As Seen from Up Here...

Just call me Mu Shu Google

2010-04-18T12:50:00.008-05:00

While there was a looooong time where I wasn't blogging, there were still comments posted on my blog. There was a constant comment stream that was in Chinese. As you can see from previous entries, no comments posted during my hiatus were posted since they were mostly for me personally in support of my time.

Today, I received another Chinese posting in response to Feisty Friday. I thought I'd pull up the good old Google Translator and see what they were commenting on. Their comment was:

乳交挑逗淫婦色情俱樂部成人色情成人影片視訊網愛聊天室免費色情網情色區火辣美女情色性愛成人影音聊天成人色情網站全裸美女圖片成人裸照 sex 辣妹裸體美女全裸圖成人區 av女情色內容情色自拍貼圖成人色情網性愛論壇一對多性伴侶成人聊天室撫摸淫美成人論壇女人奶頭女生自慰影片台灣女優美女視訊一絲不掛一夜正妹成人影像巨乳大奶子情色性愛貼圖情色王國做愛視訊火辣情色台灣情色網情色聊天網性愛技巧淫娃情色成人巨乳辣妹性愛知識性經驗

Which translated into:

Milk delivery tease whore porn video club porn video network adult love erotic chat rooms free sex zone net erotic sex hot beautiful women porn sites adult video chat adult nude pictures adult nude sex beautiful nude babes beautiful nude female erotic Figure av adult area erotic adult sexual content network self-timer maps forum-many sex partners adult sex chat rooms adult Forum, the U.S. women lewd touching tits girls masturbation video beautiful women video naked night Taiwanese actress working girl erotic adult sex video Big Breasts big breast erotic kingdom map Taiwan sex video hot erotic sex erotic web erotic chat network techniques Yin Wa Big babes erotic adult sex knowledge experience

What the.....

Now the comment would have been posted as a link somehow but how would WE have known to follow this link to see Big Breast erotic Kingdom map or a (and God knows what this is) Milk delivery tease whore.

So I must apologize to my Chinese friend that I will NOT post your comments, perhaps the milkman can since you're having trouble getting your dairy orders. But let me leave you with my own special farewell....

到你的大米和挡我的博客您的小阴茎
(which doesn't precisely translate.... but....)

Return of Feisty Friday!

2010-04-09T07:45:00.010-05:00

Hello Blogverse! Yes I've been out of contact for quite a while, but it is what it is. I'm bouncing back in life finally and feeling good about the future. Do I have a job yet? Nope... but I'm still hopeful. I started pharmacy school (more accurately, the long road TO pharmacy school, but it's easier to just say pharmacy school since it's all going toward the same thing) in January and am really excited about this new career. More on that later. Now it's time for the return of Feisty Friday!

What's got me PO'd today:

Bullyin' Bitches

Phoebe Prince came from a small village in Ireland to South Hadley, Massachusetts to attend South Hadley High School. I don't know why, but I bet it wasn't to endure the bullying of the fat faced beyotch posse that began bullying her after she had dated 2 of the popular boys that, I'm sure, had grown tired of the posse and their stupidity. The bullying continued with no input or help from the school and the tragic end was that Phoebe took her own life to escape it.

What has me mostly irritated is that these stupid girls (and the boys that do it too) think they own the world and their lazy ass parents don't do a thing and probably say stupid things like "It's part of growing up" or "They're just kids" or "Yeah, that's my boy!"

What has me slightly irritated (more than slightly but I don't want to detract too much from Phoebe) is that this girl, who dated boys, is plastered all over the Internet and national news for her tragic incident. Is that wrong? NO WAY! The more bullying that is squashed the better. But what about the GLBT kids who are bullied EVERY DAY across the country and they're not given a single thought. What's worse is far too often the schools condone this action through their inaction. It's better than it used to be, but there's so much farther to go.

So R.I.P. dear Phoebe. I'm sorry that pie-faced petty girl ever crossed your path. To all the GLBT kids being tortured in silence. Hang in there, find a caring parent, or call a GLBT hotline to get help. If they can't help you, find a PFLAG group, they're the parents everyone could use :)

Darwin Award Winner

This idiot was on the Today show this morning. You can see on the video, he DARTS into traffic and BLAM! What irritates me about it? He sued the car driver and they reached a settlement. He's suing the bus company for not letting him out where there was a good cross walk. He rides the bus to work all the time (this he said in his interview) just like I do and even I know not to dart out in traffic or you may get hit! The fact that the car driver had to pay a dime is outrageous. I'll be damned if I'd pay for someone's stupidity like that! Had the car been operating unsafely, that's one thing, but he was not speeding, he was not swerving in and out of traffic, he was on the road like the other cars. I think the car driver should sue the idiot! Can you imagine the psych trauma suddenly hitting a human could cause you?

This Darwin Award winner is incredibly lucky. He's alive, is in a wheelchair now, but is expected to walk again. But given his stupidity, I'm guessing it's only a short amount of time before he gets it again.

KWITCHERBITCHEN!

Two complaint related Feists....

1. Today on Facebook a friend posted that he was glad he went to work today because they were handing out bonuses! Congrats to you! One of his friends commented:

"Don't even go there with me! My kid got more for his bday than I did for a bonus!"

Normally I don't snap back at people, but JEEZ! You have a job in this economy... THAT'S your bonus! 'Nuff said about that one....

2. During my absence from the blogworld I've had some very nice, supportive and treasured comments posted (that I kept private) supporting me in my time of uncertainty. For you, I'm TRULY thankful and even though I've never met most of you face to face, I count you among the special people in my life. There were a couple of you that wrote comments with statements like "You need to get over it and get back to writing" or "I'm really tired of coming to your site and not seeing new material".

To quote Donald Trump... You're fired.

Go ALLLLLLLLL the way back to to my very first post (which was ALSO on a Friday) and you'll see that my stepping into blogging was more about therapeutic than entertaining the masses. Oh sure, I'm very happy that I've collected some faithful readers and that some folks I've never met and have no connection with find my musings amusing (even you complainers) but this blog is a volunteer thing so unless you're going to start paying me, keep your barking orders to yourself. You've got a bucket load of nerve telling me that I need to get over the loss of my job, the upset of my professional life and what's caused me to go to a food bank (which is SO deflating) not to mention the loss and death of my best friend just so YOU can take your boring-ass life online to read about others and live vicariously through us.

Pay me and I'll write to your heart's content. Otherwise, Fluff you and the horse you signed in on!

Welcome back to Project Christopher!
I'll try to keep it consistent :)

Seems like just a couple of days ago....

2009-12-30T18:31:00.003-06:00

Plus 2 years... that I started blogging! Dang, it WAS! December 28 was my 2 year blogaversary.

I could back it up a couple of months since I've been out of sync, but let's just call it doing field research for blogging, stand up, something to bitch about, or at the very least something to compare to should times get tough again.

I've said that 2009 has sucked the big one and that 2010 has got to be better. I must admit, though, that 2009 had some positive aspects to it and I am thankful for them. I would like to go through a soul searching listing here, but I'm still not feeling THAT creative and this isn't for the contemplative author in me, I just want to give some general thanks.

Facebook - I know. Some folks just aren't very Facebookish, but I have met great new people. Best of all, I've reconnected with many people from Seneca, SC where I grew up. Often times reconnecting was like meeting new people because now we're all adults, we know what's important in life as well as what's NOT important... like all the petty high school stuff we were all living through last time I saw many of them in person. I've laughed and cried and visited many a trip down Memory Lane with these folks and I've been very sad that I haven't been able to travel back yet to see everyone in person. (Brace yourself Bobcats... January is coming!)

Family - My natural family, the two sisters and the brother. They're something I'm eternally grateful for and I don't know if I could ever tell them enough or make them realize the depth of my gratitude that they are a part of my life. You all may be 7 states and 17 hours away, but you're here with me 24/7.

Family - My 80's adopted family. You've seen "LeainSC" comment on my blog. She's been my "pseudosister" since the early 80's. We started the brother/sister thing since everywhere we went people thought we were dating. She became my sister for clarity, she stayed my sister... well, probably because I knew too much about her to let me go too far away.... In that package deal came her real younger sister and her mother. Later, Lea met her husband to be and after I finally convinced him (with cash) to marry her, he did. That quartet-o-crazy has made such an impact on my life throughout the years I wouldn't be able to laugh without them.

Family - The extended/chosen family that most gay folks make when they move away from home. Chicago is my second home and the people here have been a constant stream of smiles and support not only in the ick of 2009, but for the past coming on 10 years that I've been here.

So a big ole thank you to my fellow bloggers, my friends who with a 2 line email or text can make me laugh hard enough wet my pants, and to anyone who just thinks of me with a smile and a positive hope.

My new venture begins in 2010. Here's to the next decade!

As I live and breath!!

2009-12-16T11:02:00.007-06:00

Hi everyone, remember me? I'm that tall goofy, sometimes catty (yes, sometimes) and hopefully often humorous blogger you haven't seen or heard from in quite a while.

I'm back.... ish...

Where have I been you ask? In a word - depressed.

I learned about depression in health care. I worked with depressed people and even walked that fine line between supporting a chronically depressed person who, unknown to them, their depression perpetuated itself, and finding a stern, but supportive way to tell the constantly depressed "yes, life's a bitch, pick yourself up, find a way over and let's move on.

One thing I always wondered when I observed depression in others was how did they get to this point? No one could answer me completely and I couldn't understand why until now. You don't see depression coming. You don't feel it settle in for the long haul making itself comfortable. You just feel one day that it's not there, then suddenly you find days, weeks, maybe even months have passed and you've watched every show TiVo has saved for you two or three times; you're watching a show on why lasagna noodles are wavy on the side vs. uniformly flat (an hour long devoted to this) and the show stays on because while the physical exertion of changing the channel is nothing, the mental stamina needed to actually compare this C-IV level anesthetic of a show to others is just a prospect you don't want to face. So... noodles it is.. how interesting, and yes it is like that sea anemone that undulates through the sea, and on and on and on and on....

So, next question, why was I depressed? It was overall a mixture of actual events, fear for the future, loss of the past and the worry of being a failure. It started in mid-October when after a 3 day weekend to recover from my annual meeting I come in to work to find that I would no longer have work to come to. I won't go into the details because by this point, I don't give a crap. However, when staff was being let go, it was FAC's decision that I should be one of the lucky ones.

What's FAC you ask? Ask away, I'm not saying here in print. However, if you know me and my penchant for foul language blended with names, you may figure it out. If you can't, I'll tell you directly. Here's a hint... the C is the C-WORD that most everyone hates.
Anyway, since FAC had done my job before I came there in addition to her job, apparently her omnipotence could deliver the association through the cataclysmic financial year that was, after all, obviously my fault. So Obama administration, blame Bush on all the money woes the country has, but leave this little section of blame off of Dubya's shoulders... it had to be me.

So, after having fired 2 people since I began, in nice professional adult conversations, FAC apparently decided that while I may be a big pussy pacifist and shy away from arguments let alone physical confrontations, FAC saw fit to have not one, but TWO armed guards be present in her office when I was shown the door. I was so flustered I didn't really ask anything during the informative session, but I did ask about the two gentlemen. "Well, I was told that in this day and age I should be careful." Damn, All this time I could have been planting C4 and plotting against the Hethen Americans... but I didn't grab the chance when I had it. When the gents walked me outside with my stuff waiting for the cab, we ended our conversation smiling and sharing a laugh. Yeah FAC, I think they were probably there more for MY protection than yours. For me to do something like that would actually require me to give a rat's fucking ass about you to get the ire up to actually do harm.

AND HERE'S THE KICKER!!! FAC, God's supreme gift to association management and the self proclaimed paragon of people skills and communication, hid behind the 65+ year old part time accountant/human resources staff member (whom I love to death). This meek little lady who handled the entirety of the conversation with me (the suspected Al Qaida terrorist meeting planner) while FAC sat there. I'm sure FAC was thankful to have that human shield to do her dirty work. This human shield, who also has lung cancer and at the end of 2008 had a biopsy and was out of work off and on for several weeks. My thought, "Poor Mary (not real name) she's had lung cancer, she's dependent on her cane, she's so independent, but now she's having a throat biopsy which will affect how and what she can eat for some time. I hope she'll be OK." What did FAC say? "Well what are we going to do about the audit? Why did she choose to have this done now?"

Many lessons I've learned the hard way in life have been harder because I have to learn them more than once. One thing I HAVE learned in my 43 years is that Karma is kind, Karma is your friend, but Karma can be one MAJOR bitch. And even though I don't get the pure joy of actually seeing it happen, Karma is going to come and teach you a painful lesson FAC. I won't get to see it. I may not even get to hear about it, but the universe is just and I know it's coming. I just truly hope that your lesson doesn't negatively affect those wonderful coworkers I left behind.

Author's note: I truly didn't mean for that rant to come tumbling out the way it did. This is my first writing since mid October and damn if the words and emotions just didn't come flowing out like lava.

So I find myself unemployed
Again
at the end of the year
Again
And looks like I'll have to either skimp or postpone getting my family and friends holiday presents
Again.

Geez... could this get anymore oppressive?
Yes

By now, everyone reading this knows I'm gay. If you didn't.... now you do. This wasn't always the case. I used to call it my Mason Dixon secret. Everyone above the Mason Dixon Line knew... no one below knew... well, no one confirmed that they did. (When I first talked with MaleSib about whether he knew, he said "I'm an artist, I'm a musician, I work in a design firm.... DUH...." )

Having grown up in rural South Carolina where having a gun rack was only a couple of small steps from gay bashing, it was a closely guarded secret I was petrified to let go. Even today I feel a tad uncomfortable talking about this side of my life with loved ones from home. Not that they care, not that I'm discussing.... well.... those things.... but the reflex of secrecy is never far away when it comes to folks from back home.

There was one person who existed in both worlds for me. I met him when I lived in Charleston, SC and he was gay. He was the first gay person I truly, fully knew and he was the first person I was able to look at and say "yes, gay people are just as normal as anyone else" and that's what he wanted me to understand throughout the first years of our friendship. It was a bit skewed because he was one of those people who was drop dead gorgeous, built like a brick shit house, but was completely unaware and/or unaffected by it. He knew me at my heaviest but of the two of us, it was only me seeing me at my heaviest.

There have been very few people in my life that I've been so moved by their personality, ease and demeanor that I sought to emulate them and wish that I could have the ease of self that they had. Andy Bauer was one of these people. He was my halfway house between being straight and being gay. He was one who could make me laugh so hard no number of sit ups would equal the exercise my stomach muscles had just experienced.

Two weeks after I lost my job to FAC, I lost Andy to a car wreck while he was in Germany.
To quote Forrest Gump "That's all I have to say about that"

So here I find myself entering November. I don't have anything to do that doesn't cost. I don't have anywhere to go. I refuse to take loans and I thought I'd be content to catch up on television and couch surfing.

Early November slid into mid November. Mid November slid into late November and my plan to TRULY clean my apartment and take part in NaNoWriMo (where I write 50,000 first draft words on my first novel had stayed right there with me on the couch, not moving; not succeeding, and shutting myself away from my friends, family and even my blog and (gasp) Facebook.

I'm not quite out of the woods yet for feeling blah. But, LeafromSC and her husband resumed their yearly trek to Chicago for Thanksgiving and having faces I love with me made a great energy to start rejoining life. I still haven't written a word on my novel (NaNoWriMo 2010?) but I'm about 60% through my to do list on cleaning, decluttering and preparing to redecorate my apartment with my landlord.

Depression is a discreet, but total asskicker. Don't underestimate it and look for the signs in your loved ones. They may not want to hear it from you, but often just having someone break through that shell of gloom gives a spring of positive if even for a moment. I found myself collecting those as I went through November and I'm starting to see hope. Hope in the form of a probable career change. I'm still looking for a full time job in my industry, but I do start Pharmacy school part time in January. I want to get to that 130+K yearly salary, buy a nice car, travel a little (rebuild my now non-existent 401K) and go by FAC's office, walk up to her and channel Kathy Griffin and tell her to SUCK IT!!!

Love to you all, thank you for the well wishes and concern. It really is knowing you're all out there that makes me smile. And as I always told my Mom; don't worry about me and suicide. I'm too much a chickenshit to do it. :)

just for space

2009-10-30T11:25:00.002-05:00

Hi there!

It's been a while since I blogged. There's a good reason which I'll expound on soon. The real reason for this particular blog was to move that horrid Jim Carrey trailer picture down on my blog so I could see my other blog links.

What a waste of space huh?? :)

Blog you soon!

Hello, your 15 minutes are up, thank you, good bye....

2009-10-14T08:26:00.008-05:00

Last night I was doing some writing with the TV going in the background and I heard the advertisement for Disney's "A Christmas Carol" with Jim Carrey.

It struck me as I listened to it that even if I had not heard the name Jim Carrey, I would have known it was him simply by the fact that I've heard it all before... again and again and again. He's like Tom Cruise; a good actor, but he's not the character he plays, he is himself AS that character. Jim Carrey is not Ebenezer Scrooge, he's not the Grinch, he's not Ace Ventura, he is Jim Carrey pulling out the same sight and sound gags that he's beaten the dead horse with since he first played Fire Marshal Bill on In Living Color. Don't get me wrong, it was funny... 15 years ago. Since then it's as old and predictable as Cats.

So while griping on FB last night about Jim Carrey, I thought of others that are far extending their time of fame and really do need to step aside or come up with something so new we don't recognize that it's you! Here's the top list of offenders in my humble opinion....

Obviously... Jim Carrey - See rant above

Jack Black

WTF is this fool about anyway? I've never missed a Disney movie in the theaters since Aladdin came on the scene, but I didn't see Kung Fu Panda in the theaters because I just couldn't get past the fact that this idiot was at the helm. I did, ultimately, see the movie and I do like it. Mostly because A) the rest of the cast is fun and Dustin Hoffman is priceless. and B) You don't actually SEE Jack Black. I remember seeing The Holiday and thinking it was a cute story, but was SURE that Kate Winslet's inner monologue was:

"Bloody Hell! Cameron gets to snog on Jude Law and I get.... THAT?!?!?" Where's my agent?"

I guess not since Andy Kaufman has there been someone who continued to be famous just for being an idiot.

Jay Leno

I actually like Jay Leno. Not as a talk show host, but as a stand up comedian he was priceless. I think the reasoning behind his show this fall isn't so much that "Ooohhh... America loves Jay and will revolt and fall into the ocean if we don't have him on TV somehow" it's more "We don't want to have to pay for another series in the 10pm slot so let's just pay one and take him well past his 15 minutes." Still, he could have said no. Did Johnny Carson keep milking that pig? NO... Sorry Jay, time to go.

Twilight & Vampires

Now before Lea in SC throws an aneurysm, let me define this one a little differently. I don't think Twilight's time has come and gone, but we're close if you don't hurry up and launch this damn movie. Was the first movie good? Yeah, it was OK.... if I were a 16 year old girl I may have enjoyed it more as we took incredibly LOOOOOOOONNNNGGGGG boring shots of Kristin Stewart pining inwardly for the vampire boy she wants, but maybe shouldn't have because her hangnail could mean her instant death but her heart will go on blah blah blah.... yeah, young teen love is great, but let's get to more killing.

Anyway, this movie sparked Vampalooza and created so many vampiric spin offs that the market was quickly saturated with a fad that could not last. The first movie was uber-hyped and produced an overall 'meh from much of the world, yet we do want to see the next installment. However, this phenom has hit its apex and Vampire popularity is starting to dwindle. If Twilight wants its moon to stay new, it better launch before we're so tired of Vampires it's not tossed into the same "ho hum" heap that CW's Vampire Diaries was in before it even had a chance to be liked. Twilight, your 15 minutes aren't up, but you're rounding 10 minutes and to reset the clock you need to get going.

Racism is Alive and Well on CTA

2009-10-09T09:56:00.001-05:00

Or Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right

I take the X80 Irving Park Bus twice a day five times a week. I also take the Blue Line between Irving Park and Harlem twice a day five times a week. I noticed something about a year ago and since then I've kind of kept a watch on it just out of curiosity and today's incident prompted me to write.

A little back story for the non-Chicagoans. CTA offers an "X" route or eXpress route on some of it's longer and more high traffic routes. Coming from Lakeview's Center of the CTA Bus Universe that is Irving Park Road and the lake, the 80 Irving Park Route is a popular option for getting from my area by the lake to the Blue Line and on to the airport.

The Irving Park 80 route will make approximately 20 stops between Broadway and the Blue Line. The X80 will make approximately 8. So you can see that the X80 is a commuter's best friend! I've been in Chicago long enough that when I first started commuting, there was no X80 as it started in 2004. For the first month or so drivers would stop for people who hadn't quite realized the difference between the 80 and the X80. Then after that they would motor right past them.

Flash forward to the past year. In the mornings I walk to the Broadway stop where there are at least two buses parked at any time. More often than not there is one 80 and one X80. You can easily guess which one I will get on.

Often times you'll see people still at a stop that is not serviced by the X80 and, as they should, the express bus goes right past them. Sometimes, on the rare occasion, the bus WILL stop. I notice these times and I also notice this:

The rider waiting to be picked up is black and the driver is black. OR the rider waiting to be picked up is Hispanic and the driver is Hispanic. I've never seen a driver stop at an undesignated stop for someone of a different racial group. While yes, it's a nice thing to do, two wrongs don't make a right. There are those screaming "Well it's what white people have done for ages!". To those I have two rebuttals; not THIS white person so get off the generalizations, and does that make it right to be done in retaliation?

There are so many things done these days in the name of this "retaliation" that it is clear to me that racism will NEVER fully die. Not as long as it is kept alive by the ones who say they're the victims of it. Once a black woman was making racial slurs toward a white guy. Someone called her a bigot. She said "I'm not a bigot, I'm not white".

I guess it's time for me to go out and persecute and throw rocks and slurs at the straight folks and beat them within an inch of their life so I can tie them to a barbed wire fence to die.

What, that would be wrong??

The Bad Side of Good News

2009-09-24T13:53:00.007-05:00

Today it was announced that a major step forward in the prevention of HIV infection occurred. From MSNBC:

BANGKOK - For the first time, an experimental vaccine has prevented infection with the AIDS virus, a watershed event in the deadly epidemic and a surprising result. Recent failures led many scientists to think such a vaccine might never be possible.
The World Health Organization and the U.N. agency UNAIDS said the results “instilled new hope” in the field of HIV vaccine research, although researchers say it likely is many years before a vaccine might be available.

Today on Facebook a friend posted to my home page the question "What are your thoughts?" along with the link to the MSNBC article above. My first thought was "GREAT!" Then, as you would suspect, the rest of my mind kicked in.

Yes, overall, I'm SUPER pleased! It's a very small step. It was only effective in 30% of the cases and it is really only effective on one of the strains in Thailand. BUT that's all more than we had last year.

What made me even consider a dark cloud about this was the line in the article that says it is likely to be "many years before a vaccine might be available".

There's a vaccine for swine flu coming out this fall
and that pig hit the fan last year!

Why am I bitching about that? Because if in the early 1980's HIV had been touted as the cataclysmic, earth shaking bug that Swine Flu is now, we could be enjoying the fruits of HIV research NOW... not YEARS from now. But because it was first called "Gay Cancer" then called "Gay Related Immunodeficiency Disease" or GRID the general (i.e. religious republicans...) wouldn't touch it. Many were saying it was God's punishment on the Gays.

It was several years and hundreds (if not thousands) of AIDS related deaths after the discovery before our "beloved" president, who is SUPPOSED to represent EVERY American even said the words HIV and AIDS in public. Until then nothing was being done. People were dying and no one in the establishment gave a rat's ass because who's going to miss a few fags out in San Francisco?

A group called ACTUP decided they'd had enough of seeing their friends die; dropping like flies around them. My guess is that less than 10% of the people reading this post truly know what that is like. ACTUP did just that... They acted up! In the joking words of my faux family back in South Carolina they "Showed ass at....." and fill in the blank where applicable.

I don't want to turn this into a rant the length of the Bible, but if you heard me say anything even minutely negative about the great leap forward in AIDS research that we experienced this week, I wanted you to know why. This is a GREAT DAY!!!! I'm just disappointed it couldn't have been August 8, 2001.

So back to the sunshine that today is! It is a great leap forward and we're that much closer to finding a vaccine to prevent and then hopefully one to cure.

Creeping me since 1979

2009-09-21T08:02:00.005-05:00

One of the benefits of being in a small town and being a latch key kid (and also being tall for my age since birth) was that occasionally I got to see movies I wouldn't normally be able to. Specifically horror movies.

Now before you start tsk tsking my mom and her parenting ability, there has actually been a very positive outcome from this. After growing up seeing blood, guts and gore in movies, I was essentially desensitized to gore by the time I started working in the Emergency Rooms of my health care career. Broken bones, blood, guts, brains shot out... nothing bothered me to the point of not being able to handle it. Don't get me wrong. I felt for the people, I felt bad and was impacted by these injuries, but the affect was that to this day I can NOT understand people who say (and do) "I faint at the sight of blood" wuss...

So while I join millions who still enter the planet's oceans fearing either sharks or cellos with their forever known duuuuuuh dum..... duuuuuuuh dum. dum dum dum dum dum dum..... ( it's the Jaws tune... work with me) There is another, much more seemingly benign fear that I have to this day as a 43 year old thanks to a horror movie, and that's the fear of 3:15am.

If you didn't see or read The Amityville Horror, you don't know. Part of the story was that the 'evil' of this house continually woke up George Lutz (played by James Brolin) at 3:15am and all sorts of evil would ensue.

There have been times in my life where I would wake up in the middle of the night and it would be 3:13am... and I'd lie there (under the covers) petrified until the clock read 3:16. I'd often give it until 3:20 because who knows, maybe evil missed the L and was running a little late. But still, from the time I saw this movie until last night when I woke up at 4:00am on the dot needing to go to the bathroom I still at the very least NOTICE the time in the middle of the night.

One of the last times my entire family was together before mom passed, I found out through telling the story that my brother MaleSib ALSO had this 315aphobia. My first reaction was I was glad I wasn't the only one. My second was a sense of relief that he never found out until I was an adult because he didn't need any more ammo to scare the bejeezus out of me as a kid! Being the web based tech geek that he is and loves, he was surfing about and found an online auction of pop culture items and sent me a link to a couple of them. The first was a computer panel from Star Trek: First Contact. The second was this:

It's not only A clock reading 3:15, it's THE clock from the movie.... SEE... if he had known I was afraid of 3:15 as a kid he'd have set his clock every night until I was in a padded room!

Luckily the bidding starts at several hundred dollars and a gag gift isn't worth all that. Although, perhaps if we got it we could have a sledge hammer party and bring closure as he said.

But then the hammers would start to bleed, the flies would come out in the winter and some pig's eyes would appear in the broken glass and turn away suddenly with a OINK!

Don't get those last references? Good, that means you'll be sleeping well tonight. Me, I'll be taking some Tylenol PM and not drinking water after 8pm.

OK, I'm back sooner than I thought...

2009-09-18T14:07:00.004-05:00

But for good reason!

I'm starting up again to take part in the Susan G. Komen for the Cure 3Day walk in August.

My mom, who you all know if you've read my blog, passed away in 2005 and I really want to do the walk to honor her. So cough it up! (Lea, you're set) I'll be posting on my Walk For Patsy blog as I get ready and there will be a comedy benefit with me, my fellow blogger Stephen and another of our comedy friends and (hopefully) a surprise REAL get-paid-for-it comedian in Chicago in February so if you're local, get ready!

Meanwhile, get out the credit card and help out!
Donation Page

Yes I'm shamelss... go give dangit!

Yes I know.....

2009-09-18T09:42:00.003-05:00

It's been forever since I posted. (well, a week in blog time IS close to forever)

Work has been oppressive as we prepare for our annual conference in Anaheim, California. The highlight of which, aside from seeing someone after 6 months, will be finally getting this albatross of a conference over with.

However, I have several postings that I've started, but left unfinished as work pulled me away.

I'm going to turn my United flight 556 into my writer's office and the four hour flight into my catch up time. That... or I'll read Kathy Griffin's new book and laugh annoyingly out loud for my fellow passengers :) Am I sitting with my coworkers? No. They know better than to sit next to the 6'7" person who doesn't fit into anything commercial.

Watch for more posts to pop up after September 26.

If you don't, blame Kathy Griffin

George Patrick McLaughlin

2009-09-11T09:25:00.007-05:00

This is a special post for Project 2,996

George Patrick McLaughlin

I hope it’s not too forward of me, someone who’s never met him or had heard his name until this week, to call him Georgie. However after reading about him, Georgie seems to be the name those who loved him used and I would guess, by the smile that I’m sure was everpresent, that he liked Georgie just fine.

Georgie was 36 when his life ended and our lives changed forever as he was one of the 2,996 victims in the September 11 attacks. In honor of Georgie, though, I’d like to think that he and I were a little alike in that while we respected the tragedy, we would both be the kind to try to lighten the mood. I didn’t know him, but I feel that through reading about him and reading the comments posted on various sites to him that I came to know him as I come to know literary figures.

Georgie seemed to be the one that made people laugh, no matter what. I imagine that his time at Matawan Regional High School in Matawan, NJ prepared him for what his mother called “majoring in girls” at Wesley College. Comments of the parties, talks, and Georgie watching out for his friends populate all the comments made through the various Remembrance sites.

The Georgie in my mind was loyal to his friends and family. He had 3 sisters and while not the oldest, I see him as the big brother to all of them. Georgie could be laughing and having a good time in one moment, but switch gears to help someone who had a problem the next moment. How would he help them? Make them laugh. Long talks, pulling them out of the blue mood and making them feel bigger than the problem they had originally experienced. His ability to look after and over people were so strong that people reference his insight and taking care of a recently passed loved one even after Georgie was gone.

Georgie, my fellow Irishman, those you knew miss you greatly, but still smile even if through tears when they think of you. I never had the privilege of meeting you, but I’m glad I had the chance to learn a little about you and form who you were in my mind. I hope I got it right. The world is at a loss without you in it, but it is a comfort to know we have a good hearted man with a sense of humor watching over us.

HOLY COW....

2009-08-24T12:20:00.002-05:00

I'm still speechless (no pun intended) at what I just found over at Neatorama.

You can watch The Miracle Worker all you want, but to see Helen Keller HERSELF is moving to me beyond words.

"....wading through a shitstorm of people....."

2009-08-24T09:51:00.004-05:00

Yes, it's official.

I'm hooked.

Many people in my life will say "Well duh...." But for some reason I didn't make it to the second episode of Nurse Jackie when it was originally airing. It wasn't because the show wasn't good enough, but timing... my timing... was off.

In this age of "come back and view it later" when you can more often than not go to the website of a show and catch up on episodes, I find myself doing just that. If I miss a premiere episode or a couple just after, I won't try to come back in. Instead, I like to have one of those vegetative days where I just marathon a program, catch up on rest and catch up on the show I've been missing.

Nurse Jackie is nearly every nurse's chance to say "Hell yeah!" because the writer's allow Jackie to say and do the things we were never able to. Don't get me wrong. MUCH of what she's doing is SO very illegal. I even found myself toward the end of my marathon beginning to feel worry because she's going to get in trouble sooner or later. I mean... shave a corner here... OK.... do a little trickery there... well.... gotcha covered. But by the end I'm starting to fear for my OWN non-existent nursing licence!

My fellow blogger RadioPeter is thinking about nursing school. I think that this show is a great primer for wannabe nurses. OK, forget the part about how easy it may seem to steal and freebase Oxycontin (it's not... you WILL get caught) but the real, raw look into what nursing is and what they go through is unapologetically placed on the screen and BAM.. that's it.

In one scene Jackie's nursing student feels like she just can't do the job. Sometimes that's a sign for you to tell the student "Yes, you're right, get the F out now and go into stenography because all YOU want is a doctor husband..." But there are some that you KNOW they have the spirit for it and while the job is crap, you don't want them washed out by it. Jackie lays it out in a line that will be cheered by me for a long time:

What's this about? Nobody ate your muffins? You found an ear in the toilet? So what? You know what this job is honey? This job is wading through a shit storm of people who come into this place on the very worst day of their lives. Just so you know, doctors are here to diagnose, not heal. We heal. All saints is in the business of flipping beds. That's it. End of story. The fact that you have even the slightest inclination to help people puts you miles ahead of 100 percent of the population. So stop crying, okay? Buck up. If you need to cry, go do it in the ladies' room. Is that clear?

Tonight's episode is the season finale. All I can say is I hope Edie Falco is enjoying her hiatus... cuz lady, you better get back to the set soon because if I can't watch you find new ways to incorrectly take your illegal pain meds... I may have to try them myself.

Compassion is as compassion does!

2009-08-21T09:38:00.005-05:00

I'm afraid if I went Feisty today all I'd have to complain about is work and that's not good. One thing I will mention is my distaste for the release of a terrorist.

Today, the Scottish justice secretary announced the decision to release the Libyan intelligence officer convicted of taking part in the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland. The convicted terrorist, Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi, has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and is being released on “compassionate grounds.”

Did Ali al-Megrahi have any compassion for the people in the plane? Nope. Do I think he should have been released. HELL no. But he was, and he's not going back into prison. The only icing would have been if he'd been shot 2 steps from actually stepping on Libyan soil. Whatever. There's a nice spot in hell for you brillo headed asshat. Enjoy....

But today, while not the happy good weather Friday I'd like to have, does have a pick-me-up to it. Fellow blogger RadioPeter is working his way toward nursing school. Last night we met for dinner so I could regale him with nursing stories and school advice. I hope it's helpful as it is a decade old and from a southern state. He asked "Were you in a union?" and I sat there, chopsticks in mid bite with an undoubtedly dumb gaze as I thought... "uhhhh.. no... didn't know they had those.."

He introduced me to Vietnamese (corrected by Peter! whooops!) food and I gave him my favorite ER gems like the whistling coke bottle and the patient who sat on the fan blade of his riding lawnmower engine.... Equal trade I think. I also learned of a Nurse Jackie marathon and I will be submersing myself into Jackie world this evening and tomorrow as I let my mind recover from this ASS of a week that is ending well with a new friend and a nurse who had it worse than me.

Ain't life grand? :)

From Bad to Good

2009-08-20T11:40:00.004-05:00

I'm in a foul mood today. I'm trying my best to come out of what work has put me in so my usual recourse is Facebook and my favorite blogs. I realized I can't get out of blue funk when I keep seeing Michael Vick and that poor dog so I'm cannibalizing Neatorama for a fun story they just posted.

In honor of the children's game Candyland having its 60th Anniversary, Lombard street in San Francisco was turned into Candyland and several children's benefit organizations brought kids out to enjoy it, interact with characters and have snacks at the end. Very cool idea I believe!

Not enough to pull me out of the mood, but it's a step!

Look! Something Shiny!

2009-08-14T10:33:00.013-05:00

Fiesty Friday - ADHD edition

I've not had much of a Fiesty Friday feeling lately, but in the past few days I've been getting inspiration left and right! Time to make up for lost time.... Let's start with:

Are you F-ing kidding me????

Michael Vick is not only out of jail early, but he's also being signed on to the Eagles. He can't play until the NFL lifts his ban, but someone still signed him.

The Eagle's coach said on the news this morning that everyone deserves a second chance. Apparently he knows as many of his team members have criminal records. I agree... people do deserve a second chance.... so do dogs.

Can we tie Vick up naked, pour A1 steak sauce on is wang and let this poor guy below go after him? If we're lucky, the NFL will not lift the ban and he'll be a dead duck. If he DOES get permission to play by November 22 when they come to Chicago to play the Bears... it won't be the Bears that soulless fucker has to worry about. Myself and a whole bunch of other animal rights folks will be looking for a way to make his life hell! (and it won't be pouring beer on him)

Beer? Segue moment!

The Wrigley Beer Thrower
- OR -
Why suburbanites shouldn't be allowed at Cubs Games
(yes, a gross generalization of suburbanites)

My own views on why suburbanites shouldn't be allowed at games stems from their apparent inability to function when it comes to CTA and public transportation.

(We could HONESTLY be half way home before they figure out where to put their money while they juggle their barely hidden beer which IS illegal on CTA no matter what you do out in Wheaton on Metra)

What happened my dear non-Chicagoan readers may ask?

Well, this asshat, J0hnny Macchione from Bartlett, IL comes to the game... He's on Facebook, go hound him!

Gets the DUMBASS idea (like many testosterone + beer addled straight boys with stupid facial hair) to dump beer on this Phillies player as he's going to catch a ball.

THEN, when security comes to take care of the offender, what does this friggin douchebag do? Points his finger at someone else!!!

Causing security to go after the guy in glasses

Then the stupid facial hair, beer tossing, testosterone ridden, fuckwit from Bartlett, let the guy take the fall and disappeared into the crowd.

Now I will give the knuckle-dragger 2 points of credit. He had good aim. If you watch on video how quickly and nonchalantly he tossed the beer, it's a wonder it hit the player so perfectly. The other point of credit, he quickly realized (or someone told him) that on a nationally televised game by a Chicago TV station when an opposing player was about to catch what was about 4 feet from being a Cubs home run, there was PROBABLY a video of him dumping the beer.

He apologized (oh so sincerely.... whatever) on TV and said he was sorry for disgracing the Cubs. You didn't disgrace the Cubs Fuckwit, you disgraced yourself, Bartlett, and other stupid 21 year olds with lame facial hair. The only person who could possibly be happy with your antics was the guy who caught the ball and caused the Cubs a win several years ago. For now the spotlight is off of him... for a moment.

YELLING! - OR - I'd rather be Deaf than listen to more of your bile!

The whole health care and death squads crap makes my head hurt. I'll let my other new BFF explain it better. Take it away Rachel!

and finally on a serious note.....

Why can't it be the bad people?

This reminds me of a story Max's Dad did back in September of 2008 about the senseless death of an innocent. While Taccara Swain is still alive as of this blog post, she's in critical condition after being shot in the head by someone who was having a heated argument with another gang banger in another car on the South Side of Chicago.

Was Taccara hooking on that street? No
Was Taccara out causing trouble on the streets? NO
What was she doing? Walking her 2 year old cousin home after they'd been playing. Taccara heard the shots begin, she bent down to shield the two year old and took a bullet herself.

If the guilty parties are caught, I say tie them up and put them in the same room with Michael Vick when we let the dogs go after them. Then they'll really be singing 'Who let the dogs out!'

Taccara, we're all thinking of you and hoping for a recovery for your physical injuries for now, and, God willing, you live your psychological injuries later.

What a loss!

2009-08-12T17:10:00.007-05:00

EUNICE KENNEDY SHRIVER 1921 - 2009

All the papers keep showing her more recent pictures, but knowing what she did with the Special Olympics I like to think that no matter her age or outside appearance, Eunice still had the heart and drive of the young woman pictured above.

In today's RedEye there was a piece where world leaders expressed their thoughts on the passing of Mrs. Shriver. Her brother, Sen. Edward Kennedy said

"She understood deeply the lesson our mother and father taught us - much is expected of those to whom much as been given. "

Too often that saying would fall flat when those of us regular folks are hit so hard by the economy and we look at the lavish lives the Kennedy family lead. However, with Mrs. Shriver I can see that she truly took this to heart. If you don't believe that, would we ever see pictures of joy and inclusion like the ones below without her?

I had the opportunity to work with the Special Olympics once and these people feel as joyous as Olympians!

Great work Eunice! We'll miss you greatly!

Update-a-palooza!

2009-08-11T09:37:00.004-05:00

Hi Everyone, So sorry I've been absent. Between work and life it's been hard to keep up with the blog. No excuse I know, but part of what's kept me from regular posting is I'm actually writing! WOOHOO. I can hear some of you now screaming to see what I'm writing, but patience is a virtue. I will never show you raw writing so you have to wait for me to write it, review it, make some fixes and bring you an almost complete passage. Not that there's not editing suggestions I'll take once I put it out there, but as Stephen King said the first draft is written with the door closed. The door is closed people!

I will say that I've been surprised that some of my fears about writing have been alleviated. Some instructional books and famous authors say that they spend time writing out character profiles, outlining the story then filling in the detail after all the pre-emptory homework. Others (like my new BFF Stephen King) say that they just start writing and it comes. Mr. King said he doesn't write the story as much as his characters create the story and tell him about themselves and he trusts them, the characters, to tell him about themselves. When I initially read that, I thought it must be a trait that comes after years of consulting the writing muse. Just yesterday I started writing a new piece and surprisingly the story just started unfolding. I see the story happening in my imagination and I've been surprised to see the story taking turns that I hadn't thought of on my own. It's quite exciting!

So stay tuned for some short stories that will either appear here or in a brother-blog.

Even though I've been writing, I've still been annoyed enough to post my rants here so let me catch up on some.WHO

THE F*CK
CARES????

Why are we still paying attention to these baby factories? They divorced, someone cheated, the kids squeal, eat and poop? WHO CARES? This morning as I was watching the NBC news they said NBC staffers in New York stated that when Kate was a guest on the Today show she was one of the worst guests, that she cursed like a drunken sailor and when the camera was moving to take a shot of her entourage she threatened to walk off the show. Merideth Viera denied this, but I have a feeling there's a little truth in there.

I can't wait til their 15 minutes are LONG since over!

... for that OMG moment...

2009-08-06T16:04:00.006-05:00

I've never watched Gossip Girl. Even before it started it sounded sophomoric. I have absolutely no clue what the show is about. I couldn't name one person who stars in it. The only thing I know that came out of it is the OMG phenomenon and how every product or service aimed at tween and early teen girls has used it somehow.

and now I will too, but in a completely unrelated way. (its my blog, just go with it)

Several weeks ago I wanted to find an image that was related to Clemson University (where I went to college if you didn't know) or Tiger Band to use as my profile image on Facebook for a change. I came across a picture that was impressive; a tattoo on a guy's back in the shape of a tiger paw with the tiger face inside it.

Nice art work, right?

So today (even as I type this) I'm on a conference call where my only contribution is to start the call and then convert oxygen into carbon dioxide. I've been surfing the web for the past hour and I found a site with about 50 + lists ranging from 15 Worst Plastic Surgeries, 20 Unbelievable Human Medical Conditions to 15 facts you didn't know about your body (did you know the human body can produce aspirin on its own? It's a FACT!)

My OMG moment came when I clicked on the list called "Another 10 Misspelled Tattoos".....

OH

MY

GOD!

I'll even throw in a WTF for this one.

When I got my tattoo it was illegal to get tattoos in South Carolina. (I drove an hour north and was in North Carolina.. so there you Bible thumping blue law freakshows!) But now the laws have changed and you can. Perhaps they may have needed a spelling test for certification.... I don't know... .but the only reason I could possibly think of for a South Carolina person not to be able to spell Clemson properly is that they were a USC GAMECOCK FAN! (Clemson's century old rival) or really hated this poor boy.

Perhaps he went out of state... perhaps he went west of the Mississippi or however far you have to get away from the southeast or eastern seaboard to not have heard of ClemSON. Hell, even the name Clemmons has two "m"s in it.

The back piece is beautiful, the tiger paw still has me in awe of the artwork. But this child is scarred for life and I KNOW the University won't change its name to help him.

I bet he was a Kappa Sig....

... whilst Deirdre' wept cool tears...

2009-08-03T12:31:00.005-05:00

I've been doing my due diligence with my writing and learning what I can where I can. I've learned a lot and hope to be successful from taking the advice of people who know, even if they seem an unlikely source for that knowledge. I've discovered something through the advice though;

Like the TLC show "What Not to Wear" I think there should be a show called "What Not to Write". Sadly, many of the people who need this valuable lesson probably see themselves as too professional to need the advice.

Such is a writer for the Los Angeles Times, Shari Roan.

Shari wrote a piece that appeared in today's issue about a little boy, born deaf, that has received cochlear implants . While her article offers hope for the boy, and I'm happy for him, she apparently was absent the day they taught the lesson "make sure your article and title don't piss off people" The initial title on this article is "The Sound of One Boy Healing". The subsequent title is "Cochlear implants open deaf kids' ears to the world"

Lesson 1: Healing. Was his hearing loss due to an injury? Nope, he was born deaf. It happens. He's healing from surgery yes, but the title alone, as it always has, makes deafness sound like an illness. If you believe that, I have about 8,000 people in the Chicago area alone that I can text and have them share with you how wrong that is.

Lesson 2: This is nitpicky, but I'm pissed so I can be nitpicky. "...open deaf kids' ears to the world" If you paid attention to the "how the implants work" section in your own article, Ms. Roan, you'd see that the technology bypasses the ear entirely. So there! NYEAHHHH!

Lesson three: Not a "What Not to Write" but just a point to my readers who may not know. The father of the child says:

"We just want him to hear," says his father, Michael, 38, a registered nurse, on an October day at the couple's town house in Harbor City. "We want him to be independent."

Talk about pigeon-holing your kid early?!?! I guess I had better tell my Deaf friend Raymond who owns the largest interpreting and Deaf services agency in Chicago who just purchased a vacation home in Michigan, owns a gorgeous condo and just bought a nice new Lexus that he better give it all back since being deaf means not being able to fend for yourself. And a NURSE said that....

Lesson Four: Wouldn't it be simpler to say...?
This reminded me of a bit in "Auntie Mame" when she's writing her memoirs with a wordy ghost writer:

"I wonder if the general public is going to understand all this symbolism. (She reads) 'Like an echo from the caves of Coccamaura, I came forth whilst Deirdre wept cool tears.' Wouldn't it be simpler to say, 'On the day I was born, it rained in Buffalo?'"

Yes, Ms. Roan, instead of your sensationalizing with "some sliver of the racket... can penetrate his brain" wouldn't it be simpler to say "He can hear"? (thanks Just Kevin for the reference!)

Anyway, I will tip my hat to Ms. Roan for one thing. As I found out in my short and ill-fated job when I lived in Southern California, nothing is a complete waste. If nothing else, from that job, I learned what NOT to do in convention & event planning. As with Ms. Roan, (and as if I didn't know this already... called common sense) I have strengthened my knowledge of What Not to Write!

And Stephen King is the key.....

2009-07-23T16:35:00.006-05:00

I've always been amazed at people who've been at their jobs for 15, 25, 30 or more years. My personal best was 5 years at Roper Hospital in Charleston, SC. That's not to say I'm flighty with jobs, but between downsizing, changing careers, etc. I've just been a bit of a nomad.

While security is a great thing, I think I was meant to be one of those people who wasn't necessarily meant to stay in one career path or one place for good. I may have had a longer tenure with a company if I hadn't had such a burning curiosity for a variety of things. Even growing up this was the case. I couldn't be in band and on day one play the tenor sax and end my musical life on tenor sax. I explored everything and now I've played (or played at) tenor, alto, soprano sax, clarinet, bass clarinet, flute, Irish fiddle, didgeridoo and had a fun stint with rifle/color guard.

My career has seen the same multi-interest translate into new careers. Sign Language interpreting, medical technology, nursing, convention planning, etc. And now, while this isn't a career change, I am finally looking to pay long-absent attention to a creative skill I've seemed to always enjoy, but didn't realize I was always enjoying it. I like writing.

I don't plan to hash out the great American novel or even have writing a novel as a goal, but it could happen. As with any new topic my mind sparks an interest in, I first started with the Dummies books. As usual, it was a great overview and skimming of not only the writing process, but the business side as well. There were references to other books galore, but one that stuck out in my mind was Stephen King's On Writing. I started reading it this past week and I'm really impressed and surprised by this book. It's so conversational you feel as if he's sitting with you.

If you like Stephen King's fiction in the past get this book if you haven't read it already. The first nearly half of the book is almost a biography, but you see in his biography where his past created his future. The portion on where the idea(s) for Carrie came from out of his being a janitor in a high school were informative. Especially how it almost wasn't written.

So building on his very first bit of advice from writer and fellow blogger SueBob (who I get the extreme pleasure of meeting face to face this week while she's attending BlogHer here in Chicago!) I'll be adding Stephen King's fun and not so fun advice. I hope to start sharing some work, both old and new, with you soon.

Just wanted to share...

2009-07-23T09:50:00.002-05:00

This was posted over at Neatorama. It's got a little bit of the "Watch out... white boy dancing" feeling to it, but still... What a way to get down the aisle vs. the usual, overly somber, march of death?!?!

Congrats Jill & Kevin!!

I'm Baaaack

2009-07-15T14:10:00.005-05:00

I've been off-line for a while but I'm back(ish).
(yeah, that's all the explanation you're getting)

I was a couch potato yesterday as I was home sick from work yesterday. There wasn't anything on TV and I've seen every movie in my DVD collection at least 10 times. I had 3 movies from Netflix, but being sick and down, I didn't really feel like I was in the mood for the downer messages they all seemed to have. One I had seen, Milk with Sean Penn, and while it was the beacon of hope, he still dies and that seemed a little depressive to me for yesterday.

The other two I had not seen and now I kind of wish I hadn't. By the way, possible spoilers ahead. Look at the pictures. If you have not seen these movies and plan to, don't read on... be warned in more ways than one.

DOUBT

I can hear everyone getting up in arms for tagging out this movie with all it's power house actors and award nominations. Phillip Seymour Hoffman, whom I respect as an actor, but haven't really cared for since his icky part in Flawless (can you say acting every stereotype? I mean, he put an S in "Cracker") But to his credit, he was, from what this Southern Baptist turned Lutheran understands, the proper character for a priest and did the part proud.

Meryl Streep was great, as always. I think after watching her performance I've learned that it's not that I think actors can't do well with accents, it's just I hate the accent they're portraying. It must mean that they're doing it very well!

My problem with the movie you ask?? After so much set up and character build and silent shots of that blond boy with a self inflicted nose bleed, the story almost seemed chopped. And after an entire movie showing how Meryl Streep's character had a bigger penis than Philip Seymour Hoffman's did, it's at the END.. and I mean the LAST friggin' line of the movie, that she breaks down and says "I Have Doubts". I didn't read the book, but it felt like the writer was scribbling furiously through the last chapter and it was 4:58pm and the final product had to be in the producer's hands by 5pm or the deal was off.

Performances: 10 Storyline: meh

The other movie I think you'll agree with me on...

The Happening

I can hear some of you saying

"Why the hell did you rent it in the first place?"

I knew it wouldn't be as good as M.NS's other movies. Each as been a grade lower than before. But the most vocal opponent of The Happening (yes, you J.Kev) was also a very vocal opponent of The Sixth Sense, which I liked. I thought maybe it wasn't that bad.

yeah it was

The grass? The trees? Let me get this right.....
Not only can the plants produce a toxin that causes humans to NOT ONLY lose that self preservation part of our psyche that keeps us from allowing ourselves to be harmed, but it also makes you seek out a way to off yourself at that moment!

And that's not all!

They can apparently count also and really stick to that law about how many people constitute a mob... which is apparently 6 and up... 5 if one of you is a little girl.
And, if you think that all this cognitive ability is just way too out of line for the photosynthesis crowd, they can apparently control the wind too. It's just too coincidental that when the plants wanted to off that group of 12 people, the wind JUST happened to whip up when they finished their tally and farted their toxins to kill.

One site gag that I had a laugh at was when two smaller groups of people converged, they exceeded the allowable limit of humans so the plants pooted their "go f*#k yourself" pollen and one man had only one choice for offing himself.... laying down in the path of a riding lawnmower. I can hear the grass blades laughing their asses off over that one!

I will give the plants this though. They hit New York City first and then they hit the French.... at least they know good targets when they see them. To quote my friend Stephen, 'atta girl

When looking around for The Happening I saw the heading The Happening 2 for a sequel. After my jaw dropped, I found this.

Yeah, I'm a Dummy

2009-06-29T11:58:00.003-05:00

I've been working on a long term project called Spring Cleaning. I say long term because I actually started this particular project back in winter. And given that Chicago had exactly 2 hours and 35 minutes of actual spring this year, I will take that to mean that it is Spring only in name and I can start/finish it at my leisure.

One of the things I'm doing is getting rid of a lot of stuff I keep carrying around. Part of that stuff is a lot of books. I'd forgotten how many of these I had and I noticed this weekend that I had a large number of the "_______ for Dummies" books. My first one was back in 1999 when I first moved to California and it was Investing for Dummies. I must have either been a real dummy or lost interest pretty quickly as I don't remember finishing the book. However, I did find that the premise and layout of the books were very favorable and were an easy read...unless it was about investing apparently.

Over the years whenever my interest in something peaked enough to go beyond the initial "Hmmmm... that's interesting" I found myself going to the book store and the first level of research would begin with one of the Dummies books.

They are a great source of general information. You may not learn every little detail about a subject, but you'll learn a very good, general overview of the subject. The authors are always very conversational, but never talk down to the reader. They do treat the topic as if you don't know anything about it to start, but they also say that (in most topics) you can skip around the book and not lose anything for not reading straight through.

The Dummies website even has online 'how-to' information like today's top topics, "How to Zest citrus fruit" and "How to play music on your iPod" These may sound simplistic and stupid, but I didn't know how to zest citrus and if my Mom were alive, she'd have watched that iPod video about 5 times before she tried it. (Never was one to just dive in, she actually read the owner's manuals.... go figure)

So if you're curious about something, go look into the Dummies books. While I'm no expert, I can safely say I know far more about Investing, Creating a Business Plan, Starting a Not-for-Profit organization, Judaism, Law School, the LSAT and Writing a Novel than I did before I admitted that Yeah, I'm a Dummy.

3 Monkey Stories

2009-06-24T11:07:00.005-05:00

Kids say the darnedest things....

Once I was finished with college (the first time) it was about the time that many of my friends were getting married and having their first children. It was also the age where you're responsible... but still young enough to be goofy and get away with it. When the time would come and my friend's kids were being shown around I used to get a kick out of taking those that were just on the verge of saying their first words and all I would say to them was "monkeybutt" It became a running joke with my friends. Until one time it took....

I got a call from one friend who, let's be truthful, all the guys were afraid of her because she was no nonsense. Even though the names are changed to protect the innocent (me) the call went like this:

"Hello?"
"Chris, this is Susan"
"Hey! How are..."
"Shut up" she said cutting me off, "I wanted to call you and let you know David just said his first word. I wanted YOU to know what his first word was because I am coming over so I can hear your LAST word... and it better fucking not be MONKEYBUTT!"

I don't know at what point she actually hung up because I could never have heard the click of the line for my guffawing out loud! Sadly I've only ever seen pictures of David and his younger brother. I'd like to think that it's because of distance and time that puts friends in different locations, but still in each other's hearts. However I have a distinct feeling that Susan doesn't want me around until all her offspring have uttered their first words....

A Scientific Breakthrough

With the exception of my brother, everyone in my immediate family was in Health care. I remember growing up with my parents talking medicine at the dinner table. Then my sister joined the fray discussing blood, urine and stool at the table like it was as common as the recipe for the casserole we were eating. My brother and I would just hunker down and eat hoping to get through dinner before color and consistency became more graphic than it already was.

When I announced I was heading into nursing my brother threw up his hands "You were my last hold out! Will I be able to eat with you all anymore?"

Once in the early to mid 90's I lived in Charleston, SC and it was the period where they were finally starting to make big steps forward in HIV/AIDS research. It was found that a certain species of baboon was immune to the HIV virus. I was home in Clemson visiting my mother and we were discussing the physiological aspects of HIV and how this type of monkey could be immune. Perhaps it was the hemoglobin that was different from ours, perhaps they had a natural immunity much like dogs have in their saliva that allows them to eat... anything. It was then, in the middle of this educated, scientific discussion that my mom offered this hypothesis:

I think I know why they can't get HIV... their butts are just so ugly!

It took me a minute to actually get that she'd just made a funny gay joke. It was that moment that I remembered forever and was useful in a discussion of ours much later... but we weren't curing HIV then.

Only in the animal kingdom....

This isn't so much a story as it is a video I found from a friend on Facebook. Lucky Monkey... 3

Thursday Cheeeeez!

2009-06-18T12:23:00.001-05:00

As a possible lead in to a new Fiesty Friday.... I ran across this video today. Been one of those days where I'm just getting pissed off left and right so cheese and a catchy slogan can keep me going.

This is a shout out for Lea in SC....

I feel like someone has Hucka'd my Bejeepers

2009-06-16T13:37:00.004-05:00

Wha wha WHAT????

you may ask in your best Sheila Broflovski voice from South Park. But if you know me you know that the tracks of my train of thought from one topic to another can look as convoluted as a capillary diagram of the brain or Dubya Bush's plan for the War on Terrorism.

I still read my favorite blogs nearly every day, but since my anniversary post on June 3 I've just not had time or creative umphda to post. So you're still wondering about where the hell, or how in the hell I came up with saying someone's Hucka'd my Bejeepers. I think at least one of my tens of fans will catch the connection.

1. I was looking at my calendar sighing over how half of June is gone already and I've been going 100mph since day one.
2. I saw that the rest of June is just as bad and only getting worse.
3. June is just Busting at the seams with stuff and I'm anxious about catching up
4. June is busting out all over! (showtune or iconic movie references always make for a good thought tangent)
5. June, June... JOOOOOAAANNNNN
6. "and they Hucka the Bejeepers"

And with that 6-step track change I landed back in one of my favorite blog posts from Are You There Blog? It's Me, Stephen.

Some things I could watch a million times and they'd still make me laugh on the worst of days. So I hope Ms. Uggams doesn't get the words right any time soon.

And if you know me... especially recently... you know that a new way of finding a laugh when most needed is the "Texts From Last Night" website. Today's favorite

(815): I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low

(addition post-blog production)
Talking about Texts From Last Night made me think of a certain time texting came back to haunt... someone we all know and love when he texted someone just at the time when the Apple store employee powered up the customer's iPhone:

Happy Anniversary To Me!

2009-06-03T14:45:00.003-05:00

Today is my 9th anniversary of moving to Chicago!

At that time I made the mistake of thinking you could just walk up to Chicago and find an apartment. That may be so if you're looking in the $2,000 per month range, but not for me.
And while I'd love to post a nice long blog about my time (which I will soon) I can't as I'm scurrying around getting ready for a conference that begins Friday. So let me offer this little amusing piece.

This shows that while I'm happy and proud to have grown up in South Carolina, I think I'll make sure that I don't die in South Carolina. This is from The Red Eye today:

6'7" - Tall Order
The South Carolina funeral board has revoked the licenses of a funeral home and its director for cutting the legs of a 6 foot 7 man so his corpse would fit in a casket.

Good thing he didn't die with a stiffy huh??

Even God gets annoyed with you!!!

2009-06-02T16:41:00.004-05:00

I received a text from Just Kevin last night asking if I'd sworn off blogging these days. You know Just Kevin... his last blog was May 10.... (kidding JK)

It's been an odd past 2 months. The economy (and I detest that word now) has made my work life overtly stressful as most of my conference attendees are government employees of some level and when the economy goes in the crapper, travel is the first thing cut so I'm on the run trying to either fill hotel space or get rid of it. In both cases it would be easier for me to get George Dubya to have sex with Palin and then get an abortion. But I digress.

So aside from constantly running the "UP" preview in my head SQUIRREL!............. Hi there...

I try to find something to make me laugh until the economy turns around. Thanks to Troy from LACVB for sending this jewel this morning.

I just can't HELP MYSELF!!!

2009-05-19T13:30:00.002-05:00

Texts From Last Night.

let me shorten that

Word Cocaine

I can't get enough and I can't stop reading it once I start. I've had to start clamping my hand over my mouth so I won't laugh out loud and clue in the rest of the office that I'm SO not working.

My favorites today:

(240): Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.

(540): I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.

(561): I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..

and finally because, with the exception of Ferngully, kindof reminds me of myself and some movies and moods I'm in when in a couch movie marathon:

(515): Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
(712): Oh God
(515): I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship

Updatepalooza!

2009-05-19T08:18:00.005-05:00

I've been blog-absent a lot. I'm here, I'm reading, but with work so hectic and my laptop at home refusing to work for me, I've been a bit limited. But I'm here and hope to be back on my game soon.

Couple of things for you:

So Long Elle!

Looks as if the closest I'll be getting to law school is watching Legally Blonde the musical. That is if I ever choose to go see it. I had mentioned before that I was going to research law school and I've done just that. I'm not passing on it because I don't think I can; I'm passing on it because I don't want to go through all that at this point in my life. It's a LOT of hard work, incessant reading, and a lot of bullcrap.... and that's just taking the test and applying to law schools. Even after school it's a LOT of work. I could definitely see aspects of the career that I would like, but after interviewing people, reading about the options and giving it a lot of thought, I've decided not to pursue it. But at least I can say I did!

An Awful Waste of Space

Galactic Center of Milky Way Rises over Texas Star Party from William Castleman on Vimeo.

This is from Neatorama. It's a time lapse of the sky over Texas back in April. I'm not one of those fanatics who think we're being abducted by aliens hell-bent on probing us in their ships, but I just have to believe that in this infinite universe there has to be life elsewhere. We may never know, we may not ever be contacted, but they're out there. In Carl Sagan's 'Contact' Jodie Foster sums it up well with some pretty basic logic:

I'll tell you one thing about the universe, though. The universe is a pretty big place. It's bigger than anything anyone has ever dreamed of before. So if it's just us... seems like an awful waste of space. Right?

...just a full length TV show...

2009-05-11T12:14:00.005-05:00

This weekend was one I've long waited for since the announcement of the new Star Trek movie.

I even planned on taking Friday, May 8 off of work, but it didn't work out like I'd planned. I was off work, but I was out sick. Damn that Swine Flu (Swine being me being PIG and Flu being the stomach bug that was in whatever it was I ate that I shouldn't have - but to be honest, I do NOT have Swine Flu... relax)

Given that everyone who knows me directly was expecting me to see this movie, several people were sending me emails and texts asking my take on it. One such text was from Just Kevin who said

"...reviews say it's just a full length TV show... your thoughts?"

Of course it is, I said, all the Star Trek movies have been just that. All movies that come from television are essentially longer versions of the original. Look at Sex in the City. Good movie, but just a loooooooooooooooooooooooooong episode of the original.

It was Sunday before I felt well enough to get up and going and confident enough to leave my apartment and the comfortable 90 foot radius from my bathroom (yeah, that kind of sick). But I needed to boldly go and see this movie.

I found out I needed to correct my statement of agreeing that they are all just full length TV shows inside the first 20 minutes of the movie. To (loosely) quote RadioPeter, This wasn't a Star Trek movie, this was a Star Trek FILM. Is it going to win an Oscar? Doubt it seriously. Did it leave pretty much every other Trek film and (sorry, have to say it) Star Wars film in the dust? Yep!

The new cast did, I believe, a great job of portraying their characters without making a caricature of the original actor. I was very surprised with Jon Cho's Ensign Sulu. Jon has been in the Harold & Kumar movies so it was hard to imagine going from sophomoric stupidity to portraying someone we've known since the 60's. Good job Jon.

While all the attention seems to be on Chris Pine's portrayal of James T. Kirk, I think the true portrayal award should go to Zachary Quinto and his portrayal of Spock. Without giving away the movie, let's just say there's a bit of an alternate timeline set in motion from what we've known to date (public knowledge) and let's say that this time a younger Spock has to deal with something that the enormity and finality of didn't fully take hold in my own mind until later in the movie.

I heard a voicemail from Girlsib as I was heading home from the movie. She'd seen it on Saturday and said "I hadn't seen a perfect movie since Lord of the Rings" I couldn't agree more.

I'll be stepping on board the Enterprise again soon so I can enjoy the experience again and see what I may have missed. This time a small soda will do and I won't miss that tiny bit I missed as I ran like a madman out of the theater in search of the men's room.

My new favorite Blog

2009-05-01T14:34:00.004-05:00

Can I just say....

OH
MY
GOD

TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT

This is the funniest thing I've ever seen and I've wasted about 45 minutes on it because I can't stop! It's more addictive than crack! (so I've heard)

Please, sit back, take a while, grab the kleenex and read.... COMEDY GOLD!!!

Feisty Friday - Part 1

2009-05-01T08:22:00.002-05:00

This was waiting in my mailbox. Thanks to my last name doppleganger for causing me to do a spit take with a pop-tart. More FeiFri to come....

For my HIGHER level meetings

2009-04-30T11:16:00.001-05:00

I was sent this by my Los Angeles rep as a joke. Could it be real??

Helping out

2009-04-28T09:52:00.003-05:00

I found this over at Neatorama. How cute! I used to live sitting on the benches around Clemson University watching the squirrel society going about their business. They're a hoot of a species! I actually have a nephew Ozzie who is the best squirrel around! (if you didn't know, there are no human nieces/nephews in the ProjectChristopher family.)

Sign of God's Existence

2009-04-27T14:31:00.004-05:00

I was on a sight visit to St. Louis this weekend and I found a sure sign that God exists and that he enjoys making us enjoy life. This sign was in the form of Switzer's Chewy Cherry Twists. I have an ongoing debate with Just Kevin about licorice. I favor Twizzlers while he favors the candlewax creation that are RedVines.

However, I think we've found a debate ender with Switzer's. I'm thankful that I can get these online! Now I'm going to order some Cheerwine and Switzer's and have me a bad food weekend!

Has anyone else tried Switzer's as they seem to be only in the St. Louis area.

A Sad Fiesty Friday

2009-04-24T08:10:00.013-05:00

I received an email this morning from a friend in St. Pete Florida (Thanks Jose!) that was a little shocking, yet a little refreshing. The subject line was "From Hot to Not" It's shocking to see the beautiful people in their current state, but a little refreshing too. Refreshing not because the mighty have fallen, but refreshing in... I started and live in the "not" state so I have no backlash!

Sorry guys, welcome to my world

Ian Thorpe

Val Kilmer
(and no, Val, the hair is NOT helping)

Mickey Rourke
(again... the hair AND the facial hair aren't helping)

Brendan Fraser

Russel Crowe
(is that what happens when you get hit BACK with the phone?)

Alec Baldwin
(yeah..... that's just letting go with gusto)

Richard Gere
(is that phone ringing now?)

Roger Moore
(he was working on some MT's back then too)

Arnold Schwarzenegger
(They say if you don't work out the muscle turns to..... but damn)

Pierce Brosnan
(did he dye the torso hair too?)

Clint Eastwood
(Are ya feelin flabby? Well? Are ya Punk?)

Rod Stewart
(wrong then, ultra wrong now)

A fun Feisty Friday

2009-04-17T09:48:00.004-05:00

It's been a while since I Feisty-d but with the weather being so good (and I've been too busy to properly prepare for the usual) I can't gather the drive to be too uber Feisty. So today is Fun Feisty!

On my quick trip around my blog post I found this over at Neatorama.

Make Yourself an NPR Name

Liana Maeby is a blogger who’s fascinated by the complex and memorable names of the correspondents on National Public Radio: Renee Montagne, Korva Coleman, Lakshmi Singh, Sylvia Poggioli, Corey Flintoff. How cool would it be to have a name like that?
Liana and her boyfriend Eric decided to try it out by devising a formula for creating their own custom-designed NPR names. The rules are simple; here’s how it works:

"You take your middle initial and insert it somewhere into your first name. Then you add on the smallest foreign town you’ve ever visited."

So Liana is now Liarna Kassel, and Eric is Jeric Bath.

I thought it would be fun to see what people came up with. So play along with NPR's Charis Oberammergau (me) and let me know by way of comments what YOUR NPR name would be.

Someone HAD to see this before it was put up

2009-04-16T13:11:00.003-05:00

I've blatantly borrowed this from More Cool Pictures but I couldn't resist.

Too bad Lisa's husband's name is Tom.

A Carolina Thing......

2009-04-10T09:19:00.006-05:00

I've been on-site at a conference this week in "Sunny" Sacramento California, where it has been sunny, in the 80's but also rained (they needed it) and sleeted for 30 minutes (they blamed it on me...the guy from Chicago). I've been working on the follow up ER blog but I need to sit uninterrupted to finish it properly. So until then, I'm taking a step off topic, but it's related. My health care career took place in South Carolina so a couple of topics have come up this week related to the Carolinas so I wanted to touch on them as well.

Before my fellow orange-blooded Clemson brethren start sharpening their fangs from the image below, bear with me. This week the University of North Carolina Tarheels won the NCAA Men's Basketball Championship.

Yeah, I'm from Clemson; I went to Clemson (twice) but my mom was SO for UNC this song was often echoing through our house

I'm a Tar Heel born, I'm a Tar Heel bred.
And when I die, I'm a Tar Heel dead.
So it's rah-rah, Car'lina-'lina!
Rah-rah, Car'lina-'lina!
Rah-rah, Car'lina-Rah, rah, rah!

So in honor of Miss Patsy, Congrats UNC! You made the Carolinas proud. If it wasn't Clemson, at least it was one of the Carolina teams.

Now that I've paid homage to my mom, let me give you the Clemson Tiger Band version of the Tarheel fight song from the Tiger Band Unhymnal:

You're Tar Heel born, and you're Tar Heel bred
And when you die you're Tar Heel dead
So Piss on Car'lina - 'lina
Piss on Car'lina - 'lina
Piss on Car'lina ' 'lina
Eat Shit State (NCState)
Wake Forrest Suuuuuuuuuucks....... DUKE!

The other Carolina thought this week was a craving I've been having all week for the soft drink Cheerwine. Some readers may not have ever heard of this (Bunny - go find it and give it a try) but it's a drink that seems to be, as the ad says, a Carolina thing;

Cheerwine was never my favorite. It was often a drink I would see and if the urge hit me, I'd get one. It was one of those tastes I like to have as a treat vs. a standard. (if it's wasn't offered at McDonald's when I was growing up, it couldn't become a standard) But after my years of being out of South Carolina, it's been quite a while since I've had a Cheerwine... and I miss it.

So let's raise our cans of Cheerwine in a toast to UNC's victory! I'm on the other side of the country this week, but I've been reminded of the Carolinas often. See Ya'll Soon!

Saying goodbye to the ER.... again

2009-04-05T12:26:00.005-05:00

(Sit Back - Long post ahead - beware, though, I talk of ER and death)
Last Thursday was the final episode of ER after a 15 year long run on TV. I was there for the pilot episode and, despite a couple of years missing, I was there for the final episode.

I hadn't really watched ER for a while, but watching the final episode was like coming back home although a few new family members had moved in.

If you've watched the series over the years, you know the people and the story lines. But I think, as I watched the special 'look back' show and the final episode, my health care career was a bit like Noah Wylie's "Dr. Carter".

If you didn't know, before I was a convention planner, I was in Emergency Room Nursing. My path the the ER took a few different steps out of the ordinary (like my entire life) but it was funny to see the evolution of Dr. Carter in one evening made me see the similarity but also made me very nostalgic for my hospital days. My journey started stumbling and a few "oops" moments in the line of trying to do the right thing.

I started my health care career in Cardiology performing EKG's. It was a job at the hospital I grew up in. One of my first patients in the ER was Miss Daisy Dean Cleveland. She was my first grade teacher and a deeply religious woman. She would be the stereotypical 'Old School Marm' you read about in history. Here I was, in my early twenties, and I'm placing electrodes around this woman's breasts. I was professional, of course, but I could feel my face flaming so hot you could have melted smores on my face. She recognized my embarrassment and talked to me about how proud she was to see one of her students helping people and tried to ease my embarrassment.

After crossing over to the Emergency Room I saw and experienced things John Q. Public only sees on TV. H0wever, believe me, it's nothing like seeing it first hand. I've seen more death in 10 years than I've ever needed to see. After a while you build up a shield to protect yourself. You still care, don't get me wrong, but imagine how you'd feel if you didn't have that callous protection. I didn't realize I needed that protection until I saw the death that still haunts me.

A family was in a car wreck. Parents and 2 children. The youngest daughter was 5 years old. She was one of those patients that far more injured on the inside than the outside. She didn't have any visible blood, but everything inside was broken, and she essentially passed as we moved her onto the ER bed. Her eyes were moving as if she were looking for someone. Her last word "Mommy?" is in my ears all these 22 years later.

I was always very careful with patients when they passed. Some staff become what I consider rough with the deceased since they could not feel. But all I could think of was "Would I want my mom handled that way when she passes?"

When a person is considered dead, or past the point of any help, you can often still find a heartbeat especially if they're hooked up to the heart monitors. We may state a 'time of death' but if the heart was still beating, I felt that the person was, or could still be, still with us. I sometimes would stay with the person, hold their hand, or simply just be there with them until the very end.

With all the barriers and protections I put up in my mind, it was still hard every time someone was lost. However, often times these bad instances were (thankfully) balanced by the positive outcomes. Fore every death, there were more saves. There were also some of the funniest stories I've retold and put into my comedy act. Tune in for another blog post to get some of the funny parts of ER life. :)

A Boost of Courage

2009-04-01T10:39:00.005-05:00

I've been a little absent lately as I've been all but overwhelmed with preparing for a conference next week. Now I'm in that "between stage" of conference planning that can be compared to the following analogy:

- I've been wrangling information, preparing speakers, sponsors, vendors and generally calming the masses who don't do what I do for a living so are understandably worried and on pins and needles. This equals a lot of stress

This is the standing in the long winding line waiting for the roller coaster

- I've sent in all the meeting information, food & beverage orders, printing to be done to the proper people and they've acknowledged that they understand what I've committed to and how I want it.

This is boarding the roller coaster, leaving the excitement/stress of the line behind knowing you did what you could do to get on the roller coaster.

- Now all I can do is continue this week to watch out for the stray details and get on site at the conference and manage the controlled chaos that may come but make it look effortless to the attendees.

This is riding the roller coaster. It can be scary, you may want to scream but all you can do is hold on for the ride. It's a new stress, but it's not the preparation stress.

So, with the big stress for this particular conference over, and prepping for the coaster ride, along with the fact that LSATs are in 2 months, I felt I needed some positive reading.

I went on a fam trip to Fort Worth, Texas back in May and stayed at the Ft. Worth Hilton where John F. Kennedy stayed and gave a speech just before starting that fateful motorcade trip that would change history.

While there, I was given the book "Profiles in Courage" written by Kennedy himself. This particular book was the 50th Anniversary edition (50 YEARS! Can you believe it?) which had an introduction by Caroline Kennedy. I was particularly moved by a passage where Caroline quotes a speech by her father when he was staunchly supporting integration in the 60's:

"We are confronted primarily with a moral issue. It is as old as the Scriptures and is as clear as the American Constitution. The heart of the question is whether all Americans are to be afforded equal rights and equal opportunities, whether we are going to treat our fellow Americans as we want to be treated. If an American, because his skin is dark, cannot eat lunch in a restaurant open to the public, if he cannot send his children to the best public school available, if he cannot vote for the public officials who represent him, if, in short, he cannot enjoy the full and free life which all of us want, then who among us would be content to have the color of his skin changed and stand in his place? Who among us would then be content with the counsels of patience and delay?" - John F. Kennedy, 1963

I read this and had a flurry of thoughts. May fights for civil rights have been likened to the African American civil rights movement. Some agree and some take offense to that. However, there are still people today not getting their equal rights that are due by the government. Some people pay taxes (a lot sometimes) to a government that does not afford them the same rights as the rest of the country.

Kennedy's speech above is as relevant today as when he said it 4o+ years ago. While some aspects have changed, you can still take out the references to color and insert another minority. Back in the 60's it was generally socially acceptable to be bigoted toward blacks. That's not the case today. It happens, don't get me wrong, but it is not socially acceptable. However, there is a minority that is still fair game in society to be the target of jokes, insults and injury.

I hope that in years to come the plight of this minority, when applied to Kennedy's speech, finds their troubles so far beyond the point they are today that a history making speech like Kennedy's will be a needed thing of the past.

Art from Up Here

2009-03-24T10:59:00.005-05:00

This weekend I had the pleasure of meeting Derek Nunn from San Francisco. He was in town to help celebrate a mutual friends 39th (aka 50th) birthday.

Derek is an artist who also happens to be Deaf, and just a couple inches shorter than me. After we met he gave me his card so I could visit his website to see some of his artwork.

Like wine, I have my own appreciation for art, but could never claim to be fully educated in art appreciation. But like wine, appreciation is subjective and I like what I like.

The image on you see here is something I like. Sorry, I take that back. I love this piece. Anyone who knows me knows that the blues catch my eye instantly! This piece is 4' x 4' and would be perfect for my (soon to be) new faux-designed apartment. My birthday just passed, but in the ProjectChristopher family it's well known that as long as you give a present before the next birthday, it's all good!

I invite you to take a look through Derek's website. His work is great with such a variety of size, texture and feelings. Like Matt Lew, it's nice to know artists personally. Their work takes on a different feel when you have a friend connection as well as an aesthetic one.

Ode to Spring!

2009-03-20T12:49:00.003-05:00

In honor of the First Day of Spring

And knowing that it is only a day on the calendar where Chicago weather is concerned

I offer this from one of the BEST comic strips of all time. If you don't get this, then you've never been in -5 degree or less weather and felt the need to make that face yourself!

This would be my luck...

2009-03-19T12:41:00.001-05:00

If you know me, you know my curiosity and how badly it can get the best of me sometimes.

Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | More Video Clips

Baaa Ram Ewwe!

2009-03-19T08:41:00.002-05:00

A true time killer is over at Neatorama. Posts from anywhere, everywhere and you can get pulled in to reading for a long long time. But it's just as the name says! Neatorama!

"Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her, she was a sister who really cooked!"

2009-03-18T11:32:00.004-05:00

I'm up to my shoulders in planning a conference and I'm dealing with a caterer who has the audacity to demand things of me... Thank goodness we were on the phone and she couldn't see me giving her this look:

I commented to a coworker about this lady and said "Who does she think she is? Maude?" My coworker started humming the tune trying to remember the words so you know I was compelled to go find it.

Blast from your past baby! And even a scene with Rue McClanahan

Happy St. Pats!

2009-03-17T12:53:00.003-05:00

As I found this hilarious clip to commemorate St. Pats, I thought I'd blog it to share. As I was pulling up my own blog I saw Mr. Stephen of "Are you there blog..." had already put it up.

Well Hell....

It's funny enough to share around! (and MINE has a festive holiday-themed border... so THERE Stephen!)

Double wishes, Happy St. Pats and Happy Birthday to Boysib (brother)

Um.... NO

2009-03-12T09:35:00.004-05:00

I missed last weeks' Feisty Friday so I don't mind making it a day early this week.

First we lose Comiskey Field when US Cellular buys naming rights to the White Sox stadium.

Then we lose a major Chicago icon when Macy's buys Marshall Fields. Yes, the store is still there, but a new name was more than just a new name.

NOW we have this little tidbit from Crain's:

Sears Tower to be renamed for new tenant

Sears Tower will become Willis Tower.

The insurance broker announced Thursday morning that it will move to the Sears Tower and that the building will be renamed Willis Tower.

London-based Willis Group Holdings said it will consolidate five local offices into more than 140,000 square feet in the 110-story building at 233 S. Wacker Drive. Almost 500 employees will move into the building, Willis said.

Willis said the space is costing the company $14.50 a square foot and that it is not paying extra for the naming rights.

“Having our name associated with Chicago’s most iconic structure underscores our commitment to this great city, and recognizes Chicago’s importance as a major financial hub and international business center,” Joseph J. Plumeri, chairman and CEO of Willis Group Holdings, said in a release. “We are delighted to be making this bold move and firmly establishing our leading presence in one of the nation’s biggest insurance markets, and it will be wonderful for all our associates to work under one roof.”

Willis currently has about 91,000 square feet in three downtown locations, according to real estate research firm CoStar Group Inc. The largest amount is about 42,000 square feet at 10 S. LaSalle St.

Offices in west suburban Oak Brook and Lombard also will be consolidated into the Sears Tower, Willis said. Willis expects to complete the move by late summer.

Two words for you Willis...

HELL NO!

I may not be a Chicago native, and I've only lived here for coming up on nine years. But in my eyes, mind and heart I'll only be talking about:

Comiskey Field
Marshall Fields
and I once worked for a client in the SEARS tower. Thank you very f'ing much!

The weirdest way to start the day....

2009-03-05T10:43:00.002-06:00

I was jumped by Mr. Flu this week. I got something to help me sleep which had (I didn't know at the time) Ambien in it. I'd heard various odd stories in the past about Ambien, but they were more anecdotal.

Last night I did my normal bedtime routine. Got in bed, turned on the TV (Law & Order... rerun) and set the sleep timer for an hour. I watched for a few minutes then rolled over as usual and whoosh! I'm off to sleep until my alarm will go off at 5:30 in the morning.

THIS morning, however, at 8:30am, I wake up when something is blown off the table and hits me in the face since I'm now laying on the floor in my dining area on top of a couple of quilts that are not spread out, they're just dumped there, every light in my apartment is on, my refrigerator door is wide open, the DVD drawer under my TV is pulled out and my alarm is going off in my bedroom as it has been since 5:30am.

First I was scared thinking "where the hell am I?"

Then I was scared thinking "How the hell did I get here?!?"

It was a good hour or so after I got up and going that the total discombobulation feeling started to leave me.

I'm done. I don't want that feeling anymore.

Couldn't I have at least cleaned the house while I was up??

This might be a cool office....

2009-03-03T10:00:00.001-06:00

unless it was in Chicago and it was winter.....

(GASP!) - I object!

2009-03-02T09:22:00.002-06:00

I've had this niggling idea for years and years. Something I thought about doing, but as with anything that's a challenge in my life, I've discounted myself right out of it. I'm not smart enough, I'm not good looking enough, I'm not healthy enough, I'm too lazy, etc etc etc.

I know, don't lecture.

But last year when I joined the AIDS Marathon Training Program things changed. Yes, I went in thinking "I'll never be able to do it." Our first 3 mile run was going to be a wash. I knew I could never run 3 miles without stopping much less 1 mile. When I finished that first 3 mile run and hadn't stopped, the impact of that hit me like a ton of bricks and I got a little emotional.... and mad.

Mad at myself wondering how many things I'd held myself back on because I didn't think myself good enough.

Well, that niggling idea has been coming back to me over the past month or so and I have decided to at least investigate the idea until someone outside of myself stops me. What's this niggling idea? Law School.

So I'm going to look into it, at the very least take the LSAT and maybe I can submit a video essay like the one below... although I'm not going to Harvard

Random Thoughts for Wednesday

2009-02-25T06:38:00.005-06:00

LENT
It's Ash Wednesday. Time to spot the good(ish) Catholics. While I'm not Catholic, I do give up something(s) for Lent. They say you shouldn't give up things that meet a selfish need, and I can see where they're coming from, but usually what you would give up for that selfish need is something that's hard to give up. In the past I've given up a few things that, while may have been to help me meet a personal goal, it truly was a test of my will to give it up in this symbolic time. Such trials included giving up:
- Chocolate - the first year I ever got carrot cake for my birthday
- Emotional outbursts (yeah... that was a LOOONG ass 40 days)
- McDonald's - not so hard now, but back in SC where I had a car... torture!

But this year I'm giving up something physical (something you can touch) and something non-physical (something you can't touch) Chocolate (again) and excuses to get up and work out. You can see the "selfish need" in there and how I may be using Lent as a means to do what my will power usually cannot. But that's me and how I roll.

From my heaviest weight of 350 I've lost over 100 pounds. People ask me how I did it and if I think they can handle the answer (aka, won't tag me as a psycho) I'll tell, but I may preface it with "but this isn't for you". How did I? Shame. Guilt. When I was going to eat this bad thing, or laze away that day, I'd remind myself what I looked like and blah blah blah... getting away from the point of the Lent post. What I'm getting at is, if I'm doing alone with only my internal voice to keep me back, it may or may not work. But if my internal voice has Lent and God behind it scratching his index fingers at me like he's starting a fire... then you can bet chocolate won't pass these lips and I'll be pulling myself out of bed early (like today) for at least the next 40 days. :)

An Idle Mind
Anyone who knows me well can testify that my train of thought is usually surrounded by those little switches that will change tracks repeatedly. Not to say I can't concentrate, but it's like playing 6 degrees of separation with thought topics. We're talking about Lent, and in just a few track changes I'll come up with the time I was nearly charged by a rutting moose in Banff, Canada.
Anyway, if I'm on my morning commute, I'm usually nose deep in a book and don't notice what's going on around me. If for some reason I didn't notice that I was nearly done with a book (which can happen when a book has like 50 blank white pages at the back... what's up with that? Call Al Gore!) I'll spend part of the commute with nothing to do but look out blankly at the scenery passing and having the train of thought express jumping tracks left and right.

Have you ever seen that Robert Downey, Jr. movie Heart and Souls? (told you... keep up with me)
If you haven't, you should. It's a cute movie and I love Alfre Woodard. The premise is that 4 people. (Alfre Woodard, Kyra Sedgewick, Charles Grodin, and Tom Sizemore) are killed in a bus wreck before their time. Their souls are "attached" to a newborn child who's born at the same time they die. They're attached to him so that they can use him in completing what would have made their life complete had they not died. Unfortunately they didn't get the memo from Heaven about this reason so they exist in a 10 foot radius around this child as he grows up. Soon they realize that they're being there is causing the kid to look bonkers to his parents and society and decide to disappear on him (as childhood imaginary friends are wont to do). The kid grows up into an ass played by Robert Downey, Jr., the ghosts get wind of what they're supposed to do and the hilarity ensues. Good movie, available at Netflix, go get it.
Anyway, all of this to say... during these times where I'm sitting on the bus with nothing to do, sometimes this movie pops in my head and as I look around I wonder if I'd get along with my fellow bus riders if the same were to happen to us. This morning, since I was so early, there were only a small handful of people on the bus with me. Everyone seemed perfectly normal... except for one guy. He just had that look that makes you say... freakshow. Anyway, once he got off the bus I thought "OK, we can wreck now... he's not a concern for post-death-10 ft radius existence"

Work & Obama
I'm really tired of this economy. Who isn't? I watched the Obama speech in it's entirety last night. While I've worked for political causes before, I've never considered myself a political person. Last night was the first presidential speech I've EVER watched. For the past eight years I just couldn't stand listening to the man's voice much less what utter bullshit (or udder bullshit hee hee) he was spewing. In one speech, however, the eloquence and presence of Obama outshone the idiocy of the last 8 years.

What I want now is a bail out plan for conferences and my contracts that were signed during better times that I'm having to shuck-n-jive my way through negotiations on because I know my government employee members/attendees will not be able to attend.

"We will rebuild, we will recover, and the United States of America will emerge stronger than before.”

WOOHOO! That's GREAT! Now, can we do that by the end of March so my big conference in April won't tank?

Oh yeah...

2009-02-24T09:54:00.002-06:00

A big old "I told you so!"

See my posting about this back in December

Sean Penn kicked some serious booty!

My thoughts on the other Best Actor noms:

Richard Jenkins: The Visitor
I watched this movie on Sunday. It is actually a great movie. But he mostly just stands there looking lost. I can do that! I'm doing it now... see? Then he yells at a correctional officer at a detainee site while the officer looks at him like he's mentally cataloging his Tupac Shakur collection. I can do that on a CTA platform. I like Richard Jenkins, but this was not an Oscar worthy performance.

Frank Langella: FROST/NIXON
I haven't seen this movie, but based on the previews, I think he may have done quite a good job. I like Frank after seeing him in the movie Dave. He played a bad guy, but he did it well.

Brad Pitt: Blah Blah Blah Benjamin Button
WhatEVER! I loved that Hugh Jackman made a joke that he was contractually obligated to mention Brad & Angie (aka, the babymakers) 5 times during the broadcast. Sorry Brad, you're a handsome man but the sun does not rise and set on your ass.

Mickey Rourke: The Wrestler
Who? What? All I saw was some silver tooth and Marisa Tomei sitting very uncomfortably beside it. Your 15 minutes was up 15 years ago.

Old Habits Die Hard!

2009-02-24T08:47:00.002-06:00

I've read before that your musical tastes in life are largely influenced by your high school and college years. If that is the case, I'm stuck with 80's music forever since I began my high school in fall of '80 and finished my first round of college in '89.
Since so many memories are tied to music and my music realm is the 80's, I guess it's only natural that many 80's music memories come back to my best friend from high school Lea in SC.
This memory connection is so strong that I can send her an email with a fraction of a lyric and she'll write back with the exact memory. Sometimes that connection can have an unwanted effect, but that's a story best told in person.

With that memory connection came today's little 80's "reflex" (pun-intended). Below is the email I sent to Lea in SC right after my little knee jerk reaction and the laughing fit at myself the followed:

The Reflex just came on my iPod list and I'm working away on a schedule spreadsheet and even though I'm typing away, after the music bridge where Simon comes back in singing "Why yi yi yi yi yi don't you use it" with the accented percussion and my right hand flies off the keyboard, up in the air, grabbing my imaginary drum stick and hits the imaginary drum (that's oddly suspended at head level to my right) with each accented "yi". do you still do that even subconsciously??

For those of you who have eschewed the 80's or dislike Duran Duran for whatever reason (hair, bubblegum pop, etc) the video for this song is below and the point in question is around 3min31sec in the video. I have a feeling, however, that many of you know what I'm talking about. Admit it....

Because I can!

2009-02-19T12:45:00.002-06:00

It's my birthday and I don't want to think too seriously on anything so....

now a word from our sponsor

2009-02-18T07:27:00.002-06:00

I'm going to be offline for a bit. I'll be back. Thanks for the laughs and giggles!

Feisty Friday!

2009-02-13T12:29:00.004-06:00

So given today is Friday the 13th and a day that I've been dreading all week because of work reasons, I kept thinking I shouldn't do Feisty Friday because I don't want to piss off the Karma Planners. But then I thought they MUST have their hands full planning the comeuppance of George Bush and maybe they'll miss me being Mean-n-Feisty and I'll make it through the last 4 hours of my work day relatively safe.

SO... HERE GOES

Stereotypes can be unfair. But stereotypes have their beginnings in some form of truth.

If I start dancing to a song with a beat, I'll be the first to say "Watch out! White Boy Dancing!"

So it came as no surprise that this little news clip brought two stereotypes together:

SEOUL (AFP) – A dogged South Korean grandmother has failed her driving test 771 times, police said Thursday, but a local newspaper reported she will keep trying.

The 68-year-old, identified only by her last name Cha, has taken the test almost every working day since 2005 in the southwestern city of Jeonju. She failed again Monday for the 771st time.

"It was a record-breaking number here," Choi Yong-Cheol, a police sergeant supervising the test in the city's Deokjingu district, told AFP.

"I wonder if she will try it again for a 772nd time."

The Korea Times said Cha will in fact be back for another attempt.

Choi said that Cha cannot pass the preliminary written section of the test, averaging scores of 30-50 whereas the pass mark is 60 out of 100.

Local media said that Cha sells food and household items door to door at apartment complexes, carrying the items in a handcart, but wants to get a car for her business.

Police estimate she has spent almost five million won (3,600 dollars) to take the written test, with each test costing 6,000 won in addition to other expenses.

"I feel sorry every time I see Cha fail. When she passes, I'll make a commemorative tablet myself and give it to her," one officer was quoted as saying"

She's old

AND

she's Asian.

Of COURSE she's going to fail her driving test!

(Disclaimer.... yes, I know, it's mean. But it's a joke. There are plenty of elderly and Asian drivers who far surpass my own driving skills. But hey, there are also white guys who can dance so as long as I'm being made fun of for looking like a bleached out Carlton, then dammit, you're gonna get targeted too!)

It's hump day

2009-02-11T13:33:00.002-06:00

I got nothin'

So i'll just leave you with this.....

I would have put that on the cat just for the fun of it and giggled my ass off...

My dream job....

2009-02-10T09:25:00.004-06:00

When asked what my dream job would be I could think of tons of answers, but my immediate answer is Travel Writer. It's no wonder, then, that I fell in love with Bill Bryson's books immediately. My first foray into Bill's world was with In a Sunburned Country about Australia. It wasn't until a few years later that I had the pleasure of listening to one of his books on CD. If you think his writing is funny, you should hear him read it in that almost deadpan voice of his. After hearing him read a book of his, you always hear his voice in the future.

Given that I hear his voice when reading his print, it's no wonder that I laughed out loud on the bus this morning when I read the following passage from Neither Here Nor There about his trips around Europe. He's found himself on a long transatlantic flight (back then it was hours and hours long) sitting next to a person who reminds me so much of where I grew up:

He spent most of the flight reading Holy Scripture, moving both sets of fingertips across each line of text as he read and voicing the words just loud enough for me to hear them as a fervent whisper in my right ear. I feared the worst. I don't know why religious zealots have this compulsion to try to convert everyone who passes before them - I don't go around trying to make them into St. Louis Cardinals fans, for crying out loud - and yet, they never fail to try.
Nowadays, when accosted I explain to them that anyone wearing white socks and Hush Puppies and a badge saying Hi! I'm Gus! probably couldn't talk me into getting out of a burning car, much less into making a lifelong commitment to a deity, and I ask them to send someone with a better dress sense next time. But back then I was too meek to do anything but listen politely and utter noncommittal "Hmmms" to their suggestions that Jesus could turn my life around. Somewhere over the Atlantic, as I was sitting taking stock of my two hundred cubic centimeters of person space, as one does on a long plane flight, I spied a coin under the seat in front of me, and with protracted difficulty leaned forward and snagged it. When I sat up, I saw my seatmate was at last looking at me with that ominous glow.
"Have you found Jesus?" he asked suddenly
"Uh, no, it's a quarter," I answered and quickly settled down and pretended for the next six hours to be asleep, ignoring his whispered entreaties to let Christ build a bunkhouse in my heart

If you've not read Bill Bryson, go get it. Just when you think you couldn't giggle at something, he'll show you how to.

Could resist this....

2009-02-09T11:17:00.000-06:00

M'eh Monday

2009-02-09T09:13:00.003-06:00

Monday's are usually a big blah. Everyone is getting over the weekend and can't get up and at 'em since sleeping late felt so good on Saturday & Sunday.

This weekend was great weather in Chicago. 90% of the snow is gone which is great, but the downside to that yearly experience came to visit again. If you don't live in a city, you may not know what "Curbing your Dog" means. Gross as it may sound to you, we do have to pick up after our dogs when they do the poopy-do. It seems there are a lot of Lincoln Park Trixie's who walk their dogs and when the snow is deep, seem to think that they don't have to pick up after. While the snow (or packed ice) is there, the secret of the Trixie's is safe. But then a nice weekend like this past one comes along and these little left behind prezzies come out for all of us to step on/in or hopscotch over.

I say this every year, and I'll keep saying it:

IF
I
EVER

see you not curbing your dog, I will pick up your dog's doo-doo and either smear it on your faux-but-fugly coat or if I'm too far away, I will chuck it at you and giggle my ass off.

No, the Mystery of the Trixie Poop Treasure is not really related to my M'eh Monday, but it was one of two things on my mind and the other is not ready to be published.

Fiesty Friday

2009-02-06T07:33:00.011-06:00

Today's Topic

Chrysler's PT Cruiser

This is the automotive bane of my existence. They came out when I lived in South Carolina so I'm sure that is where my initial impression of them came from. What is that impression?

Trailer park rednecks

Why? Because this is how the first one appeared to me

A new car... in the 90's.... and we go with wood paneling? Hello?!? Mike Brady wants his car back.

If you have one of these cars, more power to you. But I can't stand them. They're one step above this one in looks

(and she's workin' that fur while admiring her new 1975 car)

And as if the PT Cruiser weren't ugly enough, you KNOW that people with far too much perceived disposable income and no taste for what is necessary will start making modifications and sending out the following subliminal messages:

"I've got a small penis, but maybe from up here you can't tell"

"Poor White Trash kids go to Proms too!"

"Yes I've got a green card!"

"I'm short and can't afford a DeLorean but my vanity plate is 'SHRTMNCMPLX'"

I knew him when.....

2009-02-05T10:01:00.007-06:00

I love having creative friends. I TRULY love having creative friends that are rising in popularity and getting their creativity noticed. It is so fun watching their dreams come true!

One such friend is Matthew Lew. We met when he volunteered
his time and artwork as a live performance for an HRC gala dinner I produced years ago. At the time his work was heavy in blues, which I love, so I liked his work right away.

Since then his art and designs have captured the eye of the public. His work has been highlighted on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and he's also had his work produced for CB2!

Matt is one of those people who never seems to be without a smile and his friendliness shows through the flow of his work (IMHO).

That's not to say that Matt doesn't have a fun sense of humor as he can show it through his work as well! The piece below that prompted this bloghomage is a piece he has done specifically for the silent auction at the Equality Illinois Gala Dinner. If you know Joan and you've seen "Mommy Dearest" (or been to Sidetrack on show tune night) you know this piece and you know you WANT this piece!

Good Luck Matt! And don't forget the little people!

...and no, I will not be purchasing this.....

2009-02-04T14:47:00.007-06:00

But the fanboy in me thinks it's funny what companies WILL make!

MaleSib (my brother) sent me this news clip:

GenkiWear, LLC is developing a trio of fragrances celebrating classic Star Trek. "Tiberius," "Pon Farr" and

"Red Shirt" fragrances will be available in stores in the spring.

His musing was "If you wear "Red Shirt" does that mean you get killed in the first 15 minutes? After a laugh over that he wondered why they didn't have one and just name it "Kirk" to which I said

"They do, it's just called Old Spice."

They kind of are playing on the popularity of Kirk in the series though since "Tiberius" is the character's middle name. I would imagine they're trying to market the fragrance more along the lines of this Kirk

rather than this one:

Yesterday I was mad. Today....

2009-02-03T08:47:00.005-06:00

I just have a new mantra

I want to hit something, I want to hit it HARD!

2009-02-02T15:29:00.003-06:00

I'm so mad I don't know what to do!

No one has died, but because I am so mad I want to hit something, I can't help but think of this clip. So since I needed something to laugh at, here's a great scene.

I would love to have a TShirt that says "I slapped Weezer Budreau" Don't know if I'd give my eye teeth for it, but it would be funny!

PS. Why I'm mad isn't important, don't worry. Life's like that. It is what it is.

Non-Superbowl Post

2009-02-02T09:14:00.002-06:00

Seems that today is about last night. But not here.
I was tagged for this Meme on Facebook and it turned out funny (to me anyway) and I thought I'd share. I won't forward tag anyone on this in the blogosphere, but if you do it, even for fun, let me know the results.

Here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc.)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie about the songs (they can be funny if you just leave them)
7. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged.

1. What's my mood like right now?
Love Shack – B52’s

2. How's tomorrow going to be for me?
Hung Up - Madonna

3. What kind of person am I?
Jump – Madonna

4. Am I loved?
Wonder – Natalie Merchant

5. How can I achieve my highest potential?
Walk Away – Kelly Clarkson

6. What should I do with my life?
Beggarman – Gaelic Storm

7. Is everything really going to be alright in the end?
All You Wanted – Michelle Branch

8. What is my best quality?
Breathe – Michelle Branch

9. How does my social life look?
Gay Boyfriend - Hazzards

10. What's the meaning of life?
Just Between You & Me – dc Talk

11. What do people think of me?
Johnny Tarr – Gaelic Storm

12. How crazy am I
Thnks Fr Th Mmrs – Fall Out Boy

13. Where will I be a year from now?
Can’t Fight the Moonlight

14. What is my fondest wish?
Little Goodbyes - SheDaisy

15. How did my best friend and I meet?
I Heard a Rumour - Bananarama

16. What will I dream about tonight?
All For You – Sister Hazel

17. What should I be working on right now?
Since You’ve Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson

18. What's my mom up to currently?
Breakfast at Tiffany’s – Deep Blue Something (I like that one!)

19. What did I do last weekend?
Thank U – Alanis Morrissette

20. Describe me.
An Poc Ar Bulle – Gaelic Storm

21. What does my IPod say about me?
In Your Eyes – Peter Gabriel

Feisty Friday!

2009-01-30T08:37:00.002-06:00

If you know me, you know that my train of thought can jump tracks, or change tracks to a tangential idea at the drop of a hat. Chris, over at Slap & Tickle, posted about new Valentine treats from a company that I've loved for years called Despair, Inc. They take the fun pessimistic view of anything that comes along. They have a line of "De-Motivation" posters in response to those annoying motivational posters that came out a decade or so ago.

It made me remember the fun I had when I first discovered Despair, Inc. And also made me remember how pissed off some of the folks were that actually loved those motivational posters. Since I was at a loss for what to post today, but knew I needed to since my luge accident on Wednesday had me home bound yesterday, I thought I'd just toss up something from Despair.

So feeling feisty as I do (nothing like being bedridden for a day to make you feisty when you can actually move again) I thought I'd take another stab at those people with the motivational posters.... I mean really.....

Chicago now has a luge team!

2009-01-28T11:13:00.007-06:00

OK, so the "team" is actually me

without the sled

and the sliding on the ass was not intentional so I didn't look so much like the top picture as I looked like this guy

It snowed here in Chicago overnight and going to work wasn't any different than usual. I take a bus, hop a train and then one more bus and I'm there. This morning as I was going from the train to the bus, I went to step on a nice clean fluffy pile of snow to cross over to the bus.

That clean fluffy snow was hiding an ice sheet and the entry way into my first Chicago Luge run. The forward motion I had kept me going forward as my feet went out from under me. As I landed (clumsily, but it kept me from landing splat on my back) I kept sliding forward into what was under the nice clean fluffy snow which was about 2 weeks worth of bus dirt, salt and road grime.

When I stood up I didn't need a mirror to know what the entire back side of my body looked like.... I could feel it. Wet, ick, soaking through my hat, trickling down the back of my neck, soaking the back of my jeans so the stick to my legs, and to add insult to mild injury, my crotch was soaked from the splash as I luged forward.

There's a fair amount of walking on my daily commute.

Go throw some ice water down your pants and walk a mile in 12 degree weather and see how happy your badoobies are.

UGH!

I made it back to work by 10:10 so not too much time was lost, but now I just want to go back to bed and try this day over again. Better yet, skip this day and get on to Thursday and Friday.

And my badoobies are still cold.

Suddenly Shirley had that "not so fresh" feeling....

2009-01-27T16:25:00.008-06:00

I was going to do TMI Tuesday, but I honestly couldn't remember the last movie I saw. So instead, I thought I'd pass on an image to brand into the back of your eyes. Thanks to cb for this that made me laugh so hard I snorted.

"How to tell when your butt stinks"

It was the 80's.... give me a break

2009-01-26T11:19:00.003-06:00

I first saw this picture this morning around 8:30. it's taken me 2 hours of internal debating on whether to post it or not. Sweet Carolina Bunny (Your new southern name is now Bunny Sue by the way) tags every blog post with "To blog is a self invasion of privacy". I agree with that and see many different levels to the openness where some tell you very little and some invite you into their lives with reckless abandon censoring nothing. (ahem... :))

However, while this picture brings back many memories of the friends I had back in high school, I still feel a pain in my chest looking at it.

WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME ABOUT THAT HAIR???

Good GOD! Thank God someone finally turned me on to conditioner and a better hair stylist.

Yeah, that's me... the dork in the hat. I'm just one Molly Ringwald away from being Anthony Michael Hal l in Sixteen Candles. Sadly I think I'm closer to Molly Ringwald with that hat. "A boy in a hat is... so Vogue!"

Off topic from this post, but writing that last line made me remember a little story from college. When I was at Clemson I was at a party that a fellow bar staffers Alene was holding. One of her friends from her home town (Girl X) was visiting and this home town girl was dating Michael Anthony Hall. The little group conversation was about movies that started moving toward Oscars. This is, no lie, a snippet from the conversation.

Girl X: Oh the Oscars. I really wanted to get to go! Anthony got an invite since he was in (insert nameless movie here)

Alene: Is he not going to take you?

Girl X: We're not going at all. He said he wasn't going to attend the Oscars until he won one himself and now I'll never get to go!

I wish I had such a supportive partner like THAT!

I'm a bad Star Trek Fan

2009-01-23T16:17:00.002-06:00

I enjoyed the original Star Treks when they first went into syndication when I was little. It was something different. It wasn't until Star Trek movie came out and The Next Generation first aired that I became a true fan.

Let's set something straight. I'm no 'Trek Geek'. I don't question plot points and harp on discrepancies. (well, there was one, but we'll talk about that later) For me, it was like any other show that you all watch and know the characters. The original series had plot points that, had they been a regular show with humans, the censors would have yanked it off the air. But in one episode Gene Roddenberry had Frank Gorsham (Batman's original Riddler) as an alien who was half stark white on the left side and half jet black on the right side and was the ruling part of his planet. There was species tension with those on his planet who were white on the right side and black on the left. On Star Trek you could get away with that, but on real TV you couldn't say the white people were rulers over the lesser blacks to make a point about equality among the races.

Gene Roddenberry saw the beginning of The Next Generation and infused his beliefs for the future into those and subsequent Trek ventures (Deep Space Nine, Voyager, and Enterprise) All through these years, and other ventures of Roddenberry's, there was one major force that was behind him and often placed INTO his visions... his wife Majel Barrett. She was Nurse (then Doctor) Chapel, from the beginning of The Next Generation onward, she's always been the voice of any Starfleet computer, and she was Luwaxanna Troi on The Next Generation (which I think she secretly liked most... where else can you show your ass and be in character!?).

Back in 1998 I went to my one and only Star Trek Convention. I was living in Atlanta, it was at a hotel just 2 miles away and I saw that Majel Barrett was the guest speaker. Gene Roddenberry had passed away just a few years earlier and I thought she'd be interesting to talk to and BOY was I right. I walked in the hotel and while I appreciated the length that some fans go to, it still struck me a little comical to see all the folks dressed up. But she took them all in stride and was a fantastic speaker. Afterwards I was standing at the entrance of the room watching her speak to people as she was leaving and she caught my eye. While still talking, she started walking over toward me and said "My you're a tall one! How tall are you?" and then subsequently started up a conversation about me. I SO wanted to ask her more in depth questions, but had the feeling that she was tired of talking about herself and Gene and just wanted to shift focus for a little bit and I obliged her.

So it is with a pang of guilt that I find out today, January 23, 2009 that she passed away just over a month ago. I can't believe I didn't hear about it, but the feeling is the same. She was a very interesting lady who had the pleasure of a fantastic ride and of being a part of it. She did tell me she wouldn't have changed a bit of her time with Gene, otherwise she wouldn't have helped carry it on afterwards.

Majel, You will be missed. The ship's computers won't quite be the same.

A touching and emotional photograph

2009-01-23T09:21:00.003-06:00

one can only say

Don't go away mad.... Just GO AWAY!

Havin' a heat wave, a tropical heat wave!

2009-01-23T09:03:00.003-06:00

As temps glide above 35 for the first time since.... I can't remember when, (some) Chicagoans are taking the lighter scarves, shedding the gloves, able to walk down sidewalks easier (where the f'ers don't seem to be able to get their lazy asses out and shovel) and are thinking of Spring.

Some are rushing the season just a little too much though through their wishful thinking.

These Canadian Geese are sitting on a frozen pond in my office complex. I tried telling them it would be a while before it thawed. They didn't listen. They're Canadian....

Another special day this week!

2009-01-22T08:54:00.005-06:00

Today is my good friend Stephen's birthday. His blog gave me the umph to start Project Christopher and he was also one of my best supporters and critics in stand up (and I was his too). While he hasn't broken the seal on his 40's yet, that crisis is coming soon. But I can say that Stephen, whether it's 29, 39 or 69 (hee hee) you wear it well baby!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU STEPHEN!!

OR (because some of you are still wondering)
Hippo birdie two ewe Stephen!

Are they SURPRISED???

2009-01-21T09:52:00.001-06:00

George from Facebook showed me this video. The newscasters are saying "Bad form" etc.

I don't even want to go into what HE did that was bad form.

Brand New Day!

2009-01-21T08:45:00.003-06:00

Here is where I'd normally post (repost) the YouTube video of "Brand New Day" from the Wiz, but for some reason the video has been pulled from YouTube (bastards! - how dare they cut me off from my being able to do feel good showtunes!) But you know the song and it fits today. It is a brand new day.

The Inauguration is over, the ball has been danced, the food has been eaten and excess taken to charities to feed the homeless. Now, today, Barrack begins getting out his big ass snow shovel that he had in Chicago and digging our country out from under the shite storm that Dubya let rain down on us.

I've never been a terribly political person, but the longer I've lived in Chicago, the more I've paid attention to what's going on around me. I'll be the first to admit that, while I'm not a single cause political mind, there is one issue that I tend to think of that is more defined by the parties than grand things that eventually fall on both parties. However, over the past 8 years. I've come to find myself being more watchful. It dawned on me that while I feel like I've been in Chicago a long time, I didn't have a sense of time for how long Bush was in his presidency. Bush was elected right after I moved to Chicago. So while my time in Chicago has been fantastic, it will be interesting to see how it will feel with a Chicagoan at the helm of the country.

Barack baby, you go get 'em!

And by the way Texas.....

you can have him back now.

DING DONG THE BASTARDS GONE!

2009-01-20T09:50:00.001-06:00

No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush! No More Bush!

No more Fuckin DUBYA BUSH!!!!!

From real animals to Balloon Animals

2009-01-14T15:16:00.002-06:00

It's been one of those weeks....

Snowed under with work

Snowed under with a death close to home

Snowed under with.... well, snow

And I needed a good laugh. I ran across this on Facebook. Thanks Chad Ostland.

Anything to get safe sex out there is good, although this is getting some flack. To the flack givers, I'd like to introduce you to Mickey....
(he's gonna love this isn't he?!?!?)

Find more videos like this on AdGabber

Just about perfect.

2009-01-13T09:12:00.005-06:00

My family bred boxers when I was growing up. When our first boxer Tink was getting along in her first pregnancy she started her nesting process by trying to find where she was going to give birth to the first of many. In my mom's bedroom there were two closets. The one that was my father's (who had passed several years before) was kind of a receptacle of old clothes that could to tossed on the floor of his closet and ultimately go to Goodwill. Mom noticed that Tink had taken to sleeping in the closet on the pile of clothes and realized what she was intending to do.

It was winter so we knew we wanted her to have the pups inside so one day Mom took the clothes out of the floor of Dad's closet, put them on the floor of her own closet and laid out several layers of newspaper on the floor of Dad's closet. We went out somewhere that evening and came back to find that Tink had taken the newspaper from Dad's closet, shredded it all to hell all around the bedroom, and pulled all the clothes from Mom's closet floor and put them back into Dad's closet and was on puppy #3 by the time we got home.

Who says dogs are dumb? They know... they know full well! They just don't act cocky about it like cats do.

A kinder note to Mother Nature

2009-01-09T09:09:00.002-06:00

cb does enjoy giving some sass to Mother Nature. That' only pisses her off more because you have to be nice and ASK...

Memo
To: Mother Nature
From: ProjectChristopher
Date: January 9, 2009
Re: Winter Storm Timing

I see from the news that you're going to be testing several forms of winter storms on the Chicagoland area over the next week or so. I believe we are prepared with warmer clothes and will be visiting the crack Jewel for provisions just in case.

I wondered if I might make a request. It is quite pretty to see the manner in which you send your snow storms as the quiet of my street with the flakes flittering down is quite peaceful. I'm thankful to live on a side street to avoid the traffic. But, could you consider beginning the storms around 2am or 3am. Given that, we can avoid rush hour traffic problems and MAY even, if you like, get out of work if you snow just enough to keep folks home! That would be great as I could sit at my window drinking hot chocolate and truly appreciating your artistic weather wizardry.

Otherwise I'm stuck walking in muck, getting splashed by cars and buses and otherwise freezing my who-who's off while waiting for the Pace bus that goes 2 mph along with the 'deez,dem,doz' asshat who keeps yelling "Jesus Christ!" because the bus is not here at his beckon call.

Should you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me. Thank you for your help

Truly.... WTF?

2009-01-07T14:59:00.003-06:00

So you've read my previous post about the year being off and running about where I went out with some friends and met a new friend who happens to be black and the post was mostly about positive race relations.

The first (and only so far) comment I've received, I chose not to actually approve, but instead, I'm going to post about it. And here it is in its entirety:

Lev. 18:22, 29 - God commands a man never to lie with a male as with a female, or he will be cut off.

This refers to supernatural death which is eternal separation from God. While the Old Covenant laws have been abrogated by the New Covenant, the Church has adopted their moral principles.

Thus, the moral prohibitions on homosexuality still apply in the New Covenant, as Peter, Paul and Jude demonstrate.

Lev. 20:13 - God says that if a man lies with another man, he shall be put to death. From the very beginning, God has revealed that homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered, unhealthy, and mortally sinful.

------------

Just in case I missed something, I went back and read my post again and I'm pretty damn certain that I didn't say a single word about homosexuals.

So Mickey, of the blog Born Again, I ask with all due respect....

What the Fuck are you talking about?

The Bible also says women are chattle, multiple brides are OK, don't eat shrimp, and don't wear cotton and wool.

I grew up in Southern Baptist territory and I'm tired of getting beat over the head with a Bible and tired of retorting all the time. So I'll leave it up to you guys. If you'd like to go give Mickey a piece of your mind... have at it...

and check out the Jesus picture. Yikes!