Long Lost TMI Tuesday

I've missed a few of the TMI Tuesdays recently. Either they were not a topic I wished to discuss, or it was just a week where blogging was on the back burner to work or something. This week's seemed fun and innocuous enough :)

Welcome back to TMI Tuesday!

1. When did you last use your cellular telephone as a flashlight?

Last night... when will I use it again? Tonight... I also use it as my alarm clock and my only phone (no more land line) As I turn off the lights in my apt going to bed, I have my phone in hand and that last step or two could be in the dark.

2. On a scale from 1-10, how comfy are you being naked?

Alone 10, with others, 5 or less, depends on who and how they look. No matter what I look like, I'll always be the fat kid in my mind.

3. What is the longest you've ever been celibate after having lost your virginity?

Couple of years.. way back when, before.... you know....

4. Have you ever had sex in a car? If yes, since you were a teenager?

Yes, no. The funny part was I had sex in my car in high school. My car was a Chevette. I'm taller than the car is long. Good thing she was short and the hatch back was up....

5. When did you last use food or drink as medication?

Probably last week. A good cheap Little Debbie Zebra Cake can work wonders!

Bonus: Name three words that:

a) get you excited:

-Payday

-Pride

-Carolina (NOT USC ... just the Carolinas. I couldn't say SOUTH Carolina or that would have been 2 words)

b) make you squirm:

-the N word

-Bush

-hemorrhoid

c) make you laugh

-tittie (I'm sorry, I'm childish I know)

-just about any word out of Wanda Sykes mouth

-cooter

TMI Tuesday!

It's been a while since I blogged, it's been one of those months.....

However, after I read the first question in today's TMI Tuesday, I knew I had to answer. BUT, not because of why you may think. Before I was a convention manager/meeting planner as I am now, I used to be in emergency nursing, so.... seeing things inserted into places they didn't belong took on a new meaning. While questions 2 - 5 may be lacking, number 1 will have several answers all coming from 'Chris' tales from the Emergency Room'. Given that, I'm going to answer them backwards leaving #1 for the end!

Bonus: Have you ever been propositioned for group sex?

You say that like it's a bad thing.... yeah. :)

5. Have you ever used ice for sexual purposes?

Yes, only as a surprise and a bit passe. crunch on ice right before you... you know....

4. Do you prefer music, tv, or other noise in the background when you have sex?

Yes. I'll give away a secret here, I have a bad ringing in my ears and cannot stand silence. While the whole sex thing is hardly silent, there are periods between the noise we're making and I prefer something to cover the silence.

3. Have you ever been outside completely naked?

Yes. Hard to go skinny dipping without being naked.

2. Have you ever had sex anyone whose name started with a J?

Actually no, it's against my religion to have sex with someone who's name starts with a J. Please... yes I have. I think Q or X would have been a more fun letter to query. (Q no, X yes)

and finally....

1. What is the strangest thing you have ever inserted or seen inserted (in a sexual manner) in person?

Lord, where do I begin. Sadly, no good story comes from my own sexual experiences, but considering what I've seen at work, that's fine with me! My top stories that I remember most are:

- a light bulb rectally. For the sheer stupidity of what happens when a light bulb breaks (very tiny shards). We didn't even try to extract it in the ER. The patient went directly to surgery.

- A vibrator, still on, rectally, in HIM while his wife tried not to laugh. He was PISSED! (It was so her idea) It went in too far and they couldn't get it out. I'd love to show a picture of the instrument we used to get it out, but I can't for the life of me recall the proper term. I always called it the butt trumpet.

- A glass coke bottle, opening end first, rectally. It had created such a vacuum that we couldn't pull it out without causing him pain. I had the 'luck' of working on this patient with a doctor who was VERY strict about how to act around patients. You didn't say 'oops' if you dropped something or gasp when you saw something surprising, you were to project professionalism at all times to give the patient the sense of security that his life was in capable hands. The coke bottle had to come out so to equalize the pressure we drilled a small hole in the bottom of the glass and let the air equalize as we pulled. Since the air started rushing into the bottle, it whistled as we pulled. I could feel my face flushing red and it was all I could do to not giggle. The doctor was staring me down, daring me to laugh, but I could see the corners of his mouth twitching too because I know he wanted to laugh too!

- My favorite story that I even include in my stand up comedy routine. This woman came in complaining of vaginal pain. Not on urination, which would have been easy enough, but just general pain. We put her in the stirrups to do a pelvic exam and found

a real potato inserted into her vaginal cavity. She looked down at us sheepishly and said she didn't know HOW it got there. As if a stone like item in her vagina wouldn't have been painful enough, it had sprouted a bit so it was scratchy to say the least. I wanted to ask her if she'd been cooking dinner naked one evening, decided to do a split and for some reason was one potato short for her stew....

It's TMI TUESDAY!!!! Yay!

The past couple of weeks have gotten away from me and TMI Tuesday usually hits me around Thursday. I wanted to get a jump start this week so I set a calendar reminder and this one seems right up my alley. I could be all serious with this one, but I'm sure there's Humor in there somewhere! :)

1. By what nickname(s) were you known as a child?
I think I went by more nicknames in my life than my actual name! It really depends on who you're talking to.
- Sandy (my older sister) had a name that came from a stuffed Cat in the Hat toy that I always had with me to the hospital (I essentially grew up in a croupe tent) It's a 35+ year old habit she can't seem to break but even as an adult she'll sometimes slip and call me "Kitten"

- In high school I had a myriad of nicknames, Igor, Lurch, Monroe and a few other negative nicknames by small penised football jocks (thank you very much George X... yes, not that we were looking, but we saw you in the shower. I hope Mrs. X can get what she needs from little George... and I mean LITTLE)

- At my first 2 year college my future roommate saw me on Halloween, dressed in my high school band uniform. He drunkenly asked me what high school it was to which I responded "Seneca" He said "Seneca.... that's in.... Seneca" And from that moment on I was known to everyone as Seneca.

- At Clemson I was on my first away band trip and all the new people were supposed to stand up, give their major, hometown and their nickname. (this was back when the drinking age was still 18 for beer so the bus was... well, you get the picture) When I said I didn't have nickname James Grubb, druink in the back of the bus says, "He's a big F*%ker, let's call him Chewie!" and again, the name stuck. To this day there are people I've known for 20 years and they, when pressed would not know my real name.

2. Do you have a favorite poem and, if so, what is it? Recite it (or a snippet) here, please.
I've never been such a fan of poetry that it's commited to memory, but the first poem I remember having an impact on me was Samuel Walter Foss's "House by the Side of the Road". It was my grandfather's favorite poem and the last verse, which SO epitomized my grandfather, was read at his funeral.

Let me live in my house by the side of the road,
Where the race of men go by-
They are good, they are bad, they are weak, they are strong,
Wise, foolish - so am I.
Then why should I sit in the scorner's seat,
Or hurl the cynic's ban?
Let me live in my house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

One poem that I CAN recite from memory is due to my 11th grade English Teacher Mrs. Land who insisted we be able to recite it from memory. It was Robert Frosts "Mending Wall" which starts out
SOMETHING there is that doesn't love a wall,
That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it,
blah blah blah.
Like the verses to The Brady Bunch it is forever tattooed on my brain. Thanks Mrs. Land, that's a bit of memory space I've lost to your poem that I can't use for something important like... damn, what was that I thought was important to remember??

3. What is your greatest regret in life, something that you failed to do that you wish you did?
Bought stock in Yahoo when it first came out! Damn! (Like I'd have known what the hell it was) I remember the first time I heard my brother tell me about Yahoo and thinking "How stupid a name can you get? Why not call it Dumbass?"
I would guess though that my biggest regret is that I limited myself for a long time. If I could have lived as the real me that I've become all my life who knows where I could be now. But I don't regret, I just learn and move on.

4. You are tired and hungry, but it's too late to cook. If any snack food were available to you, what would you choose and why?
This sounds like an improbable situation like "If you were on a desert island...." Sadly I can answer this from last night.

Cereal!

I'm a cereal whore and after living at college became quite good at being a cereal mixologist. Lots of flavors can be mixed well together and my latest fave is Cap'n Crunch Peanut Butter and Cocoa Krispies. mmmmmmm BOY! :)

5. What is the oldest item of clothing (not jewelry!) that you wear regularly and what do you love about it?
Easy... Pick any one of my Clemson T-Shirts or Eddie Bauer sweatshirts. They're all at least 10 years old and feel more comfortable than my own skin. In some cases you can see my own skin through the tshirts, but they're still the most comfortable thing I own and until they fall off my body, I'll keep wearing them.