!

Let's just cut to the chase.

INDIANA JONES BABY!



When the first Indiana Jones movie came out was during a gentler time when movie theaters didn't chase you out between movies. If you missed the beginning of the movie, you could stay through the opening of the next one and catch yourself up!

I remember one Saturday my mom told me she was going to be doing what I still refer to as THE BIG house clean. Not straightening up but starting at one end of the house and top to bottom clean, scrub, vacuum, etc. and do the entire house to the point that if you were lucky, you had enough energy to take your clothes off before bed that night. Anyway, THE BIG clean was about to happen and my mom, in her ever-so-gentle and loving way told me I had to GET OUT... and what would I like to do to pass the time? I had her take me to the Astro III cinema in Clemson (back when it was only one screen and a big one at that, now it's 3 screens. One new-ish large screen and 2 - 5x7 type screens you get when you chop a normal theater in two). I got there in time for the 11am show and stayed there until the 9pm show was over.

I watched Indy flip the sand bag, run from the boulder, yell "I HATE SNAKES", laugh rather sickly as he saw the German Hulk Hogan turn into a spinning plane propeller, get buried in the tomb, get smacked with the mirror as Karen Allen admired herself in the nightgown, yell "KEEP YOUR EYES SHUT!" and bitch about Washington DC bureaucracy over and over and over again.

And I'd do it again too...

I will admit (sorry Indy) the second movie sucked in my eyes. It's a wonder, but also a miracle, that there was a third. It's hard to say, but the third movie is probably my favorite of the three. While the chemistry between Sean Connery and Harrison Ford just made for an extremely enjoyable movie it lacked something that the first movie did for me. The first movie held the fascination and initial WOW factor that the others couldn't recreate. It is much like the fascination that the original Star Wars had for me that the following movies could not copy. Granted, much of that was the age I was when it was presented to me. Still, the original Star Wars is my favorite (that's the one WITHOUT all the touch ups that they re-released the movies with. They were OK, but just one step below Jar Jar Binks annoying)

Indy (or better yet, Harrison) KUDOS on continuing a sequel years after and making it work. If this movie has the class of the first three then you've hit it right. At least we know it will have more class than Rocky 31.

What a mess

Once when my mom came to visit me in Chicago I took her to my office to show her where I worked. (She had never been to Chicago and was the ever proud mother doting on my "making it") When I said "and here's my desk" she got this look on her face like she didn't believe me. I had always told her how clean and uncluttered I keep my desk at work. She was doubtful of this as my room at her home and usually my apartment were always in some form of disarray.
I just can't work in a cluttered environment. I always take pains to keep my desk clean so that I don't get flustered or confused with what's going on.
I know many folks (even some that I work with currently) will guffaw at this picture and statement thinking that it's not that bad, but I had to stop my working today and JUST CLEAN UP! For me, this is just unacceptable. OK, maybe if I stopped blogging and straightened up a bit I'd be better....

What Time Is It? It's TMI TUESDAY!

It's TMI Tuesday folks and it looks like it's a very special Valentine's Day version (not to be confused with a Very Special Blossom //Tonight's episode, Joey gets gang raped by the Krips AND Bloods for saying that inane "WHOA" one too many F'ing times!/)

Anwyay, Valentine's Day is something I'm growing OK with but I must admit that in the past.. I just detest it. It is SUCH a hallmark holiday. Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad that the simple dolts who are unimaginative are forced at least once a year to show that there is romance in there somewhere even if it is unimaginative (the commercials tell them EXACTLY what to do) But as for me, I don't think you should wait until some cold day in February to profess your love through a romantic gesture. If you truly love someone then that romantic gesture should be there each week of each month of each year. It should be unexpected, not forced.

OK, my big ole Debbie Downer of a Valentines soap box is over with the caveat that I actually do appreciate Valentine's Day in spirit so it is with that spirit that I get back to the TMI Tuesday!

1. What's the sexiest gesture a person you are sexually interested in can make?
If it's an intimate gesture we're talking about it's sliding their hand into mine or if we're sitting, say, in a movie, holding my hand and carressing their fingers on the palm of my hand. If it's an overtly sexual gesture... hmmm... setting up the sling before I get out of the bathroom?

2. What are 3 inevitable things about you?
- I will be early if not on time, if I'm late, I'm going to be PISSED!
- If an 80's tune comes on I'm going to do one or all of the following: Be transported back to high school or college, start be-bopping around, or send an email/text to my high school friend Lea stating the song and the memory it evoked.

3. How many types of orgasms have you experienced?
This must be a chick question as for guys it seems there's 2 types of orgasm. Either I did or I didn't. I think it only varies in intensity for me. I have heard of another type, but that's a WHOLE different post that some of my readers aren't ready for.

4. What asset do you have besides the physical and the material?
Well crap.. I don't even have those so I'm starting out behind the 8 ball already! I would say I have the emotional asset in that I'm romantic and the spiritual asset in that I'm devoted.

5. what do you want . . . . now?
Not a romantic answer, but what I want, NOW is a job offer. Landing in one of the jobs that I'm working on would be a huge help in getting the other things I want.

Bonus (as in optional):describe a sexy mind. Adventurous, caring, and romantic without being a sap.

Ummmm...... OK

So Farbeau Kevin in California sent me this video link and given that I like rugby it seems like there's nothing that can't be touched or tried by advertising. I can get WHAT they're advertising, but are we just making a leap in the message?

Alas, they end the commercial before we can REALLY see what happened and what the heck Jawbone had to do with it.

Just call me Tantalus....

If any of my tens of readers live in California, you can probably go to this place. Alas... the rest of us cannot and apparently cannot even order, but that's the frailties of freshness.
Today I've had such a sweet tooth and while at lunch I saw this PITIFUL excuse for a cupcake in the bakery shelf and I suddenly thought of Cupcake Heaven! I place I was taken to on my recent visit to California called "Sprinkles".
Three words:
OH
MY
GOD!

They were good, great, fabulous, and OOOOOH so worth the $3 per cupcake. And the flavors they had... oh my. They had Red Velvet that any southerner would be proud of even if they weren't in the shape of a bleedin' armadillo groom's cake.

Anyway, no other reason for this post than to stir up some business for any Californians who haven't been there or making the rest of us wish we could. I know where I'm going when I head back to Cali.

Stephen, over at "Are you there Blog?..." posted a fun couple of little internet tests that can be fun, but sometimes puzzling.

The first is a book quiz to see which book you are. I got:

You're Catch-22!

by Joseph Heller

Incredibly witty and funny, you have a taste for irony in all that you see. It seems that life has put you in perpetually untenable situations, and your senseof humor is all that gets you through them. These experiences have also made you an ardent pacifist, though you present your message with tongue sewn into cheek. You could coin a phrase that replaces the word "paradox" for millions of people.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

The other is a LOST nickname generator from the islands ne'er-do-well Sawyer. Stephen was Capn Lou Albano... don't know how he got that name given the questions it answers. I did it twice and the first time got "Grasshopper" and the second I was "Mr. Zippy" Take your pick... Go give them both a try, it's pretty fun :)

Medical News

Lea, my friend since time began, felt that this medical finding was so earth-shattering that it must be shared with the world... at least the microcosm of it that pays attention to my ramblings here...

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus?

It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving People a shitty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, try to pull a hair from your butt and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.

I consulted my Anatomy & Physiology text books from nursing school and I believe this was actually called the Poopoovisual Ganglion Nerve Bundle.

"ACCU"-weather forecast

Granted, I may be wrong, but doesn't the "Accu" in Accuweahter come from the word "Accurate"? Our local forcast was calling for 10" of snow starting last night so I woke up this morning fully expecting to find either a closed office or a long trudge to work. It was sprinkling rain and the roads were as clear as my bathtub. Oh well. The snow started falling around noon today and everyone is jumping ship like drowning rats so I think the 10" is still coming. However, this reminds me of a childhood weather lie that got me in trouble.

How many north west SC folks remember Charlie Gertz. from WFBC/WYFF "Charlie said it would" fame? One time he said it was going to snow and sleet so hard that we didn't need to do our homework. Well, this seventh grader took him seriously. The man gets paid to forecast the weather... accurately, right? Let me tell you, I went to school the next day in 50 degree weather, a lot of rain and had NOT studied for the test that I had to take.

Charlie, you bitch... But I guess I should give him the benefit of the doubt so Bless your Heart you big drunk lush. I'm sure SOMEWHERE on this planet there was snow and sleet so hard it would have postponed school. I just didn't happen to attend South Pole Junior High.

Lesson learned. Now, however, they're closing things down left and right so I'm heading out to catch the bus home. See you all tomorrow!

It's TMI TUESDAY!!!! Yay!

The past couple of weeks have gotten away from me and TMI Tuesday usually hits me around Thursday. I wanted to get a jump start this week so I set a calendar reminder and this one seems right up my alley. I could be all serious with this one, but I'm sure there's Humor in there somewhere! :)

1. By what nickname(s) were you known as a child?
I think I went by more nicknames in my life than my actual name! It really depends on who you're talking to.
- Sandy (my older sister) had a name that came from a stuffed Cat in the Hat toy that I always had with me to the hospital (I essentially grew up in a croupe tent) It's a 35+ year old habit she can't seem to break but even as an adult she'll sometimes slip and call me "Kitten"

- In high school I had a myriad of nicknames, Igor, Lurch, Monroe and a few other negative nicknames by small penised football jocks (thank you very much George X... yes, not that we were looking, but we saw you in the shower. I hope Mrs. X can get what she needs from little George... and I mean LITTLE)

- At my first 2 year college my future roommate saw me on Halloween, dressed in my high school band uniform. He drunkenly asked me what high school it was to which I responded "Seneca" He said "Seneca.... that's in.... Seneca" And from that moment on I was known to everyone as Seneca.

- At Clemson I was on my first away band trip and all the new people were supposed to stand up, give their major, hometown and their nickname. (this was back when the drinking age was still 18 for beer so the bus was... well, you get the picture) When I said I didn't have nickname James Grubb, druink in the back of the bus says, "He's a big F*%ker, let's call him Chewie!" and again, the name stuck. To this day there are people I've known for 20 years and they, when pressed would not know my real name.

2. Do you have a favorite poem and, if so, what is it? Recite it (or a snippet) here, please.
I've never been such a fan of poetry that it's commited to memory, but the first poem I remember having an impact on me was Samuel Walter Foss's "House by the Side of the Road". It was my grandfather's favorite poem and the last verse, which SO epitomized my grandfather, was read at his funeral.

Let me live in my house by the side of the road,
Where the race of men go by-
They are good, they are bad, they are weak, they are strong,
Wise, foolish - so am I.
Then why should I sit in the scorner's seat,
Or hurl the cynic's ban?
Let me live in my house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

One poem that I CAN recite from memory is due to my 11th grade English Teacher Mrs. Land who insisted we be able to recite it from memory. It was Robert Frosts "Mending Wall" which starts out
SOMETHING there is that doesn't love a wall,
That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it,
blah blah blah.
Like the verses to The Brady Bunch it is forever tattooed on my brain. Thanks Mrs. Land, that's a bit of memory space I've lost to your poem that I can't use for something important like... damn, what was that I thought was important to remember??

3. What is your greatest regret in life, something that you failed to do that you wish you did?
Bought stock in Yahoo when it first came out! Damn! (Like I'd have known what the hell it was) I remember the first time I heard my brother tell me about Yahoo and thinking "How stupid a name can you get? Why not call it Dumbass?"
I would guess though that my biggest regret is that I limited myself for a long time. If I could have lived as the real me that I've become all my life who knows where I could be now. But I don't regret, I just learn and move on.

4. You are tired and hungry, but it's too late to cook. If any snack food were available to you, what would you choose and why?
This sounds like an improbable situation like "If you were on a desert island...." Sadly I can answer this from last night.

Cereal!

I'm a cereal whore and after living at college became quite good at being a cereal mixologist. Lots of flavors can be mixed well together and my latest fave is Cap'n Crunch Peanut Butter and Cocoa Krispies. mmmmmmm BOY! :)

5. What is the oldest item of clothing (not jewelry!) that you wear regularly and what do you love about it?
Easy... Pick any one of my Clemson T-Shirts or Eddie Bauer sweatshirts. They're all at least 10 years old and feel more comfortable than my own skin. In some cases you can see my own skin through the tshirts, but they're still the most comfortable thing I own and until they fall off my body, I'll keep wearing them.

Random... 'cuz I'm unimaginative right now

I'm brain dead. Don't know why. I know I need to post, but I can't. Ever have your mind just start an idea and jump tangentially to something completely unreated? My thought consistency is on part with Chicago weather right now.
Snow
Rain
Cold
REALLY cold
Warmer
Rain
Crazy Wind
Snow
Rain
and tomorrow we're due for 8 more inches. Oh well.

Since I can't continue the thoughts that are the sitcom of my life... here's a commercial.



I seem to be all about Pepsi! Maybe there's a commision for me? Come on Pepsi Peeps
Here's another

A couple of quickie add-ons

I don't want to copy and repost other folks blog's, but my buddy Stephen over at "Are you There Blog, It's me, Stephen" had a fantastic post about Hillary Clinton and last night's Democratic one on one. I'm still undecided about the candidates, but I have to say this was the BEST retort I've heard! Check it out

Also, while this happened yesterday, I had to show what love gets bestowed upon me. While I was braving the Bitchslap of a winterstorm trip home from work yesterday, Farbeau Kevin, in his infinite sweetness, sends me this picture of him leaving a conference (EARLY) in Long Beach, CA.



And yes, I do realize the irony that this is the same car I took a picture of myself with the top down while I was in sunny California. I don't think, however, that anyone was slushing through driving snow when I posted it.... unless my readers are in Alaska. If that is the case I apologize and ask.. what the hell are you doing in Alaska?

Southerners shouldn't feel bad....

I'm at work!

OK, I hear you... you're probably thinking "Yeah.. so am I" But let me narrow down the field a little for you. I collectively walk about half a mile to work; and, in the middle of that walking take one bus, one train from it's start to finish and another bus from ITS start to finish. then the bulk of my walking is done on unshoveled sidewalks next to a highway that's heavily driven by industrial trucks.

OK, doesn't sound TOO bad, right? Now, add the fact that Chicago just got bitch-slapped by a snowstorm and that the snow I trudged in was often times shin deep on me, the 6'7" guy.

Now you may be asking yourself, what this has to do with Southerners. As I said, I'M at work... nearly 75% of my co-workers, northerners (who would no doubt make fun of us Southerners and our driving ability if they lived in the south) are NOT here. There are wrecks left and right, people are afraid to drive and I heard one coworker say "I can't get out of my neighborhood!"

Give me a break!

(Brace yourself, rant coming)

Growing up in the South I have always had to live through the taunts of the northerners who lived there (and since you came down and stayed, we called you "DAMN YANKEES") about how Southerners couldn't drive in inclement weather or how we freaked out when snow came. I'm sooooo happy to be able to say after living in Chicago for 7 years... NEITHER CAN YOU!

I know you spanked yanks will start pointing out signs of Southern inability to cope with bad weather, but let me explain a few of them.

"2 loaf storm" - At the first sign of a snow flake, or if 2 or more radio/TV stations say the word snow in respect to the local area, you better high-tail it to Bi-Lo or Winn-Dixie to get your milk and bread. Overreacting? no, just being prepared! PB&J & Milk is a great way to pass the day in a snowstorm.
Once in high school I was shopping in advance of a winter storm and there was NO bread left I saw this woman who had in her cart a half gallon of milk, a can of tuna, a 1/2 pack of eggs and FIVE loaves of bread. Who's she kidding??? Selfish bitch! I recognized her as being a resident of Keowee Key which in my hometown meant that you were a yankee with money so you either made fun of us for doing what she was doing or you could afford better.... so I took one of her loaves of bread when she wasn't looking.

"Winter Storm Frenzy" (also known to the high school set as "It's snowing in Traveler's Rest") Transfer kids who TRULY got on my nerves thinking they were omnipotent used to laugh at us for this statement. Half of our county was in the mountains so if it was snowing there and just cold in our flatter foothills area, it still meant we were getting out of school because you couldn't let part of the county out without the other part. This wasn't frenzy, we were just happy to get out of school. And by the way transfer kids... just because your dad is a professor of Biochemicial hoodypoopoo does NOT make you a brainiac.

"It can't snow that much in the South!" This was this dismissive remark made by the Yankees who were the expert drivers when they first moved into town in the late summer. I must say that this statement I do agree with. However, it's not the snow we're worried about ass hat. It's the ice.
The snow falls (ooooh pretty!)
The snow turns to slush as it melts during the day (ugh, it got on my pants!)
The snow FREEZES at night and since we're in the foothills and mountains... guess what dipwad??? It's worse to drive in/on than your precious flaky northern snow!

"You can't drive in the snow, I see all these big trucks in the ditch" - OK, you've got me here. These, my friends, are the stupid rednecks who think the world revolves around 4wheel drive and think they can conquer snow and ice without worry. The kicker is, these Darwin rejects end up in the ditch in nice weather too. We're trying to thin the herd, but they're protected in their truck cabs.

Anyway, the gist is, don't make fun of southerners and their driving in the snow. We do fine thank you very much. So fine in fact, that THIS southerner is at work while all you northern drivers are chicken in your own home. And, while you're at work, I'm rifling through your desks and kicking my feet up on my desk while I blog away!

I think I'll leave around 2pm too after a 2 hour lunch.