Thursday, November 6, 2008

Another damn book!

Since I moved to Chicago in 2000, I've essentially read more than I've read in my life! If I'd had this ability to read when I was in school. I'd have done better I believe. Ahh, who am I kidding? Harry Potter is still better than Chemistry or Economics.

I did a quick calculation and I've commuted for 6,240 hours in the past 8 years (give or take a couple hundred based on where my job was) That's a LOT of reading. There have been some books I've read for a second time. I just finished reading a funny book, Misadventures in the 213 and am in the middle of Screening Party, both for the 3rd time and both of these books are by Dennis Hensley. Both of these books have been out for years, but they're just as funny the 3rd time around for me. One part I had a big laugh about on the bus yesterday is a part I'd forgotten about. As with many things I post, I hesitate as there might be just a tad bit too much truth in it about me, but then that's what this is about.

Dennis and his roommate take some time to list and define the various types of Fits one can have (tizzy, hissy, etc) Below is an excerpt from Screening Party defining the levels of fits. Yeah, they're me... but they're YOU too!
Tizzy: More of an act of clumsiness than an act of anger, the Tizzy Fit involves the thrower fumbling a physical act, getting frustrated with himself, and then losing control for a spell, resulting in a brief burst of unfocused energy. A Tizzy thrower might call himself a ‘spaz’ or refer to what they just did as ‘spazzing out’. Though tizzies are ultimately harmless, they can be quite entertaining to watch. Witness Beth Howland accidentally hurling straws about the diner in the opening credits of TV’s Alice. A classic TV Land Tizzy.

Hissy: Unlike a Tizzy, the Hissy Fit is brought on because the thrower believes he or she has been wronged. It has elements of a Tizzy, in the it contains physical moments that the thrower cannot control. However, in the case of the Hissy, these movements can often be quite effeminate, which is why a Hissy thrower will never refer to the outburst afterward as a Hissy, though everyone who witnessed it will. Hissy throwers often have an overgrown sense of entitlement. They want what they want when they want it, but they don’t like to get their hands dirty. They’d rather just bitch and twitter. A Hissy thrower is unlikely to ask you to step outside and rumble. They will, however, speak to your manager and have you fired. For several examples of classic Hissies, I suggest you rent the Elton John documentary Tantrums and Tiaras or get a job as a personal assistant for one of the Velvet Mafia.

Conniption: The dictionary defines conniption as “a fit of violent emotion”. Indeed. Though there is a good deal of violence in the Conniption Fit, it is by far the most focused and justified of the fits. The Conniption thrower is not unreasonable, he’s just had enough and he’s not going to take it anymore. He might “blow a gasket” or “rip someone a new one” but he’s usually right and in complete control. Angela Bassett setting her cheating husband’s car on fire in Waiting to Exhale is a conniption, albeit a simmering, tightly wound one.

Shit: Look the fuck out. Shit fit throwers are not just reacting to the perceived injustice of the moment. No, a lifetime of disappointment and rage bubble to the surface as well. The Shit Fit thrower is out of control, dangerous, and probably a little bit crazy. Jack Nicholson smashing someone’s car with a golf club, and the “no more wire hangers” scene in Mommie Dearest would fall under the category of Shit Fit.


transitiongirl2008 said...

OMG! These are so ME as well, although I'll never admit to a shit fit! Although I do hate wire hangers!

cb said...

I still like the turd in the mailbox best!

My friends call me Mitzi said...

I found thru ... someone ... but oh how I love me some Dennis Hensley. I too am tickled senselessly by Screening Party.