A wee bit of normalcy FINALLY

If you know me, you know 2007 has seen me working a job that is not my ideal (and I'll leave it at that) I'm still planning meetings, but they're either on site at our campus in BFE Summit-Argo or at one of the small suburban properties around here. Nothing wrong with that, but when you come from Traveling X times per month to locations like San Francisco, New Orleans, Bermuda, Montreal, etc.... Summit-Argo or Burr Ridge is a bit small.

But for once I get to take the show on the road and I'm managing an exhibit this coming week in Portland, OR. Folks I work with don't understand why I enjoy this so much, but just as my co-worker scientists feel at home in the lab, I feel equally at home in a convention center or a hotel with BIG meeting space. (sometimes size DOES matter!)

One indelible truth I've found in all my travels is that something ALWAYS happens that's worth telling. Now that I've actually thrown that proclamation out there, this will probably turn out to be the most boring trip, but never fear, that just means I'll find some poor hick in the airport and make up a good story for you there as I do plan on chronicling my trip on the blog. Hey, I'm going to be sitting in an exhibit hall full of food science nerds (my boss and coworkers OBVIOUSLY the exception!) so I'm sure there will be ample time to boot up the ole HP and visit Bloggie and all of you on occasion.

In the meantime, I want to put in two plugs for HOURS of entertainment!

1. Superdickery.com. This site is HILARIOUS! I spent over an hour just going through one section that shows what a dick Superman can be. They show old comic covers and the commentary is priceless! Poor Jimmy Olson.

Also look for the terribly un-PC ones that came out in WWII. (I can NOT post it on here... I just can't)

2. Jennsylvania. This is a blog by an author of 2 VERY funny books, Jen Lancaster. She was a high paid snotty sorority bitch in the dot.com/corporate world then lost her job (and you're happy she did...what a bitch!) but she learns how to cope, and how to find the humor in life. Start with "Bitter is the New Black".

You hate her to start, but you love her in the end (and feel sorry for Fletch sometimes....)

How I miss NBC Thursday....

OK, I'm at a loss....

I take time in the morning to check emails (both professional and personal) then I run through a few blogs to see the latest posts and realized that I haven't done anything since Tuesday. OH CRAP! So I started to think that I needed to do something...

What's today? Thursday

drawing a blank

What does Thursday mean to me? Nothing special... anymore

Anymore? Why would my mind say "anymore" then I realized Must See TV. I used to wait with bated breath for Thursday nights on NBC. Now I'm not talking about one specific show or one specific year, but for the LONGEST time NBC really tried to pack their biggest punch with Thursdays. You can even think back to before Friends and Seinfeld to The Cosby Show and such. Thursday was the KING night it seemed.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday was shot because most folks were going out on the weekend. Monday isn't the best because people are still recovering from being out late or sleeping late on the weekend. Tuesday, too close to Monday, Wednesday had a shot being hump day, but Thursday...

Thursday is like the unofficial start to the weekend. I'm sure it was like this at other universities, but at Clemson (that's in South Carolina for those of you who don't know)there were nearly as many people out in the bars as there were over the entire weekend. (Ahh, Tiger Town Tavern... the memories) But I digress...

With the exception of those drinkers in Tiger Town, people were gearing up for the weekend and Thursday was a night of good feeling, the night of great comedy. Think back to how many Thursdays you spent at the TV bar in Cheers, Laughed at how many stupid haircuts Tempest Bledsoe (Vanessa Huxtable) could have on the Cosby Show...

I must note that at this point in my free form blogging I have actually googled Must See TV and found in Wickipedia a history of Must See TV from NBC and have had a flood of even MORE shows I hadn't remembered had their time as Thursday night Divas..
Check it....
Fame
Diff'rent Strokes
Hill Street Blues
Family Ties
LA Law
Wings
Frasier
Mad About You
Will & Grace
ER (still going... their career in the ER has officially lasted longer than mine did!)

Wickipedia states the demise of Must See TV came about when the Friends spin off "Joey" came to the screen (I concur, though I thought it was mildly OK) and The Apprentice.

I agree with that assessment, but I also have my own thoughts, and since this is my blog I get to say it even though many of you will disagree. I think the demise of Must See TV is the current line up. I'm in a hard position saying this because Jason Lee is great! but I can't stand "My Name is Earl", Steve Carell is HILARIOUS, but The Office is just not funny to me, and Tina Fey is insanely talented, but 30Rock does absolutely nothing for me.

Sadly, Thursday night has become for me the night to eschew the couch and clean house, do laundry and get ready for the weekend if I'm not already out at some meeting for some event I've gotten myself involved in. Long gone are the Must See evenings. NBC holds my interest with Heroes, Law & Order (original and SVU) and maybe another show or two.

Guess I'll have to stop watching TV. (Yeah, I almost said that without cracking a smile... as if!)

TMI Tuesday!

One thing I'm learning in the world of blogging is that bloggers seem to not only support each other, but also feed off each other (in a good way) There's a fun little blog that my Comic Buddy Stephen Rader brings up each week called TMI Tuesday. They make a little list of questions each Tuesday that give you an insight, probably too much an insight, into the person answering the questions. So let's give it a go shall we???

1) Do you have/ever had any dating or sex superstitions? (Wear 'lucky jeans' on first date, always light a vanilla candle, etc.) If so, what are they?
Not really, I think if I get a date there's it's an act of God or Karma or something. I don't always wear my favorite "These jeans make my ass look good" jeans since it could be summer... but I am picky about being early. Superstitions about sex??? Hmm... next time I have sex I'll let you know.

2) If you were stranded on the old deserted island, and a genie appeared who could only grant you one wish -- to bring one of the following people to join you, who would it be? spouse/significant other, unrequited love or someone you have a crush on, an old/past love, your best friend.
Please... this sounds like a question for The Dating Game... I'd say none of the above. I'd say bring George Abeking to the island... he's one of the top boat builders in the world. I figure if I get his ass on this island, he'll help me get my ass OFF this island and leave that cheap one wish grantin' Genie on the island.

3) Tell us "weather or not" you're in the mood -- how does rain, snow, sleet, scorching heat, sweltering humidity etc. affect your libido.

While I may not get the sex as often, it certainly ain't for lack of wanting. I can say that my libido is far more dependable than the US Postal Service. Ever present and sitting on go!

4) Are you a crying drunk, an angry drunk, a 'I'm drunk, let's screw' sort of a drinker? (And, if you do not drink -- which one of those things is the reason?)
None of the above, I'm a slightly giggly, truth telling and touchy/feely drunk. But I'm also a very conscious drunk.. internally I'm constantly monitoring what I'm doing, but oddly it's so detached it is as if I'm watching someone else from a really odd perspective.

5) Who turns you on the most & why: (and I'm going to say why not too...)

the activist - Nope..too militant and they are too serious. I mean who wants to stop in the middle of sex because of the plight of the South American smoot banded woodpecker?
the author - Nope. Books put me to sleep...what's an author going to do?
the care-giver/healer (nurse, doctor, masseuse, herbalist, chiropractor etc.)nah, getting naked in front of someone who's going to look at me critically physiologically? not my thing
the educator (professor, teacher, mentor etc.) - "No Chris, that's Ooo YES that's hot. Not 'Yeah'" Sure, correct me in my moanings.... :)
the model - uh... no. 'nuff said'
the musician - this one time at band camp....
the politician - all I could see is Goerge Bush.. nope
the scientist - if a coworker reads this, I'm sorry, but I'm surrounded by scientists all day.. not a one of them I've ever even thought of sleeping with. pass...
the comedian - there we go! I don't need to laugh all the time or during those times, but a sincere genuine smile and a heartfelt laugh melts me every time! Plus, if you roll off the bed, who better to do it with than someone who will find it as friggin' hilarious like me!

Bonus (as in optional): Looking back, what's the one thing you've done which was supposed to be erotic, but didn't quite work out?
Oh Lord.... I'll just say that I, and the poor person I was with, are sworn to secrecy. My family reads this blog... Get me drunk, stand out of my arms reach (4 feet should do it) and ask me again...

Couch Potato hooked....

So which am I more embarrassed to say I watch... America's Next Top Model or American Gladiators?

I thought the show was pretty goofy back in the 80's/90's when it was on. I have been rolling my eyes so hard I get headaches since they've been advertising the new show. DAMN if they didn't hook me. I think I could do without Hulk Hogan and what's-her-face Ali, but I don't think I could do without my main squeeze gladiator...

Those of you who know me... who do you think it is?

My guess is that your guess is wrong....

why oh why am I attracted to the wrong person all the time.

oh I gotta schoolboy crush on CRUSH!


Let's see:
PRO: She's quite pretty

CON: She can kick my ass

PRO: She's got a really cool hair cut a la Posh Spice before the break up

CON: She can kick my ass

PRO: Her smile is so come-hither

CON: Her smile is so "come-hither so I can kick your ass!"

So my fascination with my new love is ever so fleeting because of reality (and fear of an ass kicking) as is my attention to the show I'm sure. The endless posturing of the contestants gets boring and predictable. Yes, you 5'8" 120 pound Asian man, I am right there with you thinking that the 6'8" black mound of muscle will be tossed aside at your whim.... However, if there's one little sassy joy I get when they introduce the gladiators. If it's "Militia" I do love yelling "Gay Porn Star!".... so I've heard....

So back to women who CANNOT kick my ass... Where's Tyra Banks and the next season of America's Next Top Model?

The Overrated helps the Rode Hard & Put up Wet

When I started this blog I never intended to be a news hound. I never read the paper. If I see the news on TV its because the TV was on while I was getting ready this morning and I happened to hear something. However, I did catch this tidbit and, you know me, had to bitch out a comment.
Dr. Phil, Oprah's former golden boy and overweight buttinski, (I bring up overweight because he's had time telling housewives how to get fit... physician heal thyself you fat-ass) has turned his target to Britney Spears.

OH
MY
GOD

Isn't this like crossing the streams from the old Ghostbusters movie? Something you SHOULD NOT do?

Dr. Phil says "My meeting with Britney and some of her family members this morning in her room at Cedars leaves me convinced more than ever that she is in dire need of both medical and psychological intervention. I am very concerned for her."

Phil my boy, I agree with you on one thing, Britney is in some DIRE need of psychological intervention. I also think she needs a prescription of my size 14 foot planted deeply and firmly up her ass 3 times a day while shouting "It's life you dipwit, get over it, grow up and get on!"

Caring about Britney in the slightest has been a big surprise to me. A bigger shocker is that I'm actually saying what I'm about to say. I'm glad Kevin Federline got the kids. < I think I threw up a little bit on that one > I'm sure he's a good guy who just thought it would actually get him ahead to adopt an image that did not belong with his ethnicity, but apparently the courts think he'll do a good job. I say YOU GO KEVIN.

And I'll end this by making a correction. I said caring about Britney was a surprise to me. Who am I kidding? I couldn't care less about her.

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here..."

So can anyone guess by the title who this post is about? What is up with Julia Roberts upper lip? I've seen her in movies where she's got a nice normal lip, then a scene where she starts to cry (like the "Drink your juice Shelby" scene in Steel Magnolias) and suddenly she's got this big pumped up snail sized lip that would rival Moms Mably and even make Mick Jagger jealous.
Now I must say, as I'm watching Ocean's Eleven and typing this, she's in a scene with George Clooney nowhere near crying, but she's got a lip that's pushing maximum density. It's not to the point of the Juice scene, but damn near close.
I don't mean to dog on Julia, but while I'm on the topic... any other southerners notice how terrible Julia's southern accent was in Steel Magnolias? She had the worst accent out of the entire cast and she's from Smyrna Georgia! (and saying she had the worst accent is pretty bad considering she was up against Darryl Hannah)
Don't get me wrong, I love Julia Roberts, I think she's cool as hell and a damn fine actress.... I was just curious about that lip thing. Seems I'm not the only one having fun with the Juice scene though... Don't you just love YouTube? See below:

10 at 10 and 5 at 5

One of my New Year's resolutions is to clean up my language. So far so good, except that I can't use one of my favorite adjective expletives to convey just how cold it is here in Chicago. (and if I did, that expletive would start with an F... in case you were curious). Not that I'm a big fan of cursing, but think about it. I could say "It's COLD!" and it still wouldn't carry the same meaning or impact as "It's F*#@ing COLD!" You just naturally get the depth and weight of the statement. However, I have to stick to the explative-less version and convey the rest with a little blogditty.

Last night I watched the first part of the news as I lay down to bed. It was 10pm and the little NBC Peacock time and temp banner on the bottom of the screen said 10:00 and 10 degrees.

Seeing that gives you that minute flash of interest like when you see a digital clock displaying the time as 12:34:56 (that is if you're easily entertained like me... very easily entertained) Little did I know that the weather was going to give me another little minisecond of entertainment when I woke up the next morning. It was, as you could guess from the title of this post, 5 degrees at 5:00am.

For those of you I left behind in South Carolina who don't get the joy of northern winters and still bundle up like Nannuck of the North when the temp hits 40, 5 degrees is snot freezing weather. 5 degrees jumps up your nostrils and freezes everything so quickly that pinching your nose can sound like a light glass shattering.

They say it will be this cold throughout the day and tomorrow with a warming trend toward the weekend. Funny thing about a couple of days at 5 degrees. When you've gone through 5 degrees, you find yourself pulling off the scarf when the temp hits a balmy 25 degrees. Not for long, mind you, but you do feel a difference.

I'm willing to put up with this weather because Chicago IS the bomb~! Living here is worth the sacrifice of a couple months hermiting away while the frigid wind blows outside.... But if I could put in a request to the weather gods... how about we start Spring in Chicago a little earlier as a bonus for making it through?